Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 July 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

It is often the man that is right who is left.— Texas Siftings. Thb rooster has the most eg-otism, but the hen has the most eggs.— Texas Siftings. It's a poor rule that a sehoolma’am cannot work in different directions. — Drake?B Magazine. We contracted a cold last week, but it has spread all over us again.—Burlington Free Press. It’s bad to be out of pocket, but it’s all up with you when you’re entirely out of breath.— Barbers’ Gazette. Why is the Admiral of the American navy like an appurtenance of a hotel? Because he is a Porter? Life may not be worth the keeping, but it is worth the giving up when there is a policy for SIOO,OOO on it.— Merchant Traveler. “There isn’t much family likeness in our family.” said Johnny Dumpsey, “and.what there is is mostly for pie. ” Burlington Free Press. That ladies easily learn to play the violin is not surprising when their experience in handling beaux is taken into consideration.— Exchange. A Boston millionaire left his wife her weight in gold annually. The celerity with which she threw her bottle of anti-fat out of the window challenged admiration.— St. Paul Herald. “Are you of German extraction?” asked a young lady of a gentleman whom she met the other evening at a party. “Well, no; not exactly,” replied he, “but I have a cousin who plays on the German flute.”— Carl Pretzel's Weekly. Daniel Webster called tobacco “the great catholicon which inspires immovable courage.” Dan’l bad evidently finished smoking a “two-fer,” and was en route for the tobacconist’s, with a club, when he gave this definition.— Merchant Traveler. sally’s wonder. Gayly the bicycler Glides o’er the tar, Like a demi-god olden Astride of a star. His girl at the casement sits Watching his prauks. While Sally the cook, cries, “Mys Look at them shanks!” Washington Hatchet. • Woman, God bless her bright eyes, can make roses blossom in the desert, and when so minded she can give to the most commonplace affairs of life rather much of a rainbow look, but to save her eyebrows she can’t use a pen without getting ink on her fingers any more than she can remember the day of the month.— Chicago Ledger. “Come here to me, you good-for-nothing thing,” exclaimed a pious farmer, addressing his son. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself, going fishing on Sunday.” “I didn tgo fishing, pap. I only went down the lane to throw rocks at them boys.” “Oh, well, that’s all right, then. Recollect, my son, you must never violate the Sabbath.”— Arkansaw Traveler.

THE REVISED VERSION. A monkey and » parrot once Left in a room together Beaan to light, and fought so hard They near.y killed each other. Their mistress coming home perceived Their wrongs they had been riuh insr, And said to them, “I'm deeply grieved To think that you’ve been lighting." The monkey really felt quite bad In thinking of his crime; The parrot, gleeful, said, “We’ve had A sheol of a time!” —Bouton Cdurier. “And so you admire his teeth, Laura?" “Yes; I certainly do think he has the most beautiful teeth I ever saw. It’s wrong to be envious, I know, but I never seen him smile but what I think I’d give a hundred dollars if I could have his teeth.” “Why, you poor silly girl, that would be the same as throwid& money away.” “Why so, dear?” “Because he only paid ten dollars for them when they were brand-new.”— Chicago Ledger.