Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 August 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The darkest hour is when you can’t find the matches. The last agony— sitting up with your girl at 11.45 p. m. The kangaroo, it is said, enjoys a “beautiful spring. ” The fact that an expression isn’t wrong doesn’t make it trite. The henpecked husband cannot understand why anybody shou.d shout for home rule. — Boston Courier. Ocr market reporter informs us that there is a remavkable downward tendency in lampwicks on Sunday night. A grocer advertises “something new in coDfee.” Have they really got to putting coffee in it?— Texas Siftings. Jobbins says that intestinal strife is going on daily in his garden. He can prove it by the hen trails. —Yonkers Gazette. A mule has the full allowance of vertebra; in his backbone. This is why he can’t avert a bray in certain emergencies.— Yonkers Gazette. “This butter is pretty old, I guess,” said the boarder. “What makes you think so?” asked the landlady. “Because the hairs in it are gray.”—Boston Courier. If there is anything more dangerous than the unloaded gun which always goes off when it is pointed at anybody, it is the pleasure boat that can’t tip over. It is this kind of boat which tips over every time*. At a negro wedding, when the minister read the words, “love, honor and obey,” the groom interrupted him and said: “Read that agin, sah; read it wunce mo’, so’s de lady kin ketch de full solemnity of de meaning. I’se been married befo’. ” An exchange says: “The editor of this paper is the possessor of a hog.”So are we—several of them, in fact. Their names are on our subscription book, and they have taken the paper for the last three or four years and have never paid a rent.— Esteliine Bell. “Well, Jack, were you at the theater last night ?” “Yes? and it was # a j splendid play. ” “Is that so ? I heard ‘ they had a full house.” “Full house? ; Pshaw! I was the only one there.” ' “Come to think of it, I believe it was ! the audience instead of the house that j was full. ” —Newman Independent. Census Enumerator—“ What is your business, Mr. Snaggs?” Snaggs—-“I have no business, sir.” €. E.—“ Are you a gentleman of leisure-’?”' Snaggs—“No, sir, I am a friend of the workingman.” C. E.—“ Yes, but where do-you work?” Snaggs—“Work!! Work!. I don’t work; I’m a Socialist.” —Lijnn Union. THE city sportsman. There is surely no accounting why soma- men who go out hunting do the most of it in grunting and can neves- hit a single blessed thing; Yototto-hear them do their bragging, you would aount upon their bagg ng uil the game that they catch lagging in tha county and to shoot it on the wing. I It is, wily little sparrows that a boy with bow and arrows could shoot easy twesn the harrows, that the braggadooia sportsman ever bits; And ho thinks ho s mighty topping when he sees some bird that’s hopping, though he neverthinks of popping at the tamest kind of game uuless it sits. As at might he homeward walketh and up through a farmyard stalkotli, his noor dog at something barketh, and he thinks perhaps, he’ll strike a little luak; So down where the cattle grazeth, dizzy sportsman; creeps and blazeth,. and a lot oi feathers raiseth off a poor, lean, lame,, blind,, and tame little duck. Now,-the granger heard the shooting and came dawiai the hill cahootiu, -with a pitchfork, to g®> rooting at the tender-foot who trespassed on his farm; But; hhe sportsman said, appealing, that ha know not he was stealing and with every kindly feeling he would, gladly pay the farm«a- for the harm. Theonhegave the man a dollar to stop his hue and '‘holler, ” took his dog up bydhe collar ia a. very desultory sort of way; Withihis canvas-back a-swinging, he pursued his mftod a-singing 'bout the game that he was. bringing as the product of his shooting tor the day. — Newman* Independent.