Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 March 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

People who wear pepper-and-salt suits are always in season. Thebe is an experienced thresher to be found in erery.school of whales. Ah in-cider —the boy who fell into a tub of apple juice.— St. Paul Herald. A close call—let me look at one of yonr ready-made suits.— Boston Courier. Mutton chops, properly cooked, are delicious; and then mutton is always sheep. “The dearest ‘pot’ uneai-th to me*” sang the man when he “opened on aces.” A Buffalo cobbler calls his trade “Open Confession,” because it is good for the sole. The man who pounds the bar to attract the attention of the saloonist is a spirit rapper.— Buffalo World. Scamps, as a rule, always scamper, when danger draweth nigh. For as W. Shakspeare observes, “A guilty conscience makes cowards of ns all. ” Your bluff old chap, that boasts of always doing things “by the card,” is very apt to perform his gambols with a sort of an ante-lope. Yonkers Gazette. “How can I ascertain the weight of the earth?” asks a correspondent. First time you get a chance, weigh it. That’s the only weigh we know of.— Maverick. “Either a Millionaire or a Lunatic” is a head-line in an exchange. As soon as we get time we shall take an invoice and ascertain which class we belong to. —Maverick. Phlit says sometimes he is ornamented with wood-cuts and sometimes with steel-plates, just as his mother happens to get a shingle or a shovel.— Merchant Traveler. “With a population of about 300,000,000, China lias not a single insane asylum,” says an exhange. Exactly, but, my dear brother, you should remember that China hasn’t a single book agent either.— Newman Independent. “In Thibet the women do all the hard work, leaving the men co do the visiting and gossiping.” We shouldn’t think t ie women of Thibet bad sufficiently robust constitutions to lounge around the saloons eighteen hours out of twenty-four, discussing affairs of state, and inventing schemes to boom business and disentangle foreign complications.—Norristown Herald. The moon shone softly down on them, And life seemed more than words could utter. He said: “We’ll live on love, my gem.* She said she wanted bread and butter. —Merchant Traveler. A puff in the paper will cause one delight, For it maketn the world seem fair; But a puff in the face from a dirty old pipe Is enough to make a man swear. — Coodall's Sun. The youthful pitcher’s good-night: If you’re waking, can me early, call mo early, mother door, For I’m to pitch in the .Jackßon Nine In the biggest game of the year; We licked the High School fellows last week, and now we claim Wo can knock the stuffing out of them in a consolation game. —Brooklyn Times. Rev. Mr. Beecher says that “as a rule, the good and the bad die about alike, and go out of this life through a gate which has oiled hinges.” But it would be more comforting to our “wicked contemporaries” to be assured that the good and the bad alike enter the other life through a gate which has oited hinges.— Norristown Herald. THE MAIDEN’S FAREWELL. The time has come and we must part, The teardrop dims mine eye. How oft I’ve clasped thee to my heart With joy in days gone by! When first I saw thee I was sure Thou earnest to me to stay, But nothing earthly doth endure — All things must joass away. How oft in days forever past My form thou hast embraced I Another takes thy place at last f And clasps me round the waist. But such is life —we meet to part, In midst of change we dweffi I clasp another to my breast — Old corset fare thee well. —Boston Courier.