Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 May 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The Mersey is used for a Avater sup ply, and the takers complain of the water. The quality of Mersey is not strained.— Lowell Courier. It seems strange that we never meet the man who Has drawn a lottery prize; but we frequently hear of the man Avho came Avithin one or two numbers of it. — Puck. Woeth, the dress-maker, may not be long remembered after his death, but it can’t be denied that few men have made more bustle in life. — Boston Courier. It is stated that the King of Greece is tired of politics. The statement seems incredible, as the King never was in Washington during a session of Congress. —California Maverick.

“The chain of evidence is against you,” said the prosecuting attorney to the prisoner, as the detective handed up the redeemed Avatch with the dangling guard.— San Francisco Maverick. At the antiquary’s: Collector ofCurios—“ Have you any genuine Roman falchions?” Dealer (off’his guard)— “I am sorry, but they’re all being rusted and Avon’t be ready until next week.” Architecture is called “frozen music,” but some buildings look as if the orchestra had been struck with a heavy frost when they were tuning their instruments. Boston Commercial Bulletin.

An English paper reports that during recent explorations at Nineveh a petrified umbrella was found in one of the temples. Near bv was the petrified man who was just about to make off with it. —Philadelphia Call. An eccentric street wanderer in Cleveland seems to have a mania for accumulating old boot?, and already has the loft of his shanty full of them. As he is too deaf to be annoyed by cats, it is surmised that he contemplates starting a brewery.— Chicago Ledger. First Actor —“ Hullo, old fellow, back again ? I thought you went W est to star.” Second Actor—“l did; but their spelling is so deuced bad out there, you know.” F. A.-“ Spelling bad! What’s that got to do with it ?" S. A.—“ Well, I could stand most anything; but I found they spelled star with a v-e, so I came back.”— Rambler.

ON A DRUGGIST. Hia virtues are worthy of mention Whose body lies here ’neath the sod; ’Tis said to his keen Apprehension A wink was as good as a nod: Ail his prescriptions from errors were froe, And one of society’s pillars was he. —Boston Courier. THE NEW MAUD MULLER. Maud Muller had a father gay— He was a poet, by the way; He sang his songs from morn till night About the beauties of the right. But when his daughter wanted hash She could not go to him for cash. And so, within one blooming year, She called two husbands, darling, dear! — Boston Budget. They were at a concert in Chicago, and Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony had just been played. “It is beautiful,” said she, “but I adore the entire nine. ” “Yes,” replied her George, “they are! the best in the world.” “So striking!”! she added. “Can’t be beat on striking,” he echoed. “So catching!” she sighed. “Their catching was what did the busi- 1 ness,” said George, enthusiastically., “Their fielding is down to a fine point.” “Why, what on earth are you talking; about, George—the Beethoven sym-1 phonies?” “Not much! I’m talking! of our champion nine, $e best ball-! tossers on the earth!”— Musical Her- j aid. There is a debating society at the Harvard Annex where grave questions of sociology and ethics are discussed by the young women. The historian heard two of them talking vei-y earnestly the other day about their next meeting, and he asked one of them: “Wliat subject do you debate next time?” “We are thinking of discussing the secularization of Sunday,” she replied. “Ah! And are you against it?” “No, indeed! Or, wait—yes I am, too. O, I always forget which way it means!” If you had heard that dreadfully mixed-up reply of the young sociologist, while her cheeks grew as l’ed as fire, you would have thought it delicious.—Boston Record. The representative of one of the great religious papers of the country called at one of our large Connecticut factories and offered as a personal favor to write up the whole concern in big shape for SI,OOO. The offer was declined in the same noble spirit of self-sacrifice with which it was made. Then it was renewed at SSOO (under request of secrecy if accepted). This was declined, too; and the religious representative knocked himself down step hy step until, while his first demand was for SI,OOO, his last offer was to do’it for nothing if they would take fifty copies of the paper containing the proposed article! And they wouldn’t accept that; they didn’t so much ob ject to being written up, but they didn’t know what to do, they said, with the fifty papers.— Hartford Courant.

Accounts show that the saltpeter beds of Nevada are far better situated for their development than the nite'region of South America, which is > arid desert. Water for all purposes is condensed from the ocean water and carried to the niter fields, fuel being procured from the mountains in South Chili. In Nevada, the saltpeter deposits are in the vicinity of a rich farming country, with an abundant supply of water and wood at hand.

No one ever fully comprehends the world’s nature, but many a man who has had the bottom of his hopes and aspirations knocked ihto oblivion by the unfeeling world has caught a faint glimmer of humanity. —Chicago Ledger. . .