Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 July 1885 — Page 7

He Knew Bill Gimps.

“Do you know the prisoner at the bar?" • “Him?” “Yes; answer up prompt’ “That feller there?" “Certainly. Do von know him ?” “Him?" “Yes, to be sure. Why don’t you answer ?” “Why, pshaw, Judge. Him an’ me married gals out of the same family—sisters, you might say.” “Well, do vou know him?” “Him?” ’ “Can’t you understand plain English ? Do you know this man?” “That’n?” “Of course, you blockhead. Do you know him?” “Know him?* Why, bless your old heart, Judge, he’s got a pup now that I give him more’n five year ago, an’ you never see such a dog in all your born days as that’n turned out to be. Why, pshaw, Judge; you couldn’t find nothin’ like him with hide an’ hair in seven counties; but the way I come to git him was just one of the funniest blamed things you ever heerd tell of. You see the way of it was this—uh?” “Hold on! Stop right there! We don’t want any dog stories just now. Do you know him ?” “Who?” “Why, this man.” “Uh ? Why, I ’lowed you meant the dog. Well, if I’d knowed the pup half as well as I did him you can bet your socks he wouldn’t a never got him, Judge; that s what he wouldn’t. Why, dog-gone it all, Judge, that dog was half pinter, an—-uh?” “Stop this sawing around and answer the question, or you’ll be committed.” “Uh?” “I say you’ll be committed for contempt. ” “For what ?” “For contempt.” “ What’s that ?” “Will you answer the question?” “Yes.” “Well, then, why don’t you do it?” “Do what?” “Answer the question.’* “What question?” “The one I asked vou.” “Which’n?” “Do you know the man ?” “What man?” “The prisoner at the bar.” “I wonder now if you mean Bill Gimps?” “Certainly. Do you know him?” “Didn’t I say we both married into the same family ?” “Yes; but do—you—know—him?” “Well, now, see here, Judge. Don’t you ’low I’d be like to know my own brother-in-law ?” “Will you answer the question?” “What question?” “Do you know Bill Gimps?” “Didn’t I say I give him a pup five year ago.” “Yes; but do you know him?” “Well, now, see here, Judge; I claim to be free born an’ about half white, an’ do you s’pose I wouldn’t have any more sense thun to fool away a dog on a man I didn’t know? No, sir-ee; I never get so blamed Hush with dogs as to waste’em like that. Know him? Of course I do; better’n Ido the size of my own feet or my ole woman’s voice, and I could ’v told you so long ago, if you’d only ast me. Know him at the bar? Why, blast it all, Judge, that’s where I fust got acquainted with him, by his standin’ treat, an’ I never knowed a man, Judge, that was more certain to turn jack right where it was needed in a game of seven-up thun him. You can go your pile on him for that every time, and never get left. Yes, sir ; I’d know Bill Gimps anywhere; even in meetin’, though I don’t s’pose I could ever make out how he got there. Know him? Yes-<sir-ee-bob. I know him as well as Ido when dinner time comes. Is that strong enough, Judge; or do you want me to projuce his note to show how much more I know him? I can do it if sieh is law.” “That will do.” “Uh?” “You may step down.” “Down where ?” “Down stairs, you blockhead.”—Chicago Ledger. , .

He Took His Last Drop.

I hear you have bought a lot and are going to build a house. Is that so ?” asked Sanderson as Murphy came into the grocery. “Yes, I’m tired of paying rent, I’m going to have a home of my own. How much are cabbages worth now?” replied Murphy. “Eights cents; who’s going to build it?” “I thought I’d like Wells to build it, but he drinks go like a fish a man can’t depend on him.” “But he’s quit drinking.” “Is that so?” “Yes, took his last drop.” “ Well, I’m glad to hear that.” “Yes, he dropped from a scaffold and broke his neck. Yes, he’s quit drinking.”—Brooklyn Times. Mu. Fred R. Marvin, in writing of the rights of animals, after describing the terrible slaughter of birds to supply the demands of fashion, says: “It.is sinful intentionally to deprive an animal of life without sufficient and suitable reasbn. It is a great mystery, this animal world, by which we are surrounded and of which we are a part. For anything we know to the contrary, the beasts of the field, the birds of the air and the fishes of the se t have within them a deathless principle answering to the soul in man. Lamartine reverently epitomizes the great mystery in two lines: ‘My dog! the difference between thee and me Knows only our Creator.’” —Dr. Foote’s Health Monthly.

Everybody’s Air-Brake.

“Yes, sah,” said Uncle Zach, “Tse watched it forty years an’ it’a as I sez: De fust of May an’ Chrismas day of de same year allers comes on de same week day.” Further conversation proved Uncle Zach a most incredulous perron. Chancing to mention Dr. Carver’s feat of breaking glass balls with a rifle, he said: ‘‘l heerd 'bout dat shootin* and knowed right off it wasn't squar’; dat was a Yankee trick, boss, sbo’s you born.” “What was the trick?” “Darwuz loadstone put into de glass balls, an’ likewise onto de bullets; so when de bullet fly outen the guu, it an’ the ball jes drawed tergedder, which, in course, broke de glass—dat’s the trick I” Later, Uncle Zach observed a rope running along the side of the car. “Boss, what’s datJine fur?” “To apply the air-brake in case of accident.” Then we had further to expain now the force of the brake was obtained, to which Uncle Zach responded: “Look a here, boss, you sholy don’t ’spect me to b’lieve dat foolishness? Why, de biggest harricane whatever blowed couldn’t stop dis train, runin’ forty mile a hour. An’ you think I gwine to b’leive a little pipe lull of wind under de kyars can do it? No, sahree!” There are a great many Uncle Zachs who Judge everything simply by appearances. The air-brake does not seem to be a very powerful thing, but power and efficiency are not necessarily equivalent to bigness and pretense. Philip Beers, Esq., who resides at the United States Hotel, New York City, and is engaged in raising subscriptions for the New York World Bartholdi pedestal fund, was once upbraided by a distinguished relative who was a physician, for commending in such enthusiastic terms, a remedy that cured him of Bright’s disease eight years ago. He said: “Sir, has the medical profession, with all its power and experience of thousands of years, anything that can cure this terrible disorder? ’ No, no. that is true; there is no mistake about it but that Warner's safe cure fs really a wonderfully effective preparation. That remedy is an “air-brake” that every man can apply, and this fact explains why it has saved so many hundreds of thousands of lives.— Copyrighted. Used by permission of American Rural Home.

The Two Socialists.

A Tramp who had stolen a ten-dollar bill from a Farm House was so Vigorously Pursued by the Victim that he was Finally Overhauled. “Ah! you Thief!” shouted the Farmer, “but you Deserve a year in Prison!” “Thief! lam no Thief. ” “But you stole my money!” “I also Deny that. I only took what Belonged to me. As a Socialist you Preach that there should be an Equal Division of Wealth. As a Soc alist I divided your Pile and took only my Half. Moral—The Farmer Socialist let the Fellow go, of course—only‘he didn’t.— Detroit Free Press.

“Mothers Should Note, This.”

Under this caption an'old physician writes to a Cincinnati medical journal, that in view of the fact that people living at a distance from cities are frequently obliged to resort to cough mixtures already put up for use, they should provide themselves with only such remedies as are known to be free from opiates, and narcotics; thus avoiding not only danger but fatal results. He recommends the recently discovered Red Star Cough Cure which analyses and tests by various Boards of Health proved to be purely vegetable as well as prompt, effective, and entirely harmless.

A Mean Insinuation.

“You have not put down where you came from,” remarked an Austin hotel clerk to a newly arrived stranger, who had registered himself and wife. “That’s so, and I don’t propose to put down where we came from,” replied the stranger, who was on his bridal tour. “What is the reason you don’t register the name of the place you live at?” asked the clerk. “Because, if I put down that we are from Chicago, everybody will think that we are not married.” The clerk smiled incredulously, and dropped the subject.— Texas Siftings.

A Necessity of Health.

It fa a prime necessity of health that the action of the bowels should be kept regular. But the way to overcome a temporary fit of constipation, or to remedy chronic costiveness, is not to deluge the stomach and drench the bowels with purgatives of violent or painful action. The happy medium between an inoperative and violent cathartic is Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters, which acts just sufficiently upon the bowels to relax them without pain, and which being a wholesome tonic, as well as aperient, has the effect of strengthening both them and the stomach, and promoting the well-being ot the whole internal economy. The removal of bile from the blood, increased activity of the liver, usually dormant in cases ot costiveness, and sound digestion follow the use of this beneficent medicine, as thorough and genial in its effects as it is safe and pure in composition. Rheumatism, fever and ague, kidney troubles, and debility are also remedied by it

The Force of Habit.

“I’ll never go out with Charley Briggs again as long as I live, the insulting, mean thing. That’s just what he is,” sputtered a Lee avenue girl, as she rushed into the house. “Why, how did he insult you?” queried her brother. “I’ll punch his measly head for him.” “Oh, he asked me into the drug store to have soda, and when we got it he blew over the top of his glass and said, ‘Here’s the hair all off your head.’ The idea!” “Force of habit,” muttered the brother, as he turned on his heel and smiled.— Brooklyn Times.

The Poor Little Ones.

We often see children with red eruptions on face and hands, rough, scaly skin, and often sores on the head. These things indicate a depraved condition of the blood, in the growing period children have need of pure biood by which to build up strong and healthy bodies. If Dr. Pierce’s “Golden Medical Discovery’’ is given, the blood is purged of its bad elements, and the child’s development will be healthy, and as it should be. Scrofulous affections, rickets, feversores, hip-joint disease, or other grave maladies and suffering are sure to result from neglect and lack of proper attention to such cases. . Telegraph mcEsengerc never make baste to get rich. Mild, soothing, and healing is Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy.

A Lovely Complexion.

“What a lovely complexion!” we often bear persons say. “I wonder what she does for it." ” In every case the purity and real loveliness of the complexion depends upon the blood. Those who have sallow, blotchy faces may make their skin smooth and healthy by taking enough of Dr. Pierce’s “Golden Medical Discovery” to drive out the humors lurking in the system. Special taxes are levied upon bachelors in France, and they pay it cheerfully; nary a kick.

Important.

When you visit or leave New York Oity, save Baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire, and stop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot: 600 elegant rooms fitted up at a cost of one million dollars, reduced to $1 and upwards per day. European plan." Elevator, Restaurant supplied with the best Horse cabs, stage, and elevated railroad to all depots. Families can live better for less money at the Grand Union than at any first-class hotel in the city. When is a ledger not a ledger? Ledg-ypr know some other time.

Interesting to Travelers.

It will be interesting, to people contemplating a trip to the South to learn of the vast improvements in time and accommodations that.have been rendered possible by the recent completion of a remarkably long bridge over the Ohio River at Henderson, Ky., a point ten miles below Evansville, Ind. The length of the bridge proper is 3,686 feet, the span over the channel of the river is 525 feet, the longest span of truss bridge in the world. The bridge is reached by three and one-half miles of solid substantial trestle-work on the Indiana side. With this bridge completed, there is an unbroken rail line between Chicago and Nashville, Chattanooga, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Florida, and other Southeastern cities over the shortest existing route, which fact was immediately taken advantage of by the Chicago and Eastern Illinois Railroad iDanville Route) and its Southern connections, to put on a fast train from Chicago to Nashville, and give to the North and South travel some of the luxuries in fast traveling and excellent accommodations which heretofore have been almost wholly monopolized by the East and West lines. The first through train, which left Chicago at 3:45 Sunday afternoon, July 19, on the new Chicago and Nashville fast line, arrived in Nashville at 7:45 oh Monday morniug, having accomplished the distance between the two cities in the hitherto unprecedented time of sixteen hours. The new train was the first through passenger train from Chicago to cross the mammoth bridge over the Ohio at Henderson, and as such marks an epoch in Southern traffic whose importance was t stifled by the interest shown nil along the lino. This train carries the popular Palace Buffet Sleeping Cars; it leaves Chicago at 3:45 p. m. daily, and arrives at Nashville at 7:45 a. m., connecting with the morning trains out of Nashville in all directions, enabling passengers to reach Chattanooga in the early afternoon; Atlanta and Montgomery early. in the evening, and other Southern and Southeastern points in some instances one-half day ahead of, and in from three to ten hours’ less time than by any other line. Travelers should make a note of this important route, and when going South remember the Chicago and Eastern Illinois.

We Caution All Against Them.

Ths unprecedented success and merit of Ely’s Cream l alm—a real cure for catarrh, hay fever, and cold in the head—has induced many adventurers to place catarrh medicines bearing some resemblance in appearance, style, or name upon the market, in oraer to trade upon the reputation of Ely’s Cream Balm. Many in your immediate locality will testify in highest commendation of it. Don’t be deceived. Bpy only Ely’s Cream Halm. A particlb is applied into each nostril; no pain; agreeable to use. Price fifty cents; of druggists.

“Put up” at the Gault House.

The business man or tourist will find firstclass accommodations at the low price of $2 and $2.50 per day at the Gault House, Chicago, corner Clinton and Madison streets. This far-famed hotel is located in the center of the city, only one block from the Union Depot. Elevator; all appointments first-class.

HOTY & GATED,

liny l'’ever. — 1 have been a great sufferer i'rom Hay Fever for fifteen years. I read of the many wondrous cures by Ely’s Cream Balm, and thought I would try once more. In fifteen minutes after one application I was wonderfully helped. Two weeks ago I commenced using it, and now I feel entirely cured. It is the greatest discovery ever known or heard of.—Duhamel Clark, Farmer, Lee, Mass. Price fifty cents. Pure Cod-Liver Oil, made from, selected livers on the seashore, by Caswell, Hazard & Co., New York. It is absolutely pure and sweet. Patients who have Once taken it prefer it to all others. Physicians have decided It superior to any of the other oils in market. The Akron Sewer *Pipe is the best in the world. See advertisement in this paper. Chapped Hands, Face, Pimples and rough Skin, cured byusihg Juniper Tar Soap, made by Caswell, Hazard & Co., New York.

1 can recommend E 1^ 8 (j AT AR R ver sufferers, it being, in my opinion, founded on ex- BaKrirjf. |alMy perience and a sure cure. I was afflicted with Hay- B y IN I Fever for twenty-five years, M ,_n uEADI and never before found BiKrryf Iff A permanent relief.—Websteb 11. Haskins, Marsh- Wwi z field, Vt. fT / CREAM BALM has gained an enviable rep- 1 utation wherever known, X/' 0 U.SA. I displacing all other prepariitions. A particle is ap- || • If plied into each nostril; no Hfl Y "rr V I K pain; agreeable to use. imi I k ■ hull Price 50c .by maiJl or-at. druggist, flend for circular. ELY BROTHERS, Drugfiriwta. Owego. N. Y. Write tor free pamphlet. Address THE SEED DRILL REGULATOR CO., LEMONT, CENTRE CO., PA. PATENTS Hand-Book FREE. ■fl I kIY I K. 8. &A. P. LACEY, Patent Att’ys, Washington, D. C Aecnts Wanted for Life and Deeds of ftEN’L GRANT VX By COLONEL VJI E. A. li Villi. It contains a full history of his noble and event’ul life. Introduction written by Grant’s Pastor, Rev Dr Newman. Col. Burr’s work is indorsed by Grant’s most mtimate friends. Send for extra terms to agents. Address National Publishing Co., CHICAGO, 111 eR. U.AWARETHAT Lorillard’s Climax Plug bearing a red tin Rose Leaf fine cut; that Lorillard’s Navy Clippings, and that Lorillard’s Snuffs, are the best and cheapest, quality considered ?

FOR Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago, Backache, Headache, Toothache, Boro Throat,Bwellingi«.Sprain*.Etruiaeo, Burna, Scalds. Frost Bitea, AND ALL OTHER BODILY FAINS AND ACHES, Sold by Drugglßta and Dealers everywhere. Fifty Cents a bottle. Direction* in 11 Languages. THE CHARLES A. VOGELER CO. A. VOC.KI.ER a cn.> R.Hlmor.. C. B. A. MALT BITTERS. IT IS TECH Blood Purifier $ Health Restorer. It never fails to do its work in cases of Malaria, Biliousness, Constipation, Head* ache, loss of Appetite and Sleep, Nervous Debility, Neuralgia, and all Female Complaints. Hops & Malt. Bitters is a Vegetable Compound. It is a Medicine not a Barroom Drink. It differs as widely as does day and night from the thousand-and-one Mixtures of vile whisky flavored with aromatics. . Hops & Malt Bitters is recommended by Physicians, Ministers and N urses as being the Best Family Medicine ever compounded. Any woman or child can take it. “From my knowledge of its ingredients, under no circumstances can it injure anyone using it. It contains no mineral or other deleterious substance. Possessing real merits, the remedy is deserving success.” C. E. DePuy, Ph. G., Detroit, Mich. The only Genuine are manufactured by the HOPS S MALT BITTERS CO., Detroit, Mich. FROM THE ALBANY, N.Y./'JOURNAL.” It is said “A prophet is not without honor, save in his own country.” The many expressions ot gratitude received by Dr. DAVID KENNEDY from persons in his own vicinity who have received great and lasting benefit from his “FAVORITE REMEDY” prqyes that the above does not prove infallible. We learn that more of this medicine is sold in this city than of any other similar preparation. We readily recognize the truth of this statement, and now call to mind many of our prominent citizens who have been cured of various complaints by this medicine, and of whose cases we have made mention in this paper irom time to time. The “FAVORITE REMEDY" Is used to a great extent in Charitable and Reform Institutions, where the Inmates suffer so frequently from Kidney and Liver Complaints, also disorders arising from an Impure state of the blood. Mrs. M. L. Dare, Matron of the House ot Shelter, Albany, N,Y„ informs us that tills medicine is used in that institution with excellent results, and that she has used it personally for Indigestion aud Biliousness with great satisfaction. Mrs. Dare is so well and favorably known in connection with the above institution that we could not cite more excellent authority. The Sisters of the Good Shepherd, Detroit, Mich., willingly add their testimony to the efficacy ot the “FAVORITE REMEDY” in cases that have come under their personal observation. To the thousands who have used Dr. KENNEDY’S “FAVORITE REMEDY" it is unnecessary to say a word in its praise. To those, however, who have never used it, it is perfectly safe to commend the medicine as one of the very best proprietary articles now before the public. Dr. DAVID KENNEDY, the proprietor, in one of the most prominent and highly respected residents of Rondout, where the “FAVORITE REMEDY” is manufactured. Dr KENNEDY has for many yea r s been known as a reputable practicing physician of high standing, and the claims which he makes in favor of his medicine re, therefore, entitled to consideration. “FAVORITE REMEDY” lias gained a widespread reputation, and the fact that its sale increases yearly is evidence that it meets with popular lavor. AHIIISS Morphine Habit Cured in IO Hr lUNI to No pay till cured. wBIVIIt Db. J. Stephens, Lebanon. Ohio. ATin 1 IT fl The most beautiful and finest toned lIK I 1 A Alx ln the world. Low prices, easy nay--1111 IT H 1111 menl. Send for catalogue. Address UJLIU IIIIU Weaver Organ It Piano Co„York,Pa. “iSSTuDYIWs permanent jfrr'iAU employment and good salary tJWSfh selling Queen City Skirt and Stocking Supporters. Sample Vpwpw tr outfit free. Address Cincinnati V Suspender Co., Cincinnati. O. VOID CIOUIN’X’XSBi’XSITrf-i! Send us 25 cents and we will send you by return mail a box of the genuine Dr. C. McLane’s Celebrated Liver Pills and eight handsome cards. Over fifty million boxes have been used by the people of the U. S. What better certificate could they have? FLEMING BROS., Pittsburgh, Pa, NEW ENGLAND CONSERVATORY OF MUSICI Boston, Muhs.,OLDEST in America; Largest and Best Equipped in the WORLD— IOO Instructors, 1971 Students last year. Thorough Tnstigiction in Vocal and Instrumental Music, Piano and Organ Tuning, Fine Arts, Oratory. Literature, French, German, and Italian Languages, English Branches, Gymnastics, etc. Tuition, <5 to S2O; board and room, *45 to *75 per term. Fall term begins September 10. 1885. For Illustrated Calendar, giving full information, address E. TOURJEE. Dir.. Franklin Sq„ BOSTON. Muss, Black Hawk lEMGIHES.I Threshers Corn Shelters and Road Graders. Made especially for North Western Trade. Send for prices, circulars, Ac. H. A. PITTS’ SO NS MFC. CO., Marsel’les, La Halle Co., 111. Send to the undersigned for it, as also for Drain Tile, Cement, Fire Clay, Ground Brick, Chimney Tops, Chnpney Flue Linings, Plaster, Fire Sand, etc. N. A. WILLIAMS, ■■■ A ■ I Brick HAGAN’S Magnolia Balm I is a secret aid to beauty. Many a lady owes her freshness to it, who would rather not tell, cant tell.

Proprietors.

DO NOT FORGET Perry Davis’Pain Killer i’ 111 I is* * Hi! HP o Sl3 IIM JIH Tit s b>S g a* ft ft g - £ iH IB 1 Ws| g K Moi Price, 25 eta., 50 cts. and SI.OO per Bottle. SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS. UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME. Pwl wMi * oitlm (Main Building.) The Eighty-third Session will openlTuesday.’Sept. Stli. Full Courses In Classics, Law, Sciences, Mathematics, and tv» usic. A thorough COMMERCIAL COURSE is one of the distinguishing features of the institution. Special advantages are offered to Students ot the Law Course. St. Edwanl’s Hall, for boys under 18, is unique in design and in the completeness of its equipments. Catalogues, giving full particulars-wil) lie sent free on application to Rev. t. E. Walsh, C. S. C., President, Notre Dame, Indiana. St,'MARTfiF ACADEMY (One .oils Wett from Notre Diuu. University.) The 62d Academic term will open Monday, Sept "th. The Academic Course is thorough in the Preparatory, Senior and Classical Grades. Music Department, on the plan of the best Conservatories of Europe, Is under charge of a complete corps of teachers. It comprises a large Music Hall and 28 separate rooms for instruments. Studio modeled on the great Art Schools of Europe. Drawing and Painting from life and the antique. Phonography and Typo-Writing taught. Building equipped with Fire Escape; ample accommodations tor 250 pupils. For fun particulars apply for catalogue to Mother Superior St. Mary’s, Notre Damn I*. 0., Nt. Joseph Co., Indiana. ERRADIIY Taught and Situations. | ElXUlWirn I FurnishedTClßCULAiwriiKK. I VALENTINE BBQS., Janesville, Wls, mediate relief in the worst cases,insures comfortable Bleep; effects cures where all others sass. A trial eonvineet the moil ekepUeat. Price oOc.and FRAZER AXLE GREASE. Best In the World, Get the genuine. Bw»ery package has our Trade-mark and is marked Fraaer>s. SOLD RVERYWHJJHE. BULLETIN BOARD | Hamilton’s Pat, Display Chart, g Every Merchant VYanfs One. Hl AGENTS WANTED. Send for cir- | MA culars and prices. TO HAMILTON & KATZ, TWO RIVERS, WIS. C.N.U, No. 31-85 WHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS, please say you saw the advertisement hi tliiN vavrr. FOR Man and Beast. Mustang Liniment is older than most men, and used more and more every year.