Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 August 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The matron’s lament—let ns sweep. In the stock market bull lack is hard to bear. A man of gall is almost invariably a good liver. When the trunk line railroads are playing policy they are playing pooL “How sweet, how tender is childhood !” remarked the cannibal as he prepared to feast on a baby captured from a neighboring tribe. —Boston Courier. A young physician of New York refused to go duck hunting with a party of friends. He said the ducks were too personal in their remarks when addressing him. “Give us, oh, give us a man ■*rho sings at his work,” says Carlyle. Oh l yes; give him to us; deliver him into our hands. He occupies the next office, and we can’t get at him. human nature. I never bewail my lot, said lie, I never sit down and cry, And the reason I don’t is, I know in the world There's somebody worse than I. —Boston Courier. A professor in the medical department of the University of Texas asked one of the more advanced students: “What is the name of the teeth that a human being gets last?” “False teeth, of course.” —Texas Siftings. “Jasmin, what did you do with the letter I left on my desk this morning?” “I took it to the postoffice.” “What! Did you not see that it had no address?” “Yes, sir, but I thought yon didn’t want me to know for whom it was intended. ” “I don’t put much faith in proverbs,” said Brown to Jones. “For instance, ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed. Now, most of my experience with friends in need has been that they wanted to borrow money. Give me a friend that is not in need.”

“How long have you been in the turkey-raising business, Mr. Wattel?” “l ive or six years, sir.” “And in your experience what turkeys made the best layers ?” “Boned-turkeys, by all odds, particularly if you require the layers for picnic sandwiches. ” Yonkers Gazette. “Wouldn’t you like to have a bow ?* said the bold archer, as they sauntered down the field; and she murmured “Yes;” and the absorbed archer said, “What kind of a bow would you prefer?” She quivered a little as she replied, archly, “I think I should prefer yew;” and then the young man understood, and although he was an ar-row-chested youth, he went to the target and heaved a bull’s sigh. WAITING. I sit and watch the rain drops fall, I gaze out at the dull gray skies, I only see the rain clouds’ pall. Or -watch the ghostly mists that rise. I do not turn my head to see The narrow room that bolds me hers ; I watch the rain and long to be Far from my prison room so drear. Why, laughter waits for me out there, And hearty clasp of lovmg hands, And merry songs and laces fair— Could I but break my prison bands. But htre I pine, as one in ban. Forbidden by the fates to roam, Until that laggard tailor man Shall send my only trousers home. — Burdette, in Brooklyn Eagle. THEY COULDN'T SEE HIS FAULTS. He was a most emphatic, willful, stiff-necked, systematic, mental, spiritual, erratic, and a most degraded creature ; He was given to frivolity and most unseemly jollity, and had no single quality as a redeeming feature. He was full of injudiciousness, and insolent officiousness, andVouatless kinds of viciousness deformed his reputation— A saple =8 imbecility, a lack of strong virility, a monstrous incivility and moral obfuscation. Yet his steps were-all attended, aU his freaks and whims defended by a retinue of splen- . did, rapt extravagant extollers ; For this vicious, mediocre, cracked, irascible old croaker was a rich and bonded broker, and was worth a million dollars. — Lynn Union. A Dakota hotel advertises a cyclone cellar as one of its attractions. The following is its. card: SLIDEUNDER HOUSE, Toknado Bill, - . Proprietor. Hot and cold air in every room. Elegant, cemetary in connection. ESP This is the only House in the City provided with a Cyclone Cellar for convenience of Guests. Flume leading from each room to Cellar. Guests can drop from top floor in quarter second. No requirements as to Costume while making Descent. Stop at the -Slideunder, and while Guests of other Hotels will be mounting the Golden Stair you will be scooting down the Flume leading to Absolute Safety. £3?“Ask yourself this Question: Am I prepared to die?— Esteliine Bell.