Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 December 1886 — WIT AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT AND HUMOR.

The Philadelphia News the other day headed a department “What Philadelphia Editors Think.” It occupied oneeighth of a column. — Puck. Young wife—“ John, mother says she wants to he cremated.” Young husband —“Tell her if she'll get on her things I'll take her down this morning.”— TidBits. A little urchin asked his mother a difficult question and got the answer: “I don’t know.” “Well,” said he. “I think mothers ought to know. They ought to be well educated or else have an encyclopedia.” — Boston Record. Washington Belle (to young naval officer) —“I suppose the hardships of your life at times, Lieut. Sinecure, are simply frightful?” Lieut. Sinecure—“Ya’as, very. The cost of gold braid alone is something fearful.”— N. Y. Sun.

“Is Jim Bullard hangin’ ’round these parts nowadays?” asked a passenger from a car window of a Dakota citizen. “Jim was hangin’ ’round last week, stranger.” “Did you see him?” “O, yes; I had hold of the rope.”— N. Y. Sun. “Mother, what is an angel?” “My dear, it is a little girl with wings who flies.” “But I heard papa telling the governess yesterday she was an angel. Will she fly?” “Yes, my dear, she will fly away the first thing to-morrow.” Vanity Fair. A young lady cashier in a St. Louis dry-goods house tried to get away with $3,000 by hiding it in her bustle —a plan not open to gentleman cashiers for obvious reasons. She probably wished to have a good financial backing. — N. Y. Tribune. According to telegraphic reports the “peach crop along the Hudson” has been ruined three times already since the first of the year. It is feared that another cold spell Yvill kill it if it should again be left out doors all night. — Norristown Herald.

The hardest thing in this world to please is a woman. Mr. Young of Wabasha, Minn., locked his wife in the house; Mr. Potts of Pepin, Wis., locked his wife out of the house. Now both women have sued for divorce. — Holyoke (Mass.) Transcript. A little 4-year-old miss on the East Side, toddling lip-stairs the other day, noticed that the servant had removed the carpet from her room and was scrubbing the floor. Said she: “Hello, Rosa, has you moved your kitchen floor up-stairs?” — Buffalo Courier. A clever Albany girl who was at Ridgefield the other night was asked what her sensations were when she shot down the toboggan chute for the first time. “It was delightful,” she exclaimed enthusiastically; “I thought I wasdyiug.”— Albany Journal. “They say Mark Twain is worth a great deal of money,” remarked a casual caller yesterday. “Yes,” replied the horse editor, “Mark always has an eye to the dollar.” “That is to say,” chipped in the snake editor, “Twain is a sort of a dollar Mark.”— Pittsburg Chronicle. Scene, Paris. Time, three weeks ago. “Very stupid here this winter, eh, old fellow?” “Deucedly. Let’s do something to have some fun—a circus; anything, you know.” “All right. Say we get up a party and go to New York to take in the French ball.” — Philadelphia News. Mrs. Southworth, the woman suffragist, says: “Men are constantly becoming more like women. They don’t fight now when they get mad at each other.” Sometimes they don’t, but then they do not generally get revenge by accusing their enemy of wearing a last season’s hat. — Savannah (Ga.) News. “How did you break ofl your front teeth?” asked a visitor of the same small boy. “I didn’t break ’em,” replied the youngster. “I was just fooling a teenty bit with a horse's tail in the street up at C . The man that picked me up got his hands and vest awful bloody. It wasn’t my fault.” — Boston Record.