Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 September 1885 — Page 7

The Secret Order Fiend.

Beware of the secret order fiend. He is one who hts a mania for joining every society he hears of. It is a disease which costs a man much time and money and brings him no good. It makes no particular difference to the fiend what order he belongs to, so long as there is something mysterious about it, and it is run on passwords and grips, and meets in very high buildings on hot nights. When a young man is really crazy to join something, he will hitch on to the Golden Rule Chapters, to the Reconstructed Order of Indians, to the Hypothecated Sons of Cabbage, to the Most Puissant Peruvian Bark Peelers, or to any other that sounds grand or gives a sword-bearer in the concern the most importance on a wet picnic. Did you ever catch on to a veteran ancient and honorable Odd-Fellow ? He is a character. He always looks alike. That is, one looks like another. The veterans in this order have always held office. They are covered with honors and they are harmless. On the ends of their names are the most wonderful collection of initial letters to be found. Spell them out and they are the most Exalted Rulers of the Universe, the Past Grands of Affluent Ideas, the Vice Regent Regulators of Destiny, the Curtain Fixers of the Inner Temple, the Superior Brass Rod Handlers of the Third Veil. When the order gives an annual ball or picnic these men’s names and all their titles are printed in blue ink on red programmes. The Chief of Police or J udge of a Supreme Court would look upon one of these titled beings with awe. Hunt them up, and what are they ? One is a little shoemaker, sawed off and hammered down, who never speaks loud. Another is a tailor too tired to work, who is always on a committee, and who would make your acquaintance for fifteen cents. Another order which runs on grips is the Sons of Temperance. The platform of this organization is that getting drunk is sociability and to keep sober one must have company. The Sons allow the ladies, God bless ’em, to be visitors. It is for this that very many shaggy, ugly looking men embrace the order. The brothers of this style of order are apt to be weak, but they brace up on titles descriptive of Worth and Wisdom.

There are also numerous orders put up to tickle the fancy and catch the chivalrous. There are the Knights of Circles, Knights of Modesty, Knights of the Great unknown, Knights of this or that; hut mostly are they Knights that keep men down town when they ought to be at home. Little weazenfaced, bow-legged fellows are Knights of this class, and they make people laugh when they march on the streets, though the gay uniforms make them feel good. The secret order fiend is one who belongs to everything going. When, he has spent his time and money he becomes a fraternal vampire. He must live somehow on the order he has fastened himself to. He manages to hold forever what few offices there are that pay salaries, no matter how tired the subordinates have become of seeing bis name year after year. A professional secret order office holder is a terrible thing and is to be avoided. So is the fiend who neglects his business, if he has any, on the plea of working for his order. The advantages of belonging to orders are not great. “Going to the lodge” is no longer a good excuse for getting a night out with the boys. It is so thin any woman can see through it. Be a nice little gentleman, and without any secret order monkeying. Yon may receive a grip of friendship from all hands and hold a password that will bring you welcome in all good society.— St. Louis Whip.

“H. H.” as a Critic.

* Never use an obscure phrase or an unusual word when direct language or a simple term will express your meaning,” is a principle I have often heard her enjoin. Mercilessly as she could condemn in generalization, she showed the most delicate consideration when she made a personal application. She often prefaced some little criticism of my work with the remark: “Now, you won’t mind if I call your attention to an expression here that I don’t like ? I don’t find fault with the thought, but here is a word that must be changed. Yon understand that this is all a mere mechanical matter—just like any other trade. I have had a little more experience than you, and am a little better artisan; that is all. It is nothing but artisanship.” “Oh, Mrs. Jackson! Drop those three extra syllables, and call it art. ” “ No, artisanship 1” she would insist, with emphasis.— Overland.

A Youthful Socialist.

Philanthropist—Here, hare. Stop that. What are you doing to your little brother? “Why does he cry so then ?” “’Cause I took his candy away from him.” “But didn’t you have some candy, too?” "Yes, but I ate it all up.” “That gives you no right to rob your little brother.” “Yes, it do. lam a socialist, I am.” —Philadelphia Call.

A Last Resort.

“Let me see,” mused the old man, “our daughter Mary is nearly 38. Isn’t she?” “Alas! yes,” sadly replied his wife. “I am afraid that Mary is passed by, unless —unless ” “Unless what?” “Unless you are willing to go to the expense of a coachman.”— New York Sun,

Different Temperaments.

The value of self-control cannot be overestimated. Rage exhausts to a great degree the vitality of the blood. In fact, it frequently creates bad blood. With some persons, and more particularly such as are endowed with giltedged hair, passion and emotion are rarely ever checked, consequently such persons are apt to lose their heads. They are the class of lunatics who encourage their passions to burst out into flame whenever a suspender button comes unglued without warning, aud then it, the passion, not the suspender button, surges through the blood like u torrent of fire, instead of taking some friend aside to some secluded spot, aud asking him to take a pin and anchor the buttonhole of the suspender securely on the site of the missing button. Other persons remain calm and collected under the most provoking circumstances, as for instance when they endeavor to borrow a dime of a friend, and are told that the latter is not doing a banking business. There are others who, while outwardly calm, are inwardly a blazing furnace. With their blood raging at fever heat, they will maintain a placid exterior. They never become excited, so frigid is their nature, and maintain the same steady composure when they are invited to an oyster supper that they do w hen they are told that their immediate female relatives are no better than they should be.

There are several modes of curing a bad temper. If, for instance, a person throw's out an insinuation that you are a fool, do not allow your mind to dwell on a remark in which there may be a great deal of truth, but just ask him if he has heard recently from his uncle who is a fugitive from justice. Then he will turn the conversation into more pleasing channels. Children should be taught from earliest infancy to control their loud cries, by turning their thoughts to some other object than the one desired. They may be quieted by holding up a picture, or a flower, or a boot-jack. The latter object is the best. It should be held behind the infant and moved rapidly backward and forward until the desired effect is produced, although a boot-jack is apt to develop corns on the parental hand that wield;* it. —Texas Siftings.

Commercial Capabilities of the Congo. In regard to the commercial capabilities of the country Mr. Stanley says: “It bears within itself nearly all the products required by the necessities of Europe and all the elements that might be needed for its conversion from bemg an unproductive waste to be a material and moral profit to humanity. Within its bosom it contains abundant copper and iron mines, valuable forests producing priceless timber, inexhaustible quantities of rubber, precious gums, spices, pepper, and coffee, cattle in countless herds, and people who are amenable to the courtesies of life, provided they are protected from the attacks of lawless freebooters and the murderous wiles of the slave-traders. If 200 tusks arrive per week at Stanley Park, or, say $1,300,000 per annum, it would still require twenty-five years to destroy the elephant in the CoDgo Basin. In my opinion, however, ivory stands but fifth in rank among the natural products of the basin. The total value of ivory supposed to be in existence in this region would but represent 107,500 tons of palm-oil or 30,000 tons of India-rubber. By the most trifling labor of the able-bodied warriors living on the banks of the Noviyoke River, more of either palm-oil, rubber, gum, orchilla weed or cornwood could be produced in one year than all the ivory in the Congo Basin is worth,”

The World’s Champion.

Mr. Edward liaulan, the great oarsman, and until his recent contest with Beach in Australia the champion of the world, may certainly be looked upon as an authority in eveiything affecting athletic sports. Before leaving Australia for this country, he wrote a letter in which he stated that he had used St. Jacobs Oil with the most beneficial results. He found it a reliable remedy for muscular pains in the arms and limbs, aDd from his personal experience took great pleasure in recommending it No stronger proof of the truth of what is claimed for St. Jacobs Oil could be furnished than this, and it will undoubtedly carry great weight with all thoughtful and intelligent people.

The Etiquette of Autograph Huntiug. Senator Evarts has[given a law of etiquette to autograph hunters. He says: If stamped and addressed envelopes and a card are inclosed it is a rule that the request shall be heeded—from patriotic motives —because it gives the Government two cents in postage. If one is obliged to go to the trouble of writing both autograph and address, to furnish envelope, card, and stamp, it is not customary for such requests to be accompanied merely by an inolosure of loose stamps. A poet of my acquaintance once told me that his autograph requests supplied him with stamps for all correspondence. Autograph seekers probably found that loose stamps were appropriated without compunction, for they have ohanged the custom. Ido not receive a great many such requests now. They come in great numbers after making an important speech.

Directions for Dining.

Doctor —For dinner take forty minutes. Timid Patient—Would it be dangerous to add a piece, of meat and some vegetables? -Jewish Messenger. Indicate diseases, as nervous debility and premature weakness, however in luced, radioally cured. Send 10 cents in stamp i for treatise. World’s Dispensary Medical Association, 663 Main street, Buffalo, N. Y. If you wish to keep your horse fat don’t allow any man to get a lien on him.—Carl iPrtizcl’t iVtttay.

No Defense Required.

Some of the country negroes are very ignorant of the law, in proof of which we submit the following: A gigantic negro, who had crippled up half the police force in their efforts to secure him, was brought from the jail to the office of the Justice for trial. Not observing that the accused had any counsel emploved, the Justice asked : “Don’t you want a lawver to defend you?” The accused glared at the Justice and, pounding on the table, roared out: “I don’t need anybody to defend me. I kin defend myself against a dozen sich lookin’ men as you is. If you don’t believe me, come out in the back yard and see if you ain’t de man what needs ter be defended.” Texas Siftings.

A Black List

of diseases follows an unhealthy condition of the liver, oue of the most Important organs of the t ody. Impure blood, bronchitis, asthma, malarial diseases, consumption, sickheadache, diseases of the skin, kidneys, and heart—all may be traced to faulty action or torpidity of the liver. No other known preparation so rapidly and thoroughly restores a disordered liver as Dr. Pierces “Golden Medical Discovery. ’’ It is pleasant to the taste, mild but sure in its action, and a gift to suffering humanity from one of the most successful physicians of the age.

A 0 jnnbcticut youth of 22 has just married a widow of 73. He evidently wanted a Wife who knew how to cook. —rhiladelphia Call. “Man's work's from sun to snn; Woman's work is never done.” Work is a necessity to all; but, upon how many, women especially, does it fall with the burden of the “last straw," and this, because their peculiarly delicate constitutions are so liable to functional derangement. We cannot lessen yonr toil, ladies, but we can make it easier for you, by making you stronger and better able to do it. Dr. Pierce’s “Favorite Prescription” will relieve you of nervous and other weaknesses, and all the many ills peculiar to your sex. A capita/, crime—well, kissing is about as good as any of them, if we admit that kissing is a crime.— Somerville Journal.

Important.

When you visit or leave New York Olty, save Baggage Expressage and and stop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot: coo elegant rooms fitted up at u cost of one million dollars, reduced to $1 an l upwards per day. European plan. Elevator, Restaurant supplied with tho best. Horse cabs, stage, and elevated railroad to all depots. Families can live better for less money at the Grand Union than at any flrst-c-lass hotel In the city. A book criticism: “This book Is printed ou wretched paper. What a pity to waste paper In that way.”—-Uo stem Beacon. Oi'nll our ltnowletlge, only a liith has come to us through our senses. Nearly all that we know we accept on the testimony of others. If those who have never tried that unrivaled vegetable preparation, I)it. Walker’s California Vinegar Bitters, and are suffering from dyspepsia, bilious, or other fevers, or any disorder of the skin, k dneys, or liver, or from impure blood, will receive tho testimony of the thousands who have tried the Bitters, and been curod, they will be actiug wisely. Mormons ought to be good ejUlors— they have so much inaffy-timc experience.— 1 exan Siftings.

VERY IMPORTANT

A Cold in the head causes much d's comfort and annoyance and if of frequent recurrence often produces serious results. The membrane of the nasal passage becomes inflamed and stopped up, an acrid and poisonous virus is formed, sores form in the head, deafness, headache, and roaring in the ears ensue and the sufferer finally discovers that he has Catarrh. This loathsome disease is by many considered incurable, but never fails to yield to the power of Ely’s Cream Balm. This is an artiole of undoubted merit, not a liquid nor a snuff but a pleasant, cleanly and elKcacious remedy which a child can use. It is applied into the nostrils where it is absorbed, it opens the passages, allays inflammation, hoals all sores, cleanses and soothes the membranal linings and restores the senses of taste and smell. It gives instant relief; and a thorough treatment will certainly cure. Price 50c. at druggists or by mail. Ely Bros., Druggists, Owego, N. X.

“Put up” at the Gault House.

The business man or tourist will find firstr class accommodations at the low price of $2 and $2.50 at the Gault House, Chicago, corner Clinton and Madison streets. This far-famed hotel is located in the center of the city, only on© block from the Union Depot. Elevator; all appointments first-class. Hour & Gates. Proprietors.

Good for Man and Beast! Head This!

Army and Navy Liniment will cure your rheumatism, neuralgia, or croup in less time than any other Liniment known. For sale by all druggists. [See advt. next issue.] Old Jsfoldiers will find The Chicago Ledger one of the most interesting papers for their wives and children to be found in the country. It is well filled with Original Stories, Humor and other entertaining matter, among which will be found “Army Reminiscences,” contributed by members of both armies of the late war. Subscribe for it and make your fireside cheerful. Only $1.50 per year. Sample copy two cents. Fob dyspepsia, indigestion, depression o: sprits, and general debility in their various forms; also, as a prevcntiveagain6t fever and ague, and other intermittent fevors, the “Ferro-Phosphorated Elixir of Ca isaya,’ made by Caswell, Hazard A Co., of New Vork. and sold by all druggists, is the best tonic: and for patients recovering from fever or other sickness it has no equal “A tliloplioroN sells well, and it is perfectly reliable. I take pleasure in re com mending it to my patrons, iteither bonetitor cures in overy case.” 8. M. Irwin, a lead lng druggist of Decatur, 111., gives as hit> experience. The U. S. Government are using large numbers of 'J he Improved Howe Scales. Bordon, Seileck & Co., Agents, Chicago, 111. Straighten your old toots and shoes with Lyon’s Heel Stiffeners, and wear them again.

A CM W 9 Yon r Newsdealer for THE CHICAGO A 1% LEDGER, the Best Stoby Papeb U VJLMm In th- country. Ricd it FREE Wri'e for free pamphlet. Address THE SEED DRILL REGULATOR CO. LKMOKT. CENTRE 00.. PA. PATENTS- Hand-Book /REE. ■PI■ bn I K. S. AA. F. LACK V, Potent A*t*Ts. Washington. D. O. DO YOU USE STOVE REPAIRS ? Having a stock of Repairs for over is.ooo different Stoves, can we not make it to yonr advantage to t-ade with oh? Promptshipment*»nd aotisfaciion guaranteed. THE W.C. METZNER BTOVE REPAIR CO., 125 ft 127 Weat Randolph Street, Chicago. Catalogue sent free.

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Did you Suppose Mustang Liniment only good for horses? It is for inflammation of all flesh.

4 /hops\ MAIT BITTERS. XX XS THE Blood Purifier § Health Restorer. It never falls to do its work in cases of Mala* rla, Biliousness, Constipation. Headache, loss of Appetite and sleep, Nervous Debility, Neuralgia, and all Female Complaints. Hops A Malt Bitters is a Vegeta bis Compound. It is a Medicine not a Barroom Drink. It differs as widely as does d» v and night from the thousand-and-one Mixtures of vile whisky flavored with aromatics. Hops A Malt Bitters Is recommended by Physicians, Ministers and N nrses as being the Best Family Medicine ever compounded. Any woman or child can take it. “From my knowledge of its ingredients, under no circumstances can it injure any one using U. It contains no mineral or other deleterious substance. Possessing real merits, the remedy is deserving success. ,r 0. E. DxPoy, Ph. G-, Detroit, Mich. Tho only Genuine are manufactured by the HOPS A MALT BITTERS CO., Detroit, Mich. Lady Agents! ttfAIITCn F° r the brst-solllug publication in the WAN ICII United States. It Is well established, and pays a very liberal salary, with s chance for competing (or several Premiums worth from S9S to 9100. For full particulars address P. 0. BOX 467, CHICAGO, ILL. purgative" and tonic, parties TIN- w *Ol,l she blood, strengthens the ' liver and Kidneys, and will AmA restore health, however lost. Vinegar Bitters is the best remedy discovered, for promoting digestion, coring T&gS&lSssrijfcjSsfii headache and Increasing the Vital powers. Send for med-Alhimi-IIMLFmi ical book, free. - K. B. McDonald Drug Co., 683 WMhlDfton St, R. V So Worsts oonld express the tjony I endured from Rheumatism, and It was all I could do to endure it. Crippled, not able to walk or sleep, I took two-thirds of a bottle of ATHLO* PHORQS and in a few daye waa well.” T K.xtatiiold, 886 11th Avooue, Milwaukee, Wie. Athlophoros Is the only real cure for Rheumatism ever discovered. Ask your drug* gist for Athlophoros. If you cannot get It of him do not trr something else, but order at once from u«. Wo will load ft expreta paid on receipt of prloe, SI,OO P®r bottle. ATHLOPHOROS 00., 112 Wall St, New York. M. W. DUNHAM Wayne, Bu Page 00., Illinois, HAS IMPORTED FROM FRANOE Percheron Horae* valued at $3,500,000, Which Include* about 70 PER CENT OF ALL HORSES Whoae purity of blood is eatablUhed by pedigrees toEVER IMPORTED TO AMERIOA. aSTOGKONMND: mported Brood laret Recognising the prin- * accepted by *ll lutein. breeders thr.t, how--1 bred animals may be s . .. , jimji w De,u ihf ir iiodiirrtes are not recorded, they should bo valued only *g grades I will ‘'nported stock * t grade prices when/'cannot furnish with tho animal sold, pedigree veil tied by tho original French cert ideate of’ Its number and recordln the I ercheron stud Book of France. 100-page Illuetr“V‘de‘ free. Wayne, Ills.,Vbs miles west of Chicago, on the Chicago & North-Western RyT mm 500.000 ACRES CHOICE m HARDWOOD FARMING llandS CO N6IN for Bale on easy ' terms to Actual Settlors. The most prosperous and promising Held for settlement in tbe U. A Full Information with good map froe. Address LAVS COBMIkSIDIEK, Wl.copiln Ctstrsl K. L, Bllwssket, Wis. | ASTHMA CURED I BGerman Asthma Cure never/adatqgivefm-B ■ mediate relie/in the worst cases,insures Comfort- B ■ able sleep; effects cures where all others fail. A ■ ■ trial convinces the nwet skeptical. Price AOc. and B DROPSY TREATED FREE.

DR. H. H. GREEN, A Specialist for Eleven Years Past, Haa treated Dropsy and its complications with the most wonderful success; uses vegetable remedies.entirely harmless. Remove* all symptoms of dropsy in eight to twenty day*. Cures patients pronounced hopeless by the beat of physicians. from the first dose the symptoms rapidly disappear, and in ten daya at least two-thirds of all symptoms are removed. Borne may cry humbug without knowing anything about It. Remember, it does not cost you anything to realize the merits of my treatment for In ten days the difficulty of breathing U relieved, th* pulse regular, the urinary organs made to discharge their full duty, sleep is restored, the swelling all or nearly gone, the strength Increased, and appetite made good. I am constantly curing cases of long standing, esses that have been Upped a number of times, and the patient declared unuble to live a week. Send for 10 days’ treatment; directions and term* free. Give full history of case. Name sex, how long afflicted, how badly swollen and where, is bowel* costive, h .ve lo?s bur*ted and dripped water. Bend for free pamphlet, containing testimonials, aneaticn*, Ten days’ treatment furnished free by mail. Epilepsy fits positively eu ed. If order trial, send 7 cents in stamp* to pay postage. H. H. GREEN, M.D., 55 Jones Avenue, Atlanta, Ga. 89- Mention this pa- er. C.N.P. No, 39—88~~ WHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS, v v please Buy you saw the advertisement In this paper. A Clear Skin is only a part of beauty* but it is a part Every lady may have it; at least, what looks like it. Magnolia Balm both freshens and beautifies.