Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 July 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Full moon—the honeymoon. A feast of freezin’—ice cream. All played out—open-air concerts. It is the “duck of a bonnet” that makes a young girl’s head swim. “I was down once myself,” remarked a feather in a lady’s bonnet, when it saw her take an emphatic seat on a banana peel. It costs twenty-eight dollars a week to feed a circus tiger. At that rate what would the monthly board of a catamount to? Speaking of drinking, it may be observed that the man who “can take it or leave it alone” generally takes it.— Boston Courier. “Is that sailor intoxicated?” “Well, I wouldn’t swear to it, but he looks as if he had just doubled Cape Horn.”— Boston Budget. A minitser may, occasionally be carried away with the inspiration of his theme, but he generally gets back in time to take up the collection. — Fall River Advance. Are we losing our teeth?” asks a St. Louis editor. You might get Congress to send an exploring party into your mouth and find out and not burden your paper with things of no interest to your readers.— Estelline Bell. “Come, old fellow, don’t take your losses so much to heart,” said one Wall street broker to another who had just lost heavily; “come, bear up!” “I will!” replied the other with determination ; “never again will you find me on the bull side.” “Mother,” said a little girl to her parent, who takes a great interest in charitable institutions, “I wish I were an orphan.” “Why so, my dear?” “Because I should see more of you, for you are all the time going to the orphan asylum.”— Boston Journal.

“Wha’i’s the matter with that man?” “Who, that lean, gaunt fellow?” “Yes.” “Alas, he is doomed. Two weeks ago he was the fattest man in town.” “What caused him to lose all his flesh?” “He served as a Judge at a baby show.” — Arkansaw Traveler. “Are you an advocate of home rule for Ireland, Mr. Henpeck?” “Indeed I am, and if my vote would insure it Ireland would have a monopoly of it.” “How do you mean, sir?” “Why, I mean that as far as I am concerned Ireland is so entirely welcome to home rule that I would ship her at once, if I could, the sample of it that my wife has introduced and maintained in my household, and the sooner it was shipped the better.”— Yonkers Gazette.

There is a man residing in Rondout who is very particular about the daily observance of family worship. His wife is a thoroughly good woman, but her religion is of a practical nature. She thinks there is a time for everything—family worship included—but that time, to her way of thinking, is not when a savory breakfast is all ready to be placed on the table. One morning when her husband’s prayer was longer drawn out than usual, a suspicious smell of overdone biscuit was wafted slowly but surely toward her olfactory organs. She wriggled and twisted and thought of her biscuits, and at last, when the husband started off afresh on a new track, to which there seemed no end, she startled the good man by saying: “Lord! John, cut it short, I’ve bread in the oven.” —Kingston Freeman.

DID HE EVER TALK TO A BOSTON GIRL? He had studied every lexicon from ancient Mede to Mexican, Knew Assyrian, Sanscrit, Greek: Knew the shape of sword aud sandal of tho Visigoth and Vandal, And the old Etmscan features and physique. He could write a song or sermon in old Celt ox Ancient German, And sing Italian songs and roundelays, Describe Tiglath-Pilezer, the herbivorous Neb’chadnezzer, And all the kings and queens of olden days. He knew Nimrod, Noah, Cyrus, and the monarchs of Epirus, And gave scholarly descriptions of their deeds; He could lend an added spiondor to the ancient witch of Endor, And describe the early monarchs of the Swedes. But when ho turned to Russian, he reeled with the concussion Of a word that parched and paralyzed and stung, For Ivan - Adamowsi - Shanki - Ranoff - PeterSquoskie Completely tied and tangled up his tongue. —Lynn Union.

They Sympathized with Each Other. The small boy had just taken a trip across his mother’s lap, and as he came out of the house he gave indications that the passage had been a stormy one. “Hello, Tommie,” said his father, meeting him at the door. “What’s the matter ?” “Mother,” he replied, sententiously. “So?” queried the father, who seemed to understand the case. “Yep; trying to get blood out of a turn up, I guess; feels that way, anyhow. ” The father shook hands sympathetically with his son and heir and then posted.— Washington Critic.

If we are content to do or avoid certain things merely because we are compelled to do so; if we secretly wish that the constraint were removed so that wo could bound back into opposite courses; if our hearts refuse their allegiance to what our hands seem forced to do—then we may be sure we are not preparing for the law of liberty which awaits all who are able to value it. Good laws and intelligent obedience are the porch and entrance through which we must pass to dwell in the larger and freer courts of liberty, where a beautiful, loving loyalty will hold us closer to the right and the good than all penalties, or terrors, or restraints.