Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 May 1886 — He’d Choose to be a Baby. [ARTICLE]

He’d Choose to be a Baby.

The following story was told at the recent encampment of the Grand Arfny at Mexico, Mo. A group around one of the numerous camp-fires were relating incidents of bravery and cowardice shown in battle, and this is one of them “It was at the battle of Gettysburg,” said the speaker, “when the bullets were falling like hail, and the shells were shrieking and bursting over our heads in a way to make the bravest heart tremble, a private dropped out of the ranks and skulked back to the rear. He was well under way, when, unfortunately for him, he was met by General Slocum coming to the front. “ ‘What are you doing here? Get back to your post,’ the General shouted. “The poor fellow stopped still and trembled like a leaf, but made no reply. “ ‘Get back to your post, you miserable coward; aren’t you ashamed of yourself to be skulking back here when you should be in the front with youi brave comrades?’ “Still the man made no reply, but commenced to cry like a year-old infant “ ‘You infamous, sneaking coward,’ shouted the infuriated general, get back to your post; I’ll ride you down like a dog. Why. you are nothing but a baby.’ “ ‘i-I-I’ll t-t-t-tell you what, g-g-gen-eral,’ said the blubbering fellow, ‘l’d g-g-g-give anything just n-n-now if I was ab-b-baby. a»d i-Ms I had my eh-ch-choice I’d r-r-rather be a female b-b-b-baby.’ ” I