Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 December 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A man tried to piccolo note ont of a piccolo, but it flute to his head. Texas Siftings. The grandest performance out—Niagara in her great cataract.— Texas Siftings. The man with the most faults grieves at his neighbor’s one little shortcoming. Whitehall Times. It is said that Jay Gould’s maxim is: “Buy an editor when you can—get him in jail when he won’t sell.”— Detroit Free Press. The man who can keep heaven in his heart while he has the other place in his stomach is the proper sort of Christian to tie to.— Chicago Ledger. 'Tis sweet to love, But, oh! 'tis honey To love a girl Who’s got the money. —Washington Hatchet. . An editor at Wickliffe, Ky., is also the undertaker of the place. It is needless to say he has the journalistic virtue of liking his bier— St. Paul Herald. “They tell me you have acquired a snug fortune, Mr. Grimesf” “Perhaps I have.” “What was the secret of your success?” “Minding my own business, sir.”— Chicago Ledger. Church music never sounds so thrilling as when the organ is playing “I seek no wealth but Jesus’ Jove,” and . the deacons ave pattering around the aisles with the contribution boxes.— Fall River Advance. “Mamma,” said a little girl, “I think I will raise a mustache.” “Impossible,” replied the mother, “girls cannot raise a mustache.” “Yes, they can, for I saw Annie raise cousin Charlie’s mustache last night when she kissed him.” —Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. Rev. Mr. Talmage says the average of newspaper life is five years, and that “most of them die of choiera infantum,” An impression prevails that most of them die of cramp—of cramp, that is, in the publisher s pocket book. weak circulation also proves iatal to many of them.— Norristown Herald. If mail carriers are to be changed off, let them be succeeded by female carriers. It would save a good deal of annoyance. They would read all the postal cards, of course, and an arrangement might be made with them to throw away all the duns and circulars. —lndianapolis Herald. A scientific writer says that to discover howanjinsect breathes, “take, say, a wasp or a hornet.” He may mean well, but we shall not take either a wasp or a hornet. The person who takes a wasp or a hornet to discover how an insect breaths, is pretty apt to do some very rapid and vigorous breathing himself before he proceeds very far with the investigation. Better take an insect that doesn’t violate the law agaiust carrying concealed weapons.—Norristown Herald. who is HE? EH? Behold him as he walks the streets. With head erect, Saluted by the boys he meets With great respect. His large blue eyes with pride aglsw. And lofty air, He seems a master spirit, though His feet are bare. How jauntily his hat he wears, The back pulled down, Although some tufts of reddißh bains Peep through the crown l Now who may be this lovely budt Your ear incline: He’s captain of the champion club. The small boys’ “nine.” —Boston Courier. Courtship in Utah.—“ Well, goodnight, dearest George; I hope you will reach home safely. Cannot you caU again to-morrow evening?” “No, dearest. To-morrow evening I go to see Ethelinda.” “Well, the evening after V” “Sorry; but that’s Angelina's night. It’s a fact, dearest Aurora. Eyery night in the week is occupied now, and I have three matinees to do besides. But cheer up, dearest, we’ll have a grand wedding some of these days, when I will be able to clasp you ail to my heart, never more to separate.” Then, pressing a fond kiss on his darling’s lips, the lover takes his departure. — Exchange. A woman is far more sensitive than a man. She has finer feelings and a more delicate mind. There are a very few men who realize this, and in consequence woman is made to endure much unnecessary suffering. One of our merchants was going to church with his wife, Sunday morning, when she suddenly stopped and put her hand to her head. “What’s the matter?” he asked, startled by the look of her face. “O! I have got on my brown hat." “Eh?” ejaculated the astonished man. She burst into uncontrollable tears. “’What, Martha, what is the matter with you?” he demanded. “Don’t you see what is the matter ?” she returned in a sobbing voice; “I’ve got on my brown hat with my striped silk. O, what will people say ?”— Exchange.