Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 June 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A ballet-girl is something of a philosopher; she believes in gauze and effect. Whf.n a young girl goes to church to exhibit her new sealskin she certainly might be called sack-religious. Mrs. Coyne has sued a man in Youngstown, Ohio, for damages for breach of promise. He don’t want Coyne, but she does. Two stupid hunters shot a woman, mistaking her for a bear. A woman should never be mistaken for anything but a dear. Policeman —“Y r ou have been standing here for an hour. Move on.” Ab-sent-minded chess-player—“ Beg pardon, sir, it’s your move. ” — Judge. There is not so much difference between a restaurant and a cattle barn as one would at first suppose. The former ha 3 many tables, and the latter has its stables, too.— Chicago News. A Paris correspondent writes that he finds great difficulty in gaining admittance into the cemeteries. Let him try the experiment of dying, and tho gates will be opened to him.— Hartford Times. Mrs. Elberon—“lt seems to me Mrs. Exeter wears loud colors.” Mr. Elberon “Be charitable, my dear. Perhaps you don’t know that poor Mrs. Exeter is almost totally deaf. ” — Boston Beacon. “Now, sir, you had better,” said a Boston faith-doctor to a patient he had been treating, “tell me just how you feel.” “Weil, sir,” replied the victim, “I feel like a fool; how much is your bill ?”— New York Sun. “Look here,” remarked De W’iggs to the corner grocer, “this pavement here is awfully slippery. Why don’t you throw some sand on it?” “Can’t get a bit,” replied the grocer. “Well, throw some sugar over it; the pavement won’t know the difference.” “Chestnut!” yelled the grocer.— Pittsburgh Chronicle.

An exchange, in speaking of a certain man, says: “He will spend some time looking after his business interests in this vicinity.” This comes of carelessness. He should have kept his business interests tied up in some safe place and then he wouldn’t have to spend valuable time hunting after them. —Estelline Bell. “You can’t avoid a stroke of lightning by dodging,” says a newspaper item. This is a very long-headed statement and will probably cause a sensation when it gets out. It is equally impossible to avoid a stroke of lightning by going out the back door and telling the office boy to say you are off on a fishing trip and won’t be back for two weeks.— Estelline Bell. A critic visited the studio of a painter the other day. “Very good, this cavalier,” said he, eying a new painting with the air of a connoisseur; “but I think his legs are a little too long.” “Ah!” replied the artist. “I am very well satisfied with what you say. Mons. A , who was just here, said they were too short. They must therefore be about right.”— French Paper. Wife— “ Well, Ned, what do you think Charlie wants now? He asked me to-day if I wouldn’t help him tease you to buy him a bicycle. ” Indulgent Father (who once had ambitions himself) —“Bicycle? Nonsense. The boy can’t have it. Tell him to go up in the attic, and fall down two flights of stairs. It will be just about the same thing, and save me sloo.”— Somerville Journal. The following note was found tacked to a pine tree in the Stamp Creek district of Bartow County: “To the Overseare &, rode bans, I hante aßle to work & it hante no yuse of Me ex come in to the Rode A 1 wood Be Glad es you all Wood lete mee ofe & es you wonte Guste lay oft Me so Mutch on the Weste ende & when i get aßle i will worke it oute es hit will suite you alle.” —Savannah (Go.) News. THE CULTURED MAID. - She comes from Boating, And like a frosting Is the polish that shs puts on every part ; She’s read in Ctcsah, And truly she’s a Cultivated maid in evory modern art. She’s up in nowness, And with a howness Surely wonderful for one that’s in her ’teens ; She’s read in Schiller, And what a filler Is she when she hits a plate of Boston beans 1 — Tid-Bits. Bad winds blow goad ; we’ll still be stout And let no ill our feelings harrow; The freeze that brings the plumber out Destroys the ugly English sparrow. Courier-Journal.