Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 November 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A small country seat—the milkstool. Always ready, to take a hand in—a tricky employer. Example of tho “Ups and Downs of Life” Being hard up, and consequently cast down. “For a young woman to begin to brash the dust off a young man’s coat” is said to be the first symptom that the young man is in peril. Do lobsters shrink in boiling, is a question that has recently been raised. It is quite natural that they should shrink from boiling:— Texas Siftings. THE SELFISH MAX. He has within him little heart, With selfishness he’s crammed, Who cares not, if he saves himself, W’hoover else fs damned. —Boston Courier. A doctor is sometimes a cure-ious individual. The “sometimes” is the only thing that keeps this statement out of the realm of fiction.— Merchant Traveler. A writer says that the overtaxing of children is ono of the evils of the age. Some of the property-holders of Burlington think that tho overtaxing of parents is about as bad.— Burlington Free Press. He —“Ha! ha! ha! Here is a good hit in this paper at the female sex.” She —“ What does it say about the women ?” He—“lt says that more than half the women in this country are crazy.” She (with a sigh)—“l expect that’s so. There are a great many married women in this country.”— Texas Siftings. “My dear,” he hiccoughed, while she was giving him a scathing lecture for being out so late and coming home in such a state; “don’t be—liic—too hard upon a feller. I’m not so bad after all—liic. Give the devil his due.” “I m giving you your due,” she said, and he expostulated no more.— Boston Courier. A medical journal tells of a young woman who contracted tho habit of chewing coffee, at last consuming half a pound a day; but it doesn’t explain whether she acquired a taste for the fragrant berry by going out between the acts or winking when she called for a glass of soda water when on her way home from the “lodge.” three little maids at school. Three little inaids at school are we, Mad as school girls well can be, Fun all over, no longer free. Threo littie maids at school? Algebra is not much fun, Compositions must be done, All ourlessona uro just begun. Threo little maids at school! Three little maidens most contrary, Gone to the ladies’ seminary, Bound to its humdrum tutelary. Throe little maids at school! “Yes, sir,” said the Great Traveler, “I have seen, with my own eyes, a wild Indian take the scalp of a white man —actually lift the hair from his head — and it made my blood run cold.” “That’s nothing,” said the Skeptical Boarder, “that’s nothing; right here in Lynn, on Market street, I have seen a man actually take three men in succession by the scalp and actually lift their hair from their heads.” “Why, the man must have been crazy drunk or a lunatic,” said the G. T. “Perfectly sane and sober as I am,” replied the S. B. “Well, who in the name of goodness was he?” “He was a barber,” solemnly said theS. B.— Lynn Union. A grocer in an Indiana town, who ordered his goods Irom Chicago, was charged by an Indianapolis drummer with a want of patriotism in not patronizing home institutions. “Will you give me ninety days’ credit ?” asked the grocer. “Of course.” “And then extend me thirty days further?” “Perhaps.” “And if I fail, will you compromise for eighteen cents on the dollar, and help me beat all other creditors? That’s what my Chicago house is doing fpr me, and about every third order they throw in a dozen bedcords or a dollar-clock, as a free gift.” Wall Street News.