Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 July 1885 — My Watch. [ARTICLE]

My Watch.

■When I was unmarried and could do as I pleased I never carried a watch. I never could understand the value of a watch except as an article that might be hypothecated in a pecuniary emer-. gency. I could always ascertain time, because every church and room boasted a clock, and w\,ak was the use of purchasing what <;Quld be had for nothing? By my system of eon-jultiisg these public time-pieces, I al.ways managed to make my connections right. I never entered a theater a [tor the curtain had’ risen, er reached 4 rhe station a* the moment when the train was vanishing. I was made happy in more ways than one by no t having a wafreh. I -didn’t have to tell fifty people the hour every day, and I ®ever worried about the safety of the contents of my vestpockets in a crowded horse-oar. One night I was awakened rather suddenly. I felt a strange Shand under my pillow. It was a burglar’s, feeling for my watch. “fl have no watch,” I remarked, as politely as I could; “but you’ll find a dellar brass clock in the kitchen, if you want to know the time.” In his groat hurry he passed'theough the window, and I shuddered as J. heard him trickling down through the arbor below. But after marriage it was different. I was told that I should wear ft watch, in order not to appear poverty-stricken in the eyes of the world. I argued that it would place me on a par with weasel-headed clerks whose bangs and eyebrows meet. T was told that if I wore no watch every one would think I had one drawing interest for an avuncular relative.

This seemed to be a very»3ubtle argument in favor of having a watch. And, besides, it completely upset me. I imagined on the same basis people would fancy I had all sorts of things in pawn that I dida t wear, such as a sealskin overcoat, d amond rings, etc. As a tentative measure, I got what I call to this day a “patent-medicine watch,” because I bought it in a drug stone. It was an advertising scheme to attract people to tho patent medicine. I should much prefer to swallow the contents of a drug store than carry one of those watches a week. It had "to be wc*and up every night, and took nearly all night to wind it. ■ It didn’t keep very good time, but I continued to wear it, that 1 might windiit lor exercise. It superseded my diimb-bulls until the stem wore the skin o:f my thumb and forefinger. When buried in profound meditation, it was nay custom to take the watch out and wind it in an abstracted manner, just as others in a similar mood pick their teeth or whittle. I stated at . home that I merely purchased the patent-medicine watch to learn how to take care of and manipulate one before getting a more expensive speeimen. This bit of great satisfaction. I was looked upon as a goodnatured, self-sacrificing being, who weuld soon wear a long watch-chain sketching all the way across the chest, and emptying into ;two pockets; As a reward I was presented with a watch. The first day I .wore it I was told I was wrong bv a man who had just set his watch at some jeweler’s. So I changed mine to make it agree with hk. It seems it lost time, and I missed my train that night, a thing I had never done -when I did -not possess a timepiece. Every few minutes I was asked the hour, to get me accustomed to pulling it cut, and inside of a week I had acquired an artistic negligence and indiffeuence of manner ,that was pronounced beanitiful.

But the watch became eccentric. The eggs that were timed two minutes by it oame out as hard as cobble-stones, and. trying to regulate it by tapping it against my boot-heel, I thoroughly disorganized it, and was obliged to leave it for a week with a jeweler, who lent me* in its stead, a great silver machine thaiil was ashamed t® take out of my pocket in daylight. In slioit, when I got it back I did nothing but miss trains. It was never right, lit was either too fast or too slow. Sometimes I wenld start for the cars .thinking I had ample time, and reach the station after their departure, or else I.would start oa a run and half kill , myself to get there in time, only to ascertain that I had arrived half an hour fcco soon. It would take too much ink to tell liow many-eorrows and tribulations that watch brought upon me. I protested against wearing it many a time, but my protests were in vain. Finally, I concluded that I.would allow myself to be martyred,soil still carry it,,but not for use. I wind it up about once a month, and never look at it. I go by the clocks I see around me, as liflid before, and catch trains and make all other time connections right. I don’t like to say anything harsh of it, because it is a nice watch, and it would be simply if it could only keep the right ttime. — Puck.