Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 November 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Awl inspiring—a shoemaker. A maker of men—the tailor. A belated traveler—the circus joke. High words are often followed by low language.— Carl Pretzel's Weekly. When Ignorance knocks down Genius the Damphool crowd laughs.— Whitehall Times. It is surmised that folks who curse their luck never had any to swear by. Barbers' Gazette. A dentist does not always have fair sailing. Sometimes he runs against a snag.— Texas Siftings. “She’s not of my set,” said the old hen as she chased a strange chicken out of the yard.— St. Paul Herald. “I suppose you heard we lost our son?” “What! Is he dead”” “Oh, no; he’s married.”— Chicago Ledger. KING OF MEN. When lied about, scorned and placed under a ban, Be careful; resort not to violence; When falsely accused, he’s a king, is the man Whose answer to injury’s silence. —Bouton Courier It is not the man who thumps the bar the hardest that has the most money to pay for his drink.— Brooklyn Times. 'Whenever I meet a man who claims to be so all-fired honest, I generally feel like asking him how many years h> served and what the charge was.— Evansville Argus. Photographs can now be taken in one one-hundredth part of a second, but some women can’t keep their mouths shut long enough to get a good picture.— Newman Independent. Jerk & Jump went into business in Portland, Oregon, and the boys made such fun of the names that the partnership was dissolved in six weeks. They ought to have Jumped out and Jerked the bad boys crazy.— Detroit Free Press. A mosquito in a man’s ear is not a pleasant thing to experience, but it is better than to have his black-haired wife find a tress of golden hair tangled in the top button of the coat which her husband wore to the lodge last night. —Fall River Advance. Jupiter has been called the champion planet because he wears the belt. It seems to us, however, that there is a standing challenge from Saturn to contest for the belt, as the latter always appears in ring costume. — Boston Courier. “Why, Mrs. Good, what are you wearing mourning for? Weren’t you only married two weeks ago?” “Yes, but you know Mr. G.’s first wife has only been dead a year, and my husband expects me to show proper respect, you know.”— Merchant Traveler. A writer of “advice to boys” urges a lad, when he undertakes a piece of work, to “stick to it” until it is accomplished. The fly, which undertakes to get a divorce from a piece of flypaper, generally “sticks to it,” but it costs the insecr its life.— Norristown Herald. “O’Rafferty,” said Judge Duffy of the New York Police Court, “your wife swears you struck her with great violence.” “Wid great violins, whin there is devil a fiddle, big or little, on the prameses. Bhe exaggerates too much entoirely,.yjer Honor. If was wid me boot that I rebuked her.”— Texas Siftings. The time may come when politics will mean all that is noble and good; when a small boy will break an apple in two and give his little sister t^e"biggest half; when a tramp will 'work, and a stray'dbg won’t bite; but the day will never dawn when a fly can tickle a drowsy man’s nose without getting itself disliked.— Chicago Ledger. A GROWL. Scarce out of bibs and pucker gowns They ape the soft flirtation frowns, Recumbent lie the hoop and stick Miss Mullet tries the posture trick. The baby’s passed awav—not dead, For flattery has turned her head; Before the echo of the strain Of lullaby has died away, She is queen among the vain And shallow-minded maids an fait. Frpsh from the boarding school no doubt As fashion leader she comes out— With hook all baited for her trout. She hooked him, for she baited wise With fascinating glance of eyes. Go ask the fluttering winds of night What’s worse than victimizing plight Of one whose’s hooked? Alas! ah, me!! A bachelor it is to be. —[Tbnfcers Cazette.