Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 April 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The shoemaker is an authority on soles, the dressmaker on bodice.— Boston Courier. Thebe are 19,000,000 dogs in this country, yet Bologna sausage is twentyfive cents a pound. A pcmp-maker in Milwaukee attended a dairy convention in Sheboygan, Wis. There’s gall for you. It is said that Aimee eats a twopound can of baked beans daily. No wonder she has lost her voice. Levy, the cornetist, says he used to rise in the night and blow the cornet. No wonder his wife got a divorce. “Hubby, why is it that so few women can whistle?” “Because nobody can talk and whistle at the same time.”— Chicago Ledger. Chewing and drinking are alike in this: One depends upon a tobacco quid and the other upon a liquid.— Merchant Traveler. A San Francisco minister found a slice of dried tongue lying beside the Bible last Sunday when he entered his pulpit. He took thefifnt.— California Maverick. Whatever faults the dude may have he cannot be accused of hiding his talents under a bushel. It is impossible for any one to hide anything of whieh he is not in possession.— Boston Courier. “Ain’t you ’shamed ter be seen in der Tabernacle in sich raggerdy pan's?” said Whangdoodle Baxter to Jim Webster. “No, indeed, Parson, I ain’t ’shamed. Dey don’t belong ter me. What’s I got ter be ’shamed of ?” — Texas Siftings. A frontiersman who had been mildly tomahawked by an Indian, remarked that he had no occasion to feel offended at the matter of his assailant’s speech at the time, but at theaxesent.—Yonkers Gazette. It has been discovered that the case of a pianoforte can be used for the storage of electricity. It is believed that this is the reason why so many piano-players make such thundering poor music.— Newman Independent. An editor in Pennsylvania prints a paragraph in which he claims that a certain family lias taken his paper for the last ninety-five years. There is probably no other instance on record where cord wood and promises have hung on as long as this.— Estelline Bell. Bagdad is a place of oyer a hundred thousand inhabitants, and A r et it has no place of public amusement, and the women folk never talk about each other. If human nature is the same the world over, what a godsend a dog fight must be among the Bagdadians.— Cliicago Ledger. The editor of an Arkansas newspaper published at Wiley’s Cove sent the following letter to the editor of tho North American Review: “My Dear Sir —Ever since my paper has been started, I have off and on copied from your publication, but yeu have never copied a line from my paper, the Rooster. I have bought your publication hoping to see if you had copied from me, but you never have. lam a man who believes that turn about is fair play. When a man treats me well, I treat him well, and now, sir, I desire to say that I am not going to copy anything more from you. I don’t propose to advertise your magazine for nothing. I will keep on. however, if yon copy the inclosed joke on our County Judge. Mind, I don’t urge you, but don’t hesitate to say that if you fail it is all- over with us.”— Arkansaw Traveler.