Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 November 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Always well posted—a good fence. It is rain or shine with a bootblack. A rousing appeal—“ Time to get up.” How to get rid of surplus milk cheese it. Woman of the world (to youthful admirer) —“You seem to know a great deal of married life. Are you married?” Merritt (with a blase air) —“No, but my father is.” — The Judge. He (entreatinglv) —“Won’t you give me this next waltz, Miss Yiolet?” She (coquettishly)—“Perhaps, if you press me.” “The bold horrid thing—l’ll do that as we dance.”— Life. Says Victor Hugo: “During battle let us be the enemies of our enemies, and after victory their brothers.”. But that wi 1 depend largely on how the enemy feels if the enemy happens to be the victor.— Boston Courier. A lady in a railway carriage took out her purse, took therefrom a sixpence, and handed it to a well-dressed man who was smoking. “What is this for ?” asked the smoker. “It’s to buy you a good cigar when you smoke in the presence of ladies,” was the reply. “Are checks fashionable now,” asked a highly dressed dude of his tailor as he looked over his goods. “I don’t believe they are, sir,” was the reply, “for I haven’t seen any around lately. ” He looked so hard at the young man when he said it that it caused an absence in the shop very rapidly. “Wasn’t Herod an old man before he learned to dance?” a little girl asked of her mother. “Why, my child, what on earth put that in yonr head?” “Nothing much, only I was reading in my Sunday-school lesson that the daughter of Herodias danced before Herod.” The little girl had to dance off to bed.— <Fexas Siftings. A woman in Vermont is the mother of twenty-seven children, all living; and they do say that when Christmas time comes around, her unfortunate husband just goes out in the deep dark woods all alone by liimsfftl and lies down on the cold snow under a growing Christmas tree and weeps and weeps as if his heart would break.— Cambridge Chronicle. “Mr. Jones,” said the end man, with the insinuating voice for which he ceased to be famous some time during the reign of Elizabeth, “can you tell me how to invest money so that it will go the farthest?” “No, Mr. Thompson, lam not aware that I can. How do you invest money so that it will go the farthest ?” “Why, you buy postage stamps, to be sure.”— Tid-Bits.

GOOD ADVICE. “My son,” the deacon wisely said. And sagely waeged his aged head, "Take note of all that’s good you see. Ignore whate’er may evil be. Should pugilist meet you some day. Insult you as you wend your way. Should call vou names, and should decry Your prowess, do no; battle try. Just take no note of him. “And if amid your daily work You see a man who’ll ever shirk The labor that he ought to do; Who drinks, and drinks quite often, too; Who’s failed in business tan times o’er, Who’s apt to fail some ten times more, Who gambles and quits largely bets, And never pays his honest debts, Why, take no note of him.”

“What you want,” said a physician to a Dakota editor who came to consult him, “is absolute rest mentally and more physical exercise for a few months.” “Musn’t think at all?” “No, sir.” “And take all the outdoor exercise possible?” “That's it exactly.” “But how am I going to get my living?” “Well, my advice to you is to go to Washington and start such a correspondence bureau as you have been getting letters from for the last year. Writing the letters will give your mind just the rest it needs while dodging yonr board bill will bring the exercise.”- Estelline Bell.