Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 January 1886 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A day off—to-morrow. Some shoemakers are notoriously long-lived—the Tasters, for instance. We have just happened to think that John L. Sullivan can’t box the compass.—Lowell Citizen. The New Hampshire Gazette is over a hundred years old. It never chewed tobacco, smoked, or used spirituous liquors. I met the girl of the . And gently took herO“; I thought Id pop the ? But I didn’t have the s&. —St. Joseph Gazette. “Hello, Judson; how are you?” “Pretty well, thank you.” “How are you at home?” “Wife says I’m rather grumpy.”— Columbus Spectator. Etiquette is a studied style of behavior for particular occasions Good manners stay by a man at any time and are more important.— New Orleans Picayune. “You want a servant-girl?” “Yes, a colored one.” “Are you particular about having a colored one?” “les, we've had a death in the family, and we’re in mourning.”— Boston Courier. “Using tobacco in one form.” says a hater of the weed, “usually leads to the use of it in another.” This is doubtless true, for when a man first takes snuff he must et-chew! — Boston Courier. A woman in Georgia lived forty-eight days on water, and then died. Water is a pretty thin diet, for a fact, but we know some sailors who have lived nearly all their lives on water.—Stocton Maverick. “It’s through no fault of mine,” complained a tired-looking young man, “that I came into the world. But lam here, and the world owes me a living.* “les,” was the reply, “the wo:ld owes you a living, but you haven’t energy and spunk enough to collect it.”— New York Sun. Humanity owes at least one little debt of gratitude to Emile Zola. When he was poor he used to catch English sparrows and eat them. Now, any man who wdl come to America and eat English sparrows can secure steady employment at good wages and will be hailed as a public benefactor.—Brooklyn Eagle. A traveler through Arabia writes that when a Bedouin is asked to have a drink, his answer would frequently be: “No, thanks; I drank yesterd y.* Now, in Kentucky—ahem! Well, if a Kentuckian should refuse the drink ue would Bedouin something unprec. dented in the annals of civilization.—California Mave, ick. Some fellow proposes to start a magazine in this country, having for its object the encouragement of unknown but aspiring poets. Crime assumes various shapes nowadays. As soon as the place of concealment of the pro ector of this new horror becomes known, it is believed be will be justifiably assassinated with neatness and dispatch.— Norristown Herald. „

THE MAID OF CONCORD. “Where are you going to, my Concord maid?* “Into the hencenesa.of whereof," sho said. “May I go with you, my Concord maid?" “If you have whatness of whyness. ” she said. “What is your father, my Concord maid?” “He is a whichness of howness, sir,” she said. “What is your fortune, my Concord maid?” “The amness of to be, sir,” she said. “Then I shan’t marry you, my Concord maid." “Go to the thenceness of thereness," she said. —Chicago Sun. THE MISTAKE SHE MADE. The damsel who's been bathing at the beaches, at the beaches, And bathing, too, in very scanty clothes, scanty clothes, Has found the wisdom that experience teaches, ’perience teaches, Since she couldn't find a lover who’d propose, who'd propose. And she murmurs, while her tears are fast desc n ling, fast descending, And impatiently she stamps her little foot, little loot, That her summer might have had n, different ending, different ending, If she'd ’outworn upadded bathing suit, bathing suit. —Boston Courier. “Papa, what is a tornado?” asked a youthful seeker after information. Glancing nervously around the room to see if the coast was clear, the old man said: “You have often heard your mother blowing me up so bringing company home without previously notifying her?” “Yes, sir.” “Weil, that is as much like a tor alo as anything I know of. But you need not tell your mother that I said so, however. ”y-Afeu> York Journal.