Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 September 1886 — He’d Choose to be a Baby. [ARTICLE]

He’d Choose to be a Baby.

The following story was told at the recent encampment of the, Grand Army at Mexico, Mo. A group around one of the numerous rump-tires were relating incidents of bravery and cowardice shown in battle, and this is one of them “It was at the battle of Gettysburg,” said the speaker, “when the bullets were falling like hail, and the shells were shrieking and bursting over our heads in a way to make the bravest heart tremble, a private dropped out of the ranks and skulked back to the rear. He was well under way, when, unfortunately for him, he was met by General Slocum coming to the front. “ ‘What are you doing here? Get back to your post,’ the General shouted. “'Phe poor fellow stopped still and trembled like a leaf, but made no reply. “ ‘Get back to your post, you miserable coward; aren’t you ashamed ot yourself to be skulking back here when you should be in the front with your brave onurades?’ “Still the man made no reply, but commenced to cry iike a year-old infant. “ ‘You-iniamous, sneaking coward,’ shouted the infuriated general, ‘get back to your post; I'll rule you down like a dog. \\ hy. you are nothing but a baby.’ “ *l-1-I’ll t-t-t-tell you what, g-g-gcn-era!,' said the blubbering fellow, ‘l’d g-g-g-give anything just n-n-now if I was a b-b-baby, and i-i-if I had my ch-ch-choice I'd r-r-rather be a female b-b-b-baby.’ ”