Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 July 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The color of a sick dog—a purp iIL A policeman’s lot is often an acher. Wise —“What’s the news, Henry?” Husband—“ War is going on in Greece." Wife—“Oh, lard!”— Newman Independent. Smith —Ha, Jones! Suppose we go a-fishing? Jones—Can’t do it, my boy.” Smith—Why not? Jones—l swore off liquor the first of the year.— Boston Courier. It is said that shingles may be made fire-proof, but you cannot convince the small boy who has had experience that a shingle is not frequently red-hot.— Lowell Citizen. When a coil of lead pipe in front of a hardware store begins to wiggle and stick out its forked tongue a Dakota man knows it is time to swear off. | Estelline Bell. “Do you not see on every side evidences of the new art of making home attractive?” asks an exchange. Weregret to say that we do not. We board. —New York Graphic. The man who makes two blades of grass grow where only one grew before is a benefactor to his species, and the woman who will get along with only one bonnet where two were needed before is an ornament to her sex.— Fall Fiver Advance. “How are you getting along with that red-lieaded wife of yours?” asked Gilhooly of an intimate friend. “My wife gives me a heap of trouble. After we have a row and just get through having a monkey and parrot time of it, she doesn’t give me any peace or quiet, until we have started a fresh fuss.”— Texas Siftings. It i 3 said that Queen Victoria requested the Prince of Wales to edit the life of John Brown, but that the Prince positively refused. 'J he Queen was much grieved, and, in conversation with a prominent gentleman, said: “Yes, Hi ham ’urt. Hi thought ’e would do ’imself the honor of hediting such a work, but Hi was mistaken. Halas! the’ead is not cold until the noble body is forgotten. Hi would get somebody helse to liedit it, but Hi don’t want to out liany money. Halas!”— Arkansaw Traveler. The old gentleman was intently studying a letter he had just received from iite lawyer, hanging fire on the words suum cuique, which the legal wight had carelessly shelled out. Seeing his son enter, he exclaimed: “See here, Billy, you’re a Latin scholar, what do these words mean?” pointing to the aforesaid suum cuique. “Mean?” replied Billy; “Why, I should think you could flush that sentence, even if it isn’t spelled according to Hoyle. Sue ’em quick, is what the counselor meant to say, but he’s a little erratic in his orthography.”— Yonkers Gazette. A man in last year’s clothes was seated at a table in the reporters’ room writing. It was costing him great effort, apparently, for his tongue was sticking out about four inches asnd he shoved the pen along as if it were a plow. “Who is that?” whispered the city editor to one of the boys, who had been coaching the visitor. “Anarchist,” replied the reporter, with a warning shake of the head. “The devil! How do you know?” gasped the city editor. “Saw his writing. Spells God with a little g,” and the reporter slipped out. Washington Critic.

THE LADIES’ MAN. He’s handsome, polite, Unapproachable quite In elegance, gracefulness, style; In a word, debonair, And admired by the fair, Whose hearts ’tis his aim to beguile. He’s attentive to Jane, And he flirts with Elaine, And he murmurs soft nothings to Fan; While his mustache he twirls, But beware of fiim. girls, For he isn't a marrying man. He can sing in duet With Janet or Rosette, And the upright inano can play; And delightfully spoon Througn a whole afternoon, With Bella while playing croquet. He’s expert in all games Played by maidens and dames, And waltz through"the german he can; Most gracefully whirls, But beware of him, girls, For he isn’t a marrying man. —Boston Courier.