Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 January 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Song of the ahirt— Come rest on this bosom. Song of the Nanny goat —Bye, oh, Baby Bunting. “This is the fall of the ear,’ r as the man said, when he clipped his terrier’s auricular appendages.— St. Paul Herald. THE BEST BOLE. Every man has a role in life. And has had since time began. But after all the baker’s roll Is the best for a hungry man. —Boston Courier. If Tom ever heard some women screeching “Do-hont le-heve your Mo-o-lio-hother, Tom,” he would stick tighter to her than a piece of shoemaker’s wax will stick 5 a pair of dove-colored trousers.— Brooklyn Times. “I hear your son is quite a singer, Mr. Yawp.” “Well, he does jerk his vocal tubes occasionally.” “What kind of a voice has he got ? Is it a baritone V” “I guess it is, for most people can b’ar-it-only a little while.”— Yonkers Gazette. “And so you're married, Gracie ?” “l r es. ” “Is your husband a good-na-tured man?” “Well, now, isn’t he, though ? I can eat onions whenever I take a notion, and he never says ‘Boo!’ about it ."—Chicago Ledger. “How do you tell a fool when you see oue, Mrs. Jones,” asked a wearisome old baclie’or of a lively young widow. “I usually tell one to leave,” she replied, and the bachelor didn’t ask for a diagram.— Merchant Traveler. Theatrical bill-boards are being abolished in several Southern cities. What traveling theatrical companies would rather see is the abolition of board-bills. They wouldn’t have so much trouble getting out of town when “business” was bad, if such a reform was effected.— Norristown Herald. Do not be too emphatic in the expression of your opinions, my son. I once heard your mother speak of the Bliggses as the scum of the earth. Since then the “scum” has risen, as it always does, first or last, and will have nothing to do with yonr mother or me. —Boston Transcript. An English scientist says the Niagara Falls are about seven thousand years old, while another scientist of that country places their age at thirty thousand years. These is a slight difference in the figures, but hardly enough to occasion any comment. It is not often English scientists so closely agree upon any one subject.—Norristoivn Herald. “And so Stickum is going into the saloon business, is he?” “That’s what they say.” “What sort of a go do you think he’ll make of it?” “I shouldn’t wonder but what he will do right well.” “I wouldn’t think it. He’s full nearly all the time now. ” “That’s the point. He ought to save enough on his own drinks to pay the rent.”— Chicago Ledger. TRIALS OF A POKER PLAYER. The evenings now are growing long, And the husband’s desire will be strong To “pass” a great “deal” Of his loisrrj where he’ll Hear the poker "pot” singing its song. He’ll come home with his face in a “flush” And his mouth “full” of business gush; After tea, he will stato Ho must hasten back “straight” To help the boys through with the rush. Aud his wife, with her innocent ways, Her industrious (?) husband will jiraiso ; But some day she’ll find She was going it “blir d,” And her “hand” in amazement will “raise.” For her mother, if still she’s on “deck," Her trust in her husband will wreck; With a twist of her lip. She will put in her “chip,” And the “pot” will boil over a spec. — Columbus (O.) Dispatch. The colored editor of a paper devoted to the best interests of the colored community has just finished a heartrending obituary notice of a deceased white gentleman, a friend of the editor. The foreman of the office came in for some copy, and the editor handed him the obituary notice, and instructed the foreman to put it under the head “Necrology. ” The foreman read the notice, and in a sort of dazed manner exclaimed : “I say, boss, does you know who de man is wot you is writing about?” “Certainly I knew him. He was a prominent citizen of this place, and has been my friend for years. ” “Was he a white man?” “Yes, sir.” “Well, does you think dis notice should have a head on it like Negrology?” “It is perfectly proper, sir.” “All right, den, I puts it dere; but I kind o’ spect dat Negrology applies to de black man.” — National Weekly.