Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 September 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

An epitaph for a boatman: Life is oar. — Budget. The favorite tool of the printer is the adze. — Pittsburgh Chronicle. A sliver in the bush is worth two in the hand.— Whitehall Times. In India it costs more to get married than to die. Nature is full of wise provisions.—Philadelphia Call. When a man sees double, it is evidence that his glasses are too strong for him.— Boston Transcript. Gather wisdom by open ears and eyes, and let thy mouth be an exemplar of the early closing movement.—Barbers' Gazette. Dr. Waeren’s theory explains the anxiety of some people to reach the pole. Who can blame man for wanting to get back to Eden?— St. Paul Herald. Paris hackmen complain that some of their passengers are rude to them. Poor things! Let them come over to this country and revenge themselves.— Texas Siftings. One man may call another a liar with perfect freedom in Kentucky,*but it will prevent litigation over his estate if he will make his will before he does it.— Merchant Traveler.

Foe twenty cents you can obtain liquid materials for a tremendous spree in Japan, Louisville papers who don’t want their city depleted will not copy. —Philadelphia Call. A Bridgeport man had a “revelation” that the Lord wanted him to work for 50 cents a day less than he was receiving. His request was granted by his thoughtful employer, who is looking for more “strikes” of the same sort. — Hartford Post. THE boarder’s MORNING SOLILOQUY. How swift the hours of sleep glide by! I hear the sparrows chinning; The mackerel peddler’s screeching cry Proclaims that day’s beginning. Once more to dress I mus. begin. The sun shines out in splendor, And I h ar the thud ot the ro ling-pin That makes the beefsteak tender. —Boston Courier. When Philip of Macedon wrote to the Spartan ephors: “If I enter Laconia I will level Lacedtemon to the ground,” he received for answer the small but significant word, “If.” Telegraph rates between Macedon and Lacedaemon must have been unusually high. —Louisville Courier-Journal. “What did your husband think of the play last night?” asked Mrs. Yeast of her neighbor, Mrs. Crimsonbeak, the other morning. “Oh, he thought it was very dry.” “Did he say so?” “No, he didn’t say so, but he went out between the acts.” “Well, that’s proof enough, certainly.”— Yonkers Statesman.

A correspondent wants to know whyboys whistle and why men do not. Boys whistle out of inherent perversity or something of that sort; but a man soon ruins his whistle, and that is the end of it. He drowns it by too much wetting. And this is the one good thing which can be said of the tippling habit. —Poston Transcript. In consideration of the fact that the new baby of the J apanese Minister has been named after President Cleveland, a correspondent sends us the following wish for his welfare : Ah, tootsy-wootsy little Jap, Now lying on your mammy’s lap! Delightful bit of black-and-tan. When home you go across the sea. Let’s hop? that you may live to be The Grover Cleveland of Japan. —Boston Globe. A Western paper tells of a young woman in Idaho who “whipped four lions. ” Such a young woman doesn’t need a “big brother” to protect her, and it is safe to wager that her father’s front gate doesn't need repairing once a year. A man doesn’t want a wife that can whip four lions—unless he can. whip about twenty-four.— Norristown Herald.