Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 November 1886 — LEGAL ANECDOTES. [ARTICLE]

LEGAL ANECDOTES.

Wise, Witty, and Pungent Sayings of Bench and Bar. The writer remembers bearing of a gentleman who, not wishing to pay the legal and recognized fee for a consultation with his lawyer, devised an expedient whereby he expeoted to gain toe information he required without toe usual cost. He accordingly Invited the man “learned in the law” to dine at his house on a particular evening, as a friend and old acquaintance. The lawyer gladly accepted the invitation, and attended at the house of his friend and client prompt to the minute. Tbe conversation for some time was very general and agreeable, and by and dv the shrewd client, by hinting and suggesting, at last drew the lawyer out mto a learned and explicit dissertation upon the subject the host wished to be informed upon. The client pleased, satisfied, and smiling, chuckled in his sleeve, thinking how nicely he had wormed out the advice desired and pumped his lawyer free of cost The feast over, the lawyer departed, equally pleased, and, both being satisfied, all went as merry as a marriage bell, But a few days afterward the client recieved a letter from his lawyer informingjiim that the charge for professional consultation and advice was 13 shillings and 4 pence, And would he “kindly attend to the payment of same at his earliest convenience, and oblige.” The client was wild—caught in his own trap; but, being determined to outwit the lawyer and gam his own ends, he forwarded to the latter a bill for “dinner, wines, and accessories supplied” on the 16th inst., amounting to 13 shillings and 4 pence, saying that if he would settle inclosed bill ne should only be too {(leased and happy to settle the lawyer’s ittle bill. Tne lawyer retorted by threatening to commence an action against mine host for selling wines without a license unless his, the lawyer’s, bill was immediately paid. Do I need to say that the lawyer was victorious? When I was a boy, I heard of a lawyer who was called up in the middle of a cold winter's night to draw out the will of an old farmer who lived some three miles away, and who was dying. Tbe messenger had brought a cart to convey the lawyer to the farm, and tbe latter in due time arrived at his destination. When he entered the house he was immediately ushered into the sickroom, and he then requested to be supplied with pen, ink, and paper. There were none in the house! The lawyer had not brought any himself, and what was he to do? Any lead-pencil? he inquired. No; they had none. The farmer was sinking fast, though quite conscious. At last the legal gentleman saw chalked up on the back of the bed-room door column upon column of figures in chalk. They were milk “scores” or “shots.” He immediately asked for a piece of chalk, and then, kneeling on the floor, he wrote out concisely upon the smooth hearthstone the last will and testament of the dying man. The farmer subsequently aiedT Tbe hearthstone will was sent to tbe principal registry in London with special affidavit, and was duly proved, the will being deposited in the archives of the registry. I may mention that the law does nos state upon what substance or with what instrument a will must be written. There was once a plain, outspoken judge who, addressing the jury, said: “Gentlemen of the jury, in this case the counsel ou both sides are unintelligible, the witnesses on both sides are incredible, and the plaintiff and defendant are both such baa characters that to me it is indifferent which way you give your verdict.” It was once reported to the notorious Judge Jeffries that the Prince of Orange was on the point of entering into toe country, and that he was already preparing a manifesto as to iiis inducements and objects in so doing. “Pray, my lord chief justice,” said a gentleman present, “what do you think will be the beads of this manifesto?” “Mine will be one.” he grimly replied. An undoubted alibi was some time ago successfully proved in an American court as follows:

“And you say you are innocent of the charge of stealing this rooster from Mr. Jones?” queried the judge. “Yes, sir: I aui innocent —as innooent as a child.” “You are confident you did not steal the rooster from Mr. Jones?” “Yes, sir; and I can prove it” “How can you prove it?” “I can prove that I didn’t steal Mt. Jones’ rooster, judge, because I stole two hens from Mr. Graston the same night, and Jones lives five miles from Gras ton’s.” “The proof is conclusive,” said the judge; discharge the prisoner.” It is said that the other day a client received the following bill from his lawyer: “Attending and asking you how you did, 6s. BcL; attending you on the pier, when you desired me to look through a piece of smoked glass, 6s. Bd.; looking through the same, 6s. Bd.j rubbing my eye, which watered, 18s. 4d.; attending at luncheon, when you praised the sandwiches and asked me to partake thereof, 6s. Bd.; consulting ana asking my opinion thereof, when I said they were very good, 6s. Bd.” Most probably the client treated this as a ioke. or perhaps it drove him to extremities. “Gentlemen of the jury,” said a oounsel in a suit about a herd of begs, “there were just thirty-six hogs la that drove; please to remember that sact — thirty-six hogs; just exactly three times as many as there are in that jury-box, gentlemen. ” We are informed that the oounsel did not win his case. The jury were not so pig-headed. “Gentlemen of the jury,” said an Irish barrister, “it will be for yon to say whether this defendant shall be allowed to come into court with unblushing footsteps, with the cloak of hypocrisy in his mouth, and draw three bullocks out of my client’s pocket with immunity.” We have heard of several cases of female ingenuity in aiding the escape of prisoners. Here is one. The criminals were handcuffed, and with their escort were awaiting the train which would convey them to the county jail. Suddenly a woman rushed through the crowd of spectators with a shower of tears and eried out: “Kiss me good-by, Ned.” The escort good-naturedly allowed the process of osculation to be performed, and the sheriff smiled feelingly. The woman passed a key from her own to the prisoner’s mouth, with which he undid the “bracelets” and es> caped while the train was in motion. There is a girl who seems to have peculiar notions of breach-of-promise cases, for she threatens to sue her own father for breach of promise! She explains that the old gentleman first gave his consent to her marriage with her lover and then withdrew it, and that in consequence her beau got tired of waiting and has gone off with another girl. “Prisoner at the bar,” said tne judge to a man on his trial for murder, “is there anything you wish to say before sentenoe is-passed upon yon?” “Judge,” replied the prisoner, “there has been altogether too much said already. I knew all along somebody would get hurt if these people didn’t keep their mouths shut. It might as well be me, perhaps, as anybody else. Drive on, judge, and give me as little sentiment as you can get along on. I can stand hanging, but I hate gush.”— Chambers' Journal.