Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 November 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Why is wedlock like a railroad? Because there are many cross-ties in it.— Texas Siftings. A man does not like to appear in public in a stolen hat because it is not his style.— Texas Siftings. “Then you think they live happily together? “I know it.” “From what?” “Their breath. They both eat onions.” —Chicago Ledger. “Never measure a man’s intellect by his size.— Vanity Fair. No; you generally want to measure a man’s lack of intellect by his signs.— St. Paul Herald. Dr. Mary Walker claims that she has refused more than a dozen offers of marriage from men with good eyesight. This would seem to settle the question that love is hopelessly blind. —Chicago Ledger. Bev. Mr. Talmage says “people can’t go to heaven by steam.” When the water gets too low in the boiler, and an explosion ensues, some persons are pretty apt to go in the direction of heaven by steam.—NbJVbHown Herald. “Pray tell me ths difference, dear," Said Edward to his lass, “There isbetw en a store cashier And the teacher of a class?” The damsel, s niling, said: “I will; This difference you will find: “T‘ e store cashier, he minds the till; The teacher tills.the mind.” —Exchange. NO DISCOUNT. He held her hand. Said he: “To share My life with you I should be glad.” Said she: “I think I could not spare The time.” Said he: “You mike me sad.” Said she: “I’ll love yon as a brother; Not wholly blighted shall you pine.” “Thanks; but,” sail I he. “somehow or other I never cared for that in mine.” —Rochester Union. “There is no certain sign to tell when bees swarm,” cogently remarks the Waterloo Observer man. Let a couple land on your skin and begin to dig an artesian well in you, and you will have no difficulty in telling the exact moment when bees warm.— St. Paul Herald. Bobby ( a young Featherly, who is making an . evening call, —Will you speak a little French for me before you go, Mr. Featherly? Featherly (smiling) —Certainly,Bobby, if you wish it. Bobby—l do. Ma says your French is very amusing.— New York Sun. An “Anxious Inquirer” desires to know if a large number of mosquitoes are healthy. We should say decidedly so. From a diagnosis of those we have not been fortunate enough to make a mash on, we conclude that the tenor . of their voices indicate sound lungs, and- the voracity of their appetites points to a good digestion. These two are the best evidence in the world of good health.— Texas Siftings.. A medical writer says “a man should never get out of bed hastily.” It was not necessary to include boys in thia advice. A boy never gets out of bed hastily—unless he hears an alarm of fire. There are times, however, when a man is obliged to get out of bed hastily. On Sunday morning, for instance, when he hears the last church bell ring, and has only half an hour to dress and reach hia pew, he ia apt to jump out in a Lurry—provided he didn’t get up at daylight to go a-fish-ing.—Norristown Herald.

THE FISHERMAN’S BAIT. Th s is the halt the fishermen take, the fishermen take, the fishermen take when they start out the nsh to wake eo early in the morning. They take a nip before they go—good one, ah! and long and slow, for fear tire chills would lay them low, so early in the morn. Another when they’re on the street, which they repeat each time they meet for “luck”—for that’s the way to greet a fish°r in the morn. And when they’re on the river’s bank asain they drink without a wink— to fight malaria, all by the doctor’s warning. They tip a flask with true delight when there’s a bite; if fishing’s light t ey “smile” the more till jolly tight all fishing they are scorning. Another nip as they depart; one at the mart, one to part, but none when in the house they dart, expecting there’ll be mourning. This is the bait the fishermen try who fishes buy at prices high, and tell each one a bigger l eof fishing so early in the morning.