Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 November 1886 — Broadbrims Who Are Up to Snuff. [ARTICLE]

Broadbrims Who Are Up to Snuff.

The gentle Quaker is to be found at almost every summer resort along the New Jersey coast, and he is a fixture and a feature of the lake and mountain resorts of Pennsylvania. In your mind’s eye you picture him with a venerable beard, bald-head, broad-brimmed hat, and buckle shoes, but your mind’s eye is way off. In a great many instances “William” keeps an hotel, and he has a business look about him to make things snap. Any one who takes him for a moss-back will presently hear something drop. “I welcome thee and thine, ” obseves William as a guest walks up to the register. That’s all right and proper, and visions of first-floor rooms at $7 per week float through a man’s mind. “Wilt thou tarry with me?” inquires William in a voice as soft as butter. You wilt. That’s what you’ve come for. You register your name and ask to look at rooms. “I know I can satisfy thee,” observes William as he leads the way. “I suppose thee prefers the first floor ?” Thee does. He is shown a bedroom a trifle larger than a coffin, without a bell, gas, or other conveniences, and blandly informed that he can’ tarry a week for $22. If he should so far forget himself as to remain two weeks a reduction of $1 per week would be made. “I have still others to show thee, ” says William, and you finally accept of a room and stow yourself away, because you can’t do better. William has the bulge on you, and he knows it. Candles are cheaper than gas, and he knows you’ll come to the office to report your wants or let them go unrelieved. His beds are hard as boards, but people sleep on them in preference to the floor. His table won’t compare with an ordinary country hotel, but you must oat or go hungry. The waiter softly thees and tlious you, but the coffee is dishwater and the butter stale. At the office thee is told to make thyself at home, but the price of cigars,

| billiards, and bowls create the impression of highway robbery. Thee can’t get a bathing suit any cheaper of William than of the Hebrew on the corner. His wagon charges thee just as much for a ride, and his porter wants feeing, and his bootblack grabs for his dime the same as at the tavern of the ungodly. If you get beer, it is brought to you covertly, as if William was ashamed; but the liquor is execrable, the bottle is a cheat, and the price exorbitant. William professes to serve thee with milk at the j table, but he waters it. He talks of dairy butter, but serves thee with a mockery. He tells thee there are no musquitoes, and thus saves the expense of screens, while you fight the pests all night. In fact, Old Broadbrim is up to snuff at all the resorts, and you’ve got to get ; drowned with all your cash on your | person to get ahead of him for even a nickel. Every “thee” costs you fifteen cents, and it is never more than two “thees” for a quarter.— Detroit Free Press.