Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 June 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Signs of spring—bull-frogs and other croak cusses. As a home-ruler the cook. is a supreme success. A baby does not dissemble. He always hollers when he feels holler. A grammarian would, no doubt, define Adam’s original position as “first person, singular.” “What bell are you ringing?” he asked of the colored sexton, “Dis is de secon’ ring of de fus belL ” A young lady, who Baid she had married a tanner, deceived her fr ends most shamefully. He was only a schoolmaster. She—What a man you are, George, always making fun of the ladies’ taper waists! He —And what should I do with a taper but to make light of it ? Employer—“ Don’t you see what’s on the door ?” Fat—“A bit of paper, sur.” Employer—“lt says, ‘Please shut the door.’ ” Pat -“Fait, I didn't hear it, sur.” “Do you work miracles here ?” said an intruder who had come in to break up the meeting. “No,” said the leader, as he collared the rascal, “but we cast out devils!” “It takes a superior woman to be an old maid,” says Miss Sedgwick, the authoress. She generally becomes an old maid before she discovers her superiority. — Maverick. The bow-legged man may not stop a pig from passing him in the a ley, but his usefulness to sieiety is recognized when the marble season bursts upon the small boy in all of its bloom. — Maverick.

SEEMINGLY so. The dude sat chewing the monkey’s head That was carved in the handle of his umbrella, When ths beautiful maiden, shuddering, said, “Oh! please don’t do that again, dear Fred.” And he asked, in suprise, “Why not, dear Bella? Why not, I ask you?” “Because,” said she, “It looks like cannibalism to mo." —Boston Courier. Boarding-house keeper to applicant for room: “What is your business, young man?” “I am an instructor, madam. I coach deficient collegians.” “Eh—what’s that?” “A tutor, madam; lam a tutor.” “Oh, one of them gents that plays in the band, eh? All right, I didn’t know but what you was one of them poor miserable fellers that gets their livin’ by teachin’. Gome right in, sir.” —Burlington Free Press.

It looked like rain as Mr. Joblittle started out of the house, and he came back into the room where his wife was. “I thought you had gone down to meet the boys ?” she said, quietly. “I started, my dear, but it looks like rain.” “Ain’t you going?” “Yes, but I guess I’d better jjake a waterproof along with me.” “Perhaps you had, my love,” she said, ironically; “and, dear, don’t you think you had better take a whiskyproof along?” Job concluded that the proof was against him. —Merchant Traveler.

HOW THEV AKE PRONOUNCED BY SENSIBLE PEOPLE. Long time he’d boen away from home, The Reverend Mr. Harris ; When he returned he told his wife That he had been to Paris. And when he asked his wife about His little girls and boys. She said that they were visiting An aunt in Illinois. She said she was in failing health, And, if he had the means, She’d like to have a trip herself As far as New Orleans. He said, “My dear, you’ll have the trip— The proper thing to do is To go together, and we’ll take The steamer at St. Louis." —Boston Courier. “Gentlemen,” said a Dakota Justice of the Peace, taking a fresh bite of tobacco, “when the attorney for the defense, a recent importation from the played-out and run-down East t says that this court is not run in accordance with business principles he shows that he is not on intimate or friendly terms with inside facts. I charged the plaintiff $lO for beginning this suit, it costs the defendant $5 for the privilege of being heard on his side, I have decided to fine each party #25 and I would further, gentlemen, taike this ’ere public method of socking a fine of sls for contempt of court onto the beforeinmentioned flickering legal light from the spavined East. And gentlemen and fellow-citizens, lemme say further, that this SBO, together with certain other moneys paid in at this Sbrine of justice, goes to buy a hoss for this ’epe court, which may serve to convince the legal gentleman who injures the chances of the defendant for $2.50 a day and found that he is mistaken in his business principal racket. All parties to this action will please step for’ard and whack up.” —Estelline Bell.