Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 September 1885 — Page 7

A Wayside Idyllic.

High in the zenith gleamed the golden orb of day with a brazen stare that palsied energy and kept the pores busy. It was hot From the posied north came no bracing zephyr rich with the fragrance of heath and meadow to fan the brow dripping with the symbol of Adam’s curse. The fly-besmitten cattle had waded into the frog pond, and stood knee deep in green water lashing their steaming sides with heavy tails in despairing languor, lazily chewing their cuds in abject hopelessness. It was a devilish warm day. The earth was as parched and dry as the throat of a tramp at sunrise, and the only cloud visible was a foggy mist of dust that overhung and crept slowly along behind a solitary horseman, who was gradually passing from view with about as much celerity as bad luck leaving a poor man’s family. The heat was oppressive. The man on horseback was in his shirt sleeves and only wone one suspender and a billygoat beard of saddish bleached appearance. There was nothing dudesque in the mien of the man, though there was one point of resemblance not glaringly apparent to the casual observer. He had been half-witted from birth, but having served a term in the legislature the misfortune had ceased to attract attention. His manner was simple and very sweaty, for the day was sultry. The steed he bestrode arched not its neck with the proud impatience of the charger who scents the battle from afar off, but the sway in its back made ample amends for lack of contour further forward. It was bulky of limb, thick in wind, unfortunate in vision, and far from hasty in disposition. It was a horse that any woman could drive in safety, if she had strength to apply the whip with sufficient vigor to keep the animal awake and in motion. In short, it was a horse of great reliability and most exasperating deliberation of movement. The man himself was very full-breasted in the back, and had but little of the fashion plate look about him. His face was seamed with wrinkles and also seemed wrinkled. Perhaps it was. He wore a straw hat and blue cotton pantaloons tucked tightly into boots of cowhide that needed halt-soling; but he was himself a shoemaker by trade and it mattered not. His eyes were smaller than peaches and larger than cherries. Of course we mean common-sized market cherries of the wormy order, ox-hearts being ruled out of this deal. They were of no particular color, and yet were far from white, though he was a A'hite man himself, or passed for one among people not overly particular about such matters. His hair was long and bushy, and would have floated in the breeze, but for one thing. There wasn’t any breeze. It is more than probable that he had ears of some description, but if he had them with him they were not discernible to a person of limited vision, on account of being concealed somewhere beneath his massive ringlets. Some folks would have said, under his hair, but ringlets seem to jingle nicer, and we go right smart on the jingle of everything except money. It was a day of exceeding great warmth, and our hero—for such he may as well be considered, unless somebody bolder and better-looking should turn up and claim the position —found plenty of employment for his hands in mopping his honest brow with a handkerchief of silken pattern and cotton texture. It was a large bandana that had been used for about everything that a handkerchief could be used for, except strangling a baby and straining milk, from carrying eggs to market and bringing home groceries, to tying a colt and holding up a sore leg. But who is the bold buccaneer, and whither goes he on a day of such fiery fervidness, at such reckless indifference of speed that the day after tomorrow is chasing him ? He is old Bill Jarvis, the mail-carrier, taking his own time to get to the settlement, in spite of the fact that Aunt Polly Barkins is burning with impatience to get hold of a letter from her old man, containing two dollars in greasy money and a recipe for drying squash that will give it the taste of pumpkin and keep ten years without turning pale.— Chicago Ledger.

A Performing Owl.

A prominent Clinch County physician has an owl that roams about loose at his house, and is a terror to cats and mice. Not only is he useful for this, but he is a rare bird, the doctor having taught his owlship some rare tricks. J'or instance, he will take the owl and* whirl him around and about his hands, and will then put him upon the floor or table upon his back, side, or any other position he may see proper, telling the owl to sleep, and he will remain perfectly quiet. The Doctor can then tell the owl to dream a bad dream and awake frightened, when, after about thirty minutes, the bird will jump up from the table, apparently in a great fright, popping his bill, and showing other signs of alarm. Savannah News.

Too Particular.

A male sparrow discovered a piece of bright-colored calico lying on the grass. At his summons a dozen hen sparrows approached and he was about to divide the prize among them, when a dispute arose as to whether the colors were fast or not. The calico was carried to the frog pond for the purpose of deciding the question, but before the washing could be completed a rag-picker appeared and the birds were left minus the calico and with the doubt unsolved. —New York Sun. Maud (an aristocratic child) —“How pretty and clever you are, mother I I’m so glad you married into our family!”

What Sporting Men Rely On.

When Louis R. Redmond, the South Carolina moonshiner, cornered, after for eight years eluding the Government officials, was asked to surrender, he exclaimed: “Never, to men who fire at my back! ” Before he was taken, five bullets had rone clear through him, but strange to relate, he got well in the hands of a rude backwoods nurse. By the way, if Garfield had been in the hands of a backwoods nurse he might have lived. A heap of volunteer testimony against the infallibility of the physicians has been accumulating of late, and people are encouraged to do their own doctoring more and more. It is cheaper and quite as certain. Before Detective Curtin, of Buffalo, caught Tom Ballard he “ covered ” him with his revolver. Tom saw the point and tumbled! Joe Goss was “covered” a few weeks ago and he tumbled, and so did Dan Mace. Death “fetched ’em” with that dreaded weaponkidney disease. But they should have been lively and drawn first. They could easily have disarmed the monster had they covered him with that dead shot—Warner’s safe cure, which, drawn promptly, always takes the prey. It is doubtless true that sporting men dread this enemy more than any mishap of their profession, and presumably this explains why they as a rule are so partial to that celebrated “dead shot.” Redmond was right. No man should surrender when attacked in the back. He should “draw,” face about, and proceed to the defense, for such attacks, so common among all classes, will fetch a man every time unless “covered” by that wonderfully successful “dead shot.”— Sportsman’ s Nsws.

Epitaphs.

When with characteristic cynicism Byron derided the credulity of him who would “Believe a woman or an epitaph” he may have had in mind Ben Jonson’s famous lines on the Countess of Pembroke : “Underneath this sable hearse Lies the subject of all verse, • Sydney’s sister—Pembroke’s mother! Death ere thou hast slain another Fair, and learned, and good as she, Time shall throw a dart at thee!” Could the memory of Shakspeare demand loftier strains? Compare the above with the quaintness and simplicity of the lines: “Blest be the man who spares these stones, And curst be he who moves my bones," Inscribed on the tomb of the Bard of Avon. Strict adherence to mere matter of fact has scarcely been considered the special attribute of an epitaph—though the three following are well-authenti-cated examples of unvarnished detail: “Sarah Yorke this life did resign, Sixteen hundred and seventy-nine." —AbruncA. “Here lies the body of William Wix, One thousand seven hundred and sixty-six.” —Richmond, Yorkshire. “Here lies the body of honest Tom Page, Who died in the thirty-third year of his age." —Norwich Cathedral. And in the same connection may be instanced the inscription on the tomb of the inn-keeper, buried in the churchyard opposite his hostelry: “Here lies Tommy Day, Removed from over the tray.” Latin was long considered the only appropriate language for an epitaph. It is well known that Dr. Johnson refused “to disgrace the walls of Westminster Abbey” with an English inscription to the memory of Oliver Goldsmith. This is the more to be deplored, since the Doctor could (and did) write English epitaphs of meritwitness that upon Phillips, the musician— “ Sleep undisturbed within this peaceful shrine, Till angels wake thee witn a note like thine.” Brevity, “the soul of wit,” has been little considered in this class of composition, and (“O, rare Ben Jonson” excepted) there occur to the writer but three as remarkable in this particular —that upon Dr. Fuller—- “ Fuller’s earth.” Upon Burbage, the actor, a simple stage direction: “Exit Burbage." And the happy combination of eulogium and farewell to the memory of Knight, the publisher—- “ Good Knight!” Successive generations have pressed into this service such time-honored effusions as “Afflictions sore long time I bore,” etc. And the really beautiful lines by Dr. Doune upon a deceased infant—- “ Ere sin could blight, or sorrow fade, Death came with friendly care; The opening bud to heaven conveyed, And bade it blossom there,” have appeared upon hundreds-of tombs. The touching subject of infant mortality finds also fitting expression in the two following: “Just with her lips the cup of life she pressed, Found the taste bitter—and declined the rest.’> “This babe entombed on the world did peep. Disliked it —closed its eyes—and fell asleep.”

A Loaded Bug.

A very extraordinary occurrence took place recently at the residence of one of our prominent citizens. The family were sitting in the parlor in the evening, when a bug was seen crawling on the table. One of those present seized the insect and placed it in the lamp, with the view of cremating it. A loud report was instantly heard, and the lamp chimney was blown to atoms. The explosion was certainly connected with the insect, but in what manner we leave it to the scientist to explain.— San Diego Sun.

Victor Hugo was a great lover of children and was continually made to feel their watchful care. The adoration of the young became one of his ruling passions. Jules Claretie, the novelist, relates: “One day he said to me, ‘Do you know how I define paradise ? A place where parents will always be young and children little.’ ” He was passionately fond of his grandchildren, Georges and Jeanne, and one of his greatest joys was when he had a number of staid political friends in his parlor, or a work to finish, to come in with a doll hanging out of his coat-tail pocket, and to walk about with Georges and Jeanne trotting behind him, their eyes riveted on the plaything, until slowly and softly they relieved grandpa of his burden.

The Home of Mr. Blaine.

Washington, D. C. —The son of Senator Frye, of Maine, who has been suffering from a severe cold, which setled on his chest, was cured by a few doses of Red Star Cough Cure. He publicly indorses it as prompt, pleasant, and safe. Dr. Cox calls it the best remedy. It contains no opiates or poisons.

Chinese Woman’s Tresses.

Joe James, whose other name was left behind him in the Flowery Kingdom, rejoices in the possession of the only almond-eyed wife this side of the Mississippi. He is as proud of her as is a boy of a new red wagon. When a reporter of the press saluted the slanteyed beauty in the store last evening she sat upon a tea chest, coyly displaying the tips of her tiny feet, for she is a “little-foot” woman her husband says. She wore her hair in wonderful style—like the wings of a bat, making her hair resemble a schooner yacht running before the wind, with foresail and mainsail spread to port and starboard. The black tresses were stiffened with wires and glossy with grease. It takes six hours to do up this wonderful headdress, gnd in order that the dizzy affair shall not be spoiled, the fair owner sleeps with a block of wood under her neck. In this way the dressing of the hair lasts three weeks.— Philadelphia Press.

The Present Generation

Lives at telegraphic speed—eats too fast, retires too late, does not rise betimes, smokes, and (alas, that we should have to say it!) chews too much tobacco. The consequences are dyspepsia, a general absence of that robust and manly vigor which characterized our ancestors, and a manifest proneness to early decay. Regular hours, a due allowance of time for meals, the disuse of excessive smoking, and altogether of chewing tobacco, in connection with a course of Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters, will in nine cases out of ten efface consequences of the abuses of the laws of health Indicated above. A want of stamina, dyspepsia, nervousness, and biliousness are among these consequences, and they are bodily ills to the removal of which the Bitters is specially adapted. Nor is the Bitters lesi fitted to overcome and prevent fever and ague, kidney and bladder troubles, and rheumatic ailments. It is also a fine appetizer and promoter of convalescence.

The Philippine Islander and His Hat.

Felt and woolen hats are exported in large quantities from Germany to the Philippine Isles. The hat is the great article of adornment worn by the natives—“nobody is anybody without it”—but it must be of European origin. The home-made cane hats are relegated to homely wits and slender purses. Especial value is placed on a brightcolored silk lining, with a ticket nicely printed in gold. Indeed, when the hat is new the Manila dandy carries it in his hand, so that people may admire the external splendor.— Halter and Furnisher. A physician residing in Los Angeles, Cal., claims that the death rate among children there is proportionately very small. And this he attributes to the climate, which renders possible an out-of-door life almost every day of the year, and fruit at all times.—Dr. Foote's Health Monthly.

What “Old Fritz” Said.

It was an aphorism of Frederick the Great’s that “ Facts are divine things.” An undisputed fact is that Dr. Pierce’s “Golden Medical Discovery ” is the most powerful liver vitalizer extant, and by its characteristic anq searching action will cure dyspepsia, const! pation, dropsy, kidney disease, sick-head-ache, and other maladies which, popular opinion to the contrary notwithstanding, are directly traceable to a diseased condition of the liver, by which its work as purifier of the blood is made incomplete. All druggists. How to raise mustaches—stir up the ashbarrel on a windy day and the mussed-ashes are sure to come out. — Texas Siftings.

Important.

When yon visit or leave New York City, save Baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire, and stop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot: 600 elegant rooms fitted up at a cost of one million dollars, reduced to $1 and upwards per day. European plan. Elevator, Restaurant supplied with the best. Horse cabs, stage, and elevated railroad to all depots. Families can live better for less money at ths Grand Union than at any first-class hotel In the city. No matter how fond a man may be of gambling, when he loses his money it Is a sort of ante-dole. Gently l>oes It.—Without pain or irritation Dr. Walker’s Vinegar Bitters relieve the constipated bowels; at the same time so thoroughly toning these inner membranes and restoring their mechanical action, that it seems as if they had been actually reorganized on an improved plan! Yet the result is solely due to an effort of nature, reenforced, regulated, and sustained by the purest and best Vegetable alterative and tonic that ever passed the lips of the sick and suffering. ’Tis a poor dress that won’t turn both ways.—Carl Pretzel.

HAY FEVER.

Ely’s Cream Balm was recommended to me by my druggist as a preventive to Hay Fever. Have been using it as directed since the Sth of August, and have found it a specific for that much dreaded and loathsome disease. For ten years or more 1 have been a great su lerer each year, from August 9tn till frost, and have tried many alleged remedies for its cure, but Ely’s Cream Balm is the only preventive I have ever found. Hay Fever sufferers ouzht to know of its efficacy. FRANK B. AINSWORTH, Of F. B. AINSWORTH &CO., Publishers, Indianapolis, Ind. I have been afflicted with Hay Fever for seven years—Ely’s Cream Balm cured me entirely. H. D. CALLIHAN, Baggage Master, I. & St. L. B. IL, Terre Haute, Ind. Pure Cod-Liver Oil, made from selected livers on the seashore, by Caswell, Hazari & Co., New York, it is absolutely pure and sweet. Patients who have Once taken it prefer it to all others. Physicians have decided It superior to any of the other oils in market.

“Put up” at the Gault House.

The business man or tourist will And firstclass accommodations at the low price of $2 and 82.50 per day at the Gault House, Chicago, corner Clinton and Madison streets. This far-famed hotel is located in the center of the city, only one block from the Union Depot. Elevator; all appointments first-claM. Hoyt & Gates. Proprietors. Chapped Hands, Face, Pimples and rough Skin, cured by using Juniper Tar Soap, made by Caswell, Hazard & Co., New York.

“Oh! But I Salivated Him!”

was the actual exclamation of an honest physician, spoken of one of his patients to whom he had given calomel for the cure of biliousness and a diseased liver. And he had salivated him for certain, from which he never recovered. All these distressing consequences are avoided by the use of Dr. Pierce’s “Pleasant Purgative Pellets,” a purely vegetable remedy that will not salivate, but produce the most pleasing effect, invigorate the liver, cure headache, dyspepsia, biliousness, constipation, and piles. By druggists. How to deaden the sound of a piano in the next house—explode dynamite under the player. The worst cases cured by Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy. A spring bonnet springs right off to church.—Pretzel’s Weekly. Good for Man and Beast! Read This! Army and Navy Liniment will cure your rheumatism, neuralgia, or croup in less time than any other Liniment known. For sate by all druggists. [See advt. next issue.]

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