Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 October 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Working like a horse—a lawyer drawing a conveyance. The photographers’ song: “Wait till the c loads roll by. ” Menial service all girls take kindly to—the hy-meneal seivice. You can get your phiz at the photographer’s or at the soda counter. The man who tells his friends all he knows usually doesn’t have very much to tell. The world is making progress, undoubtedly, but it is a stern fact, nevertheless, that it pays better to be a freak in a dime museum than to be a poet. One of those fellows who are always deprecating woman’s work says a tailor can easily make a dress suit, but a dressmaker can hardly ever make a dress suit Mrs. Dusenberry— Now, just look at those flannels! If anything will shrink more f . om washing, I’d like to know what it is? Mr. Dusenberry— A boy will, my dear. Angelina —Oh, mamma, Algernon squeezed my hand so to-night that I almost cried. Aiamma —What, my child, from pain? Augelina—No, mamma, from joy.— Tid-Bits. “ What is wanted in this country,” said the bride, as she examined the wedding presents, “is not e vil service reform, but silver service reform. This set is plated.”— Boston Courier. It fills the heart with gladness to know that when one goes to the dime museum to see the living skeleton one is not to be deceived by any kind of make-up. The living skeleton never pads. — Boston Courier. , A valued friend, who is often up at the witching hour of midnight, tells us that the idea that churchyards yawn and ghosts walk is all bosh, but he informs us also that a man is very apt to sprawl full length over hassocks and to crack his bare toe on the elbow of a rocking chair if he strolls about the house much then. — Somerville Journal.

A Western editor, on entering his office, found a large snake on his desk. It is not known whether the reptile was left there by one of the editorial staff who was on a spree the night before, or whether it entered llie office and crawled upon the editor’s desk in order that he might give the right dimensions of the hero of his next snake story.— Norristown Herald. “Gentlemen of the jury, there is still another extenuating circumstance in favor of my client. He broke open a burglar-proof safe, a masterpiece of German workmanship, valued by experts at 2,GUO marks, and this client of mine contented himself with the 120 marks which he found inside and left the valuable safe to the owner.”— Fliegende Blatter. “Gentlemen,” he said to the reporters, as the Sheriff put the knot where it xvould do the most good, “will you grant me one last request before I die?” The reporters, to a man, said they would. “Then write me down as having been simply ‘hanged,’ not ‘launched into eternity.’ I’m no dude. ” This request caused some consternation among the young reporters, but they all kept their word.— New York Sun.

A boarder’s woes. We N V not a boarder’s life; In D D knows it’s rough; Of little U C finds his knife, On steaks like I N tough. At firs; there is a grand It A Of meats he E Z carves, But s oa tue food is in D J£ And in the N I) starves. A chicken’s A G never knows; It’s R D finds to smash, And faith “0 K" a boarder shows Who takes H U of hash. In K C wants a second plate, His hunger to L A, His M T stomach has to wait, To ask he'll scarce S A. A lemon A D never smells, And K Q know is rare ; A skeleton he soon X L’s On his X S of air. The board he O Z quick must pay If P 0 would retain; Landladies have an I C way And P T never deign. Alas for those who C K home In N E hash mill vile; We’d rather B A tramp and roam Than A K lot for style. — ll. C. Dodge, in Tid-Bits.