Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 July 1885 — Page 7

My Watch.

■When I was unmarried and could do as I pleased I never carried a watch. I never could understand the value of a watch except as an article that might be hypothecated in a pecuniary emer-. gency. I could always ascertain time, because every church and room boasted a clock, and w\,ak was the use of purchasing what <;Quld be had for nothing? By my system of eon-jultiisg these public time-pieces, I al.ways managed to make my connections right. I never entered a theater a [tor the curtain had’ risen, er reached 4 rhe station a* the moment when the train was vanishing. I was made happy in more ways than one by no t having a wafreh. I -didn’t have to tell fifty people the hour every day, and I ®ever worried about the safety of the contents of my vestpockets in a crowded horse-oar. One night I was awakened rather suddenly. I felt a strange Shand under my pillow. It was a burglar’s, feeling for my watch. “fl have no watch,” I remarked, as politely as I could; “but you’ll find a dellar brass clock in the kitchen, if you want to know the time.” In his groat hurry he passed'theough the window, and I shuddered as J. heard him trickling down through the arbor below. But after marriage it was different. I was told that I should wear ft watch, in order not to appear poverty-stricken in the eyes of the world. I argued that it would place me on a par with weasel-headed clerks whose bangs and eyebrows meet. T was told that if I wore no watch every one would think I had one drawing interest for an avuncular relative.

This seemed to be a very»3ubtle argument in favor of having a watch. And, besides, it completely upset me. I imagined on the same basis people would fancy I had all sorts of things in pawn that I dida t wear, such as a sealskin overcoat, d amond rings, etc. As a tentative measure, I got what I call to this day a “patent-medicine watch,” because I bought it in a drug stone. It was an advertising scheme to attract people to tho patent medicine. I should much prefer to swallow the contents of a drug store than carry one of those watches a week. It had "to be wc*and up every night, and took nearly all night to wind it. ■ It didn’t keep very good time, but I continued to wear it, that 1 might windiit lor exercise. It superseded my diimb-bulls until the stem wore the skin o:f my thumb and forefinger. When buried in profound meditation, it was nay custom to take the watch out and wind it in an abstracted manner, just as others in a similar mood pick their teeth or whittle. I stated at . home that I merely purchased the patent-medicine watch to learn how to take care of and manipulate one before getting a more expensive speeimen. This bit of great satisfaction. I was looked upon as a goodnatured, self-sacrificing being, who weuld soon wear a long watch-chain sketching all the way across the chest, and emptying into ;two pockets; As a reward I was presented with a watch. The first day I .wore it I was told I was wrong bv a man who had just set his watch at some jeweler’s. So I changed mine to make it agree with hk. It seems it lost time, and I missed my train that night, a thing I had never done -when I did -not possess a timepiece. Every few minutes I was asked the hour, to get me accustomed to pulling it cut, and inside of a week I had acquired an artistic negligence and indiffeuence of manner ,that was pronounced beanitiful.

But the watch became eccentric. The eggs that were timed two minutes by it oame out as hard as cobble-stones, and. trying to regulate it by tapping it against my boot-heel, I thoroughly disorganized it, and was obliged to leave it for a week with a jeweler, who lent me* in its stead, a great silver machine thaiil was ashamed t® take out of my pocket in daylight. In slioit, when I got it back I did nothing but miss trains. It was never right, lit was either too fast or too slow. Sometimes I wenld start for the cars .thinking I had ample time, and reach the station after their departure, or else I.would start oa a run and half kill , myself to get there in time, only to ascertain that I had arrived half an hour fcco soon. It would take too much ink to tell liow many-eorrows and tribulations that watch brought upon me. I protested against wearing it many a time, but my protests were in vain. Finally, I concluded that I.would allow myself to be martyred,soil still carry it,,but not for use. I wind it up about once a month, and never look at it. I go by the clocks I see around me, as liflid before, and catch trains and make all other time connections right. I don’t like to say anything harsh of it, because it is a nice watch, and it would be simply if it could only keep the right ttime. — Puck.

The Electricity of Rain.

'The suggestion haring been made that the ignition of petroleum tanks may sometimes be caused by sparks from the rain of thunder clouds, some interesting results obtained with an old piece of apparatus hare been called to mind. In these experiments an electrometer showed that the drops of occasional showers are almost always more or less charged with electricity, and that At is only totally absent during foggy, moist days, and long storms. The strongest charges were obtained during thunder-storms; but the air even has given indications occasionally of an electric charge without any fall of rain.

“Grossest Man in Alabama.”

crossest man In Alabama lives dar," the driver as we approached a wayside °° ke, near Selaaa, Ala., to ask accommodaT vona for the night. At supper, and after It, “mine host” scowled at every one, found fault with everythin* earthly, and I was Wondering 9 he would not growl if the heavenly didn’t lit him, when incidental mention being made of the comet of 18Si, he said: “I didn't like Its form; its tail should have been fan shaped:’’ But, next morning, he appeared half-of-fended at our offering pay for his hospitality! My companion, however, made him acceptors a present a sample from his case of goods. Six weeks later, I drew up at the earns horse. The planter stepped lithely from the porch, and greeted me cordially. I could scarcely believe that this eiear-oorn-plexioned, bright eyed, animated fellow, and the morose leing of a few weeks back, were the same. He inquired after my comp mion •of the former visit, and regretted he was not with me. “Yes,” said his wife; “we ore both much indebted to him.” “How'/” 1 asked, in surprise. “For this wonderful change in my husband. Your friend when leaving banded him a bottle of Warner’s safe cure. He took it, and two other bottles, and now ” “And now,” he broke in, “from an ill-feeling, growling old bear, 1 am healthy and so cheerful my wife declares she has fallen in love with me again!” It has made over again a thousand love matches, and keeps sweet tfcetfcempers of the family circ e everywhere.— Copyrighted. Used, by permission o/ American Rural Home.

The Vision and Hearing of Fish.

But little has been written on the development of vision and hearing in fish, and that little has been theory rather than deduction from actuaL experiment. My own experiments as to the effects that sound produces on trout (and I assume that all fishes are more ©r less alike in this respect) have been confined to .'this: Frequently, when iable to observe a trout while myself unseen, I have;screamed and shout-' eel at the top of my voice. These demonstrations 'have invariably been without the slightest effect; but when varied by a concussion which would communicate itself to the water this has mo longer been the case, and evidence cf alarm, or at least that the concussion was felt, has been apparent. In an English work, the name of which I in vain endeavor to recall, an account of same very interesting and more decisive experiments are given. The writer caused a building to be erected over the water, and made his observation through small apertures constructed for the purpose, so that he was quite concealed. His trout were well accustomed to the wiles of the angler and timid. Sending a man out of sight behind the building, the firing of a gun by him produced not the slightest effect on the trout, who rose freely during the experiment to flies blown toward them through a tube. I am, therefore, convinced that no sound is injurious which does not communicate fits vibration to the water. But concussion upon the side or bottom of a boat, or jumping from rock to rock, ©r .blows upon the hard bottom with the wading-staff or with shoes, I think are so invaded through and by the water as to be in some measure perceptible to the fish and alarm them. That fish possess the sense of hearing their anatomical structure goes tfarito prove, while that they are not insensible to sounds produced in the air must be admitted, unless the doubter is prepared to call in question the ammerous accounts by alleged eye-wit-nesses of their coming to be fed at the sound of a bell, etc. This I, for one, hesitate to -do, notwithstanding I have mever been able to make a spund in the sir which seemed to produce the slightest effect on trout in water, to which fill my exper ments have been confined. Jt may, however, well be that ithe sound was perceived, while the fish were so habituated to the roar of the waterfall and similar noises, without any ill consequences ensuing, that sound alone was not regarded by them aemn indication of danger. —Fly Hods mid Fly Tackle, 11. P. Wells.

Brought Home in a Wagon.

Louisville,; Ky.—Mr. J. Helmus, Vice Plresidentof the. City Brewery, was brought home in a wagou, carried up stiffs by two off his men and laid on the bed. He was suffering with-a severe attack of rheumatism contracted ian the ice vaults of the brewery. He. refused to have a doctor, but dispatched .a servant for a bottle of St. Jacobs Oil, with (he result that in one week he was entirely cured and able to return to his .desk.

Equal to the Occasion.

Amew>story is told about the wellknown lawyer and wit, Joseph H. Choate. He was sitting in his law office, when a young man very well known in New York society—who is always extremely well dressed, takes great pride in his family connections, and has a pretty high opinion of himself generally—entered and introduced himself,as follows: “I am Mr. J. Van Rensselaer Jones.” “Ah!” replied Mr. Choate, “take a chair.” “Yes,’” continued the young man, bent upon pressing his importance upon the lawyer, X ‘l am—ee —the son-in-law, you know, of Gov. Smith.” “Indeed!’’ rejoined Choade; “take two chairs." —Rochester Herald.

The Coining Woman.

Some one was spanking of tihe end of the world. “Do you think it will come soon?” asked eight-year-old Elbe, eagerly. “No, I guess not,” was the reply. “Oh! I hope it won’t,” said the wee girl; “it would foe too mean if it did — before I got a chance to be married.”

Pile Tumors,

however large, speedily and painlessly cured without knife, euustic, ptwder or ointment. Consultation tree. Wrlto for pamphlet and references, inclosing two letter stamps for reply. World’s Dispensary Medical Association, Buffalo, N. Y. 1 A bot In Pittsfield, Mass., swallowed the bulb of a thermometer. He now has a mercurial temperament.

Every Meal Is a Trial

To the dyspeptic. Flatulence, heartburn, oppressive fnllnesi of the stomach, are the Inevitable sequences of his noe of the knife and fork. Tq say of him that he gratifies the cravings of appetite would be a genuine satire. He only appeases them. Is relief attainable? Certainly, and by the üßeof a pleasant as well as thorough remedy, Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. Will It cure immediately? Certainly not —it does not effect miracles. But it does give prompt and unspeakable relief, and will, if pers'sted .n, pr duce an ultimate cure. Not on y docs it impart relish to the food, but promotes its conversion by the stomach into rich, health and an;l strength-sustaining blood. Super-sensi-tiveness of the nerve?, mental depression, and un iniet slumber, produced by int rruption of the digestive functions, are also remedied by it. It is the finest preventive and curative of malarial disorders, anil relieves constipation, rhematism. kidney and bladder ailments and liver complaint.

Matrimonia.

Maud—l intend to marry a banker, when I marry, and then I'll wear a sealskin sacaue for every month in the year, and my toilets will be the admiration and envy of the feminine world. Belle—l intend to marry a plumber. Then I will not have any anxiety about the bursting of banks and other corporations. The water-pipes will have to do the bursting for my husband. And you can depend on it that my toilets will be bang up. Blanche—You’re just terribly off, girls. I intend to marry an editor. Then I won’t need any nice toilets. But you’ll see me appear in the paper next morning resplendent as Solomon in all his glory. And your poor earthly raiment will just crawl into a corner and hide its diminished head. You’re welcome to your bankers and piumbers, but I’m looking around for a nice eligible editor, and when I get him you can wager a six-button pair of gloves that I’ll make my female acquaintances just weep with envy. Maud—Oh, how awfully nice! I’m going to marry an editor, too. Belle—And so am I. —Whitehall Times.

Years Teach More than Books.

Among other valuable lessons imparted by this teacher, is the fact that, lor a veiy long time, Dr. Pietce’s “Golden Medical Discover,” has been the princa of livor correctives anl blood, puriflors, being the household physician of the poor man, and the able consulting physician to the rich putient, and praise 1 by all for its magnificent service and eifleacy in all diseases of a chronic nature, as malarial poisoning, ailment? of the respiratory and digestive systems, liver disease, and in all cases where the use of an alterative remedy is indicated. _ » Why find fauilt with the Boston girl there are specs oa the sun.

Delicaie Diseases

of either sex, however induced, promptly, thoroughly and permanently cured. Send three letter stamps for large illustrated treati e. World's Dispensary Medical Association, Buffalo, N. Y. There ds a man In Hunter’s Point so crippled wp with rheumatism that ho is tallest when be lies down. —Brooklyn Times.

Important.

When you visit or leave New York City, save Baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire, and stop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot; (100 elegant rooms fitted up at a •out of one million dollars, reduced to $1 and upwards per day. European plan. Elevator, liestaurant supplied with tho best. Horse cabs, tage, and elevated railroad to all depots. Famil.e-> can live better lor less money at the Grand nlon than at any first-class hotel in the city. How tr© snake a horse fast: Don’t feed him.

“Put up” at tile Gault House.

The business man or tourist will find firstclass accommodations at the low price of $2 and $2.50 per day at the Gault House, Chicago, .corner Clinton and Madison streets. This Tar-famed hotel is located in the center of the city, only one block from the Union .Depot. Elevator; all f.ppointments first-class. Hoyt & Gates. Proprietors. For dyspepsia, indigestion, .depression oi sp rits, ;and general debility in their vurious forms; .-also, as.apreventive against fever and ague, and other intermittent fevers, the “ Fenro-Phosphorated Elixir of Ca isaya,” made .by Caswell, Hazard & Co., of New York, and sold by all druggists, is the best tonic; an l lor patients recovering from fever or other sickness it lias no emmt. The Frazer Axle Grease is tho very best. A trial .will prove we are right.

Red Star * timid eY^^/maihc (mmlure Absolutely Free from Ophites, Emetics and Faisons. A PROMPT, SAFE, SURE CURE For Cough*.HSore Throat, Hoarseness, Influenza, Colds. Bronchitis, Croup, Whooping Couch, Asthma, 'Quinsy, Pains In Chest, sud other sifectloosaftthe Throat sod Lungs. Price BO cents* bottle. Sold by Druggists and Deal* ers. Parties tunable to induce their dealer to promptly get it for them to til receive two bottles, Expresscharget paid, by tending one dollar to TIU CHARLES A. VOGELER COHPAIf, Sole Owuers and Manufacturer*, Baltimore, MarjlaaA, C.Ai. ||CC AC CRAIIT Fastest selling book ptibLlrt Ul Qlllln I a llshed. Agents wanted. A. E. DAVIS & CO- 1(12 Washington St.. Chicago. C| FfiftADHY Taught anti Situations B LLtuliMrlll Furnished. Circulars free. I VALKNTINK IIUOS.. Janesville, Wis. flßlilll Alorphiae Hnblt Cured In 10 I BB®|S Bnfl to '*o <1 ms. No pay till cured. wBR IWITI Db. J. Stephens. Lebanon. Ohio. PATENTS Hand-Book FREE. Ift I kll I K. S. &A. P. LACEk, Patent Att’ys. Washington. D. C #R. U. AWARE Lorillard’s Climax Plug bearing a red tin tag ; that Lorillard’s Rose Leaf line cut ; that Lot-Ward's Navy Clippings, and that Lorlllard’s Snuffs, ure the best and cheapest, quality considered ? SSO REWARD will be paid for any Grain Fan of same size that can clean and hag as much Grain or Heed in one day ag our Patent MO\ AKCII Grain and ' £qed Separator - and Bagger or our Improved Warehouse Mill with Equalizer which we offer cheap. Circular and Price List mailed free. HEWARKRAWCO^

DO NOT FORGET Perry Davis’Pain Killer tilalSisO fySf ifh i |P | Price, 25 cts., 50 cts. anil WI.OO per llotlle. SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.

TERRIBLE ACCIDENT Necessitating a Surgical Operation—Loving Mother Attempts to Take Pair of Shears from Her Child. PARENTS, BE CAREFUL. Domestic accidents are common to women, and some of them are very serious. Mrs. Warner, of South Bondout, Ulster Co., N. Y., some weeks ago attempted to take from her child a pair of shears with which it was playing, A slight struggle ensued, in which the point of the shears entered Mrs. Warner’s left eye, entirely destroying the sight. Her family physician clld what he could, but intensely painful inflammation arose, which, by sympathy, threatened the loss of the other eye. Total blindness to a woman having the care of a household is an irretrievable calamity. In this strait Mrs. W— applied to the well-known and skillful Surgeon, Dr. David Kennedy, of Bondout, N. Y., who removed the Injured eye by a very successful operation, setting aside all danger of further harm to the sight of the other eye. But owing to pain and mental distress her system needed a tonic and restorative medicine. To do this work file Doctor prescribed “Kennedy’s Favorite Remedy,” which sustained Its reputation and laid a sure foundation of health. Dr. Kennedy’s “Favorite Remedy’’ removes all impurities from the blood, regulates the Liver and Kidneys, cures Constipation, und all diseases and weaknesses peculiar to Females. It is for sale by all our druggists at ONE DOLLAR a bottle.

MAIT BITTERS, If you wish to be relieved of those terrible Sick Headaches and that miserable Sour Stomach. It will, when taken according to directions, cure any ease of Sick Headache or Sour Stomach. It cleans the lining of stomach and bowels, promotes healthy action and sweet secretions. It makes pure blood and gives it free flow, thus sending nutriment to every part. It is the safest, speediest and surest Vegetable Remedy ever invented for all diseases of the stomach and liver. J. M. Moore, of Farmington. Mich., says: My suffering from Sick Headache and Sour Stomach was terrible. One bottle of Hops and Malt Bitters cured me. Do not get Hops and Halt Bitters confounded with inferior preparations of similar name. For sale by all druggists. HOPS & HALT BITTERS CO., Detroit, Mich, nl|rg .»«» OiMjl! wlOw _Wiil buy a New Upright or Square n a ott i -A- 3sr C) • I AV H Boxed and on car?. Stool and cover llnllil f 6 extra. REED'S TEMPLE OF UAimi Music, me state st., Chicago. fl I lipTlfl Treated and cured without the knife. I I H tl I, It. n Book on treatment sent free. Address UnllUmt F.L.POND.M.D., Aurora, Kane Co.. 111.

Avoid coxjjntdhfeith : Send us 25 cents und we will send you by return mail a box of the genuine Dr. C. Mr Lane's Celebrated Liver Pills and eight handsome cards. Over fifty mil - ion boxes have been used by the people of the U. S. What better certificate could they have? FLEMING BROS.. Pittsburgh. Pn. II AGENTS WANTED. Send for cir- I HAMILTON & KATZ, ip TWO RIVERS, WIS. U 0

of Infants and Children, a Reliable Remedial !S. E*. FREE Write tor free pamphlet. Address THK HEBD DRILL. REGULATOR CO.. LKMONT, CKNTIiK CO., PA. nnlll Ift N MORPHINE und CHLORAL E ■ ftj 111 IIHABiTH EASILY CURED. BI 1 II I I*IBOOK FREE. Dr. J. C. H«llUr | V ■liman. Jefferson, Wisconsin. ~ THEMAN 19 WHO MAKIJ 1/ | JR/ S Ton Wagon Scale** aRTRa Jr/ lrot L«v»r«, Bt««l Brut wMMjTWINrr Tor* B«un *ad B«am Box, lor -JfijWlßßßk. SOO and JOrNvsSJlKj' JONES be peyi the frrifkt— for fret Prlee Llel mention Ikle piper eel l U sidr.ee JONES If lIHONAMTOH, 1 ’ Binghamton. N.Y. CThe OLDEST MEDICINE In the WORLD is MU probably Dr. Isaac Thompson’s U elebrated Eye Watefl This article is a carefully prepared physician’s prescription, and has been in constant use for nearly a, century, and notwithstanding the many other preparations tint have been introduced into the market, tho sale of this article is constantly increasing. If the directions are followed it will never fail. We particularly invite the attention of physicians to its merits. John L. Thompson, Hons <* Co., TROY. N. Y laso For an ELEGANT the Best HUMOROUS and STORf

To any one who remits us 1#:5.50 by registered letter, express or postofflce money order, or hank draft, we will send by registered mall an elegant W iterbury stem-winding watch with nickel-plated chain and charm, and will mail to his address' every week for one year The Chicago I edger FREE, These watches are first-class time-keepers, seldom get out of order, and are substantially ana handsomely made. The Chicago Ledger is now In its thirteenth year and is the best story and humorous paper iu tbs country. Each Issue contains at least a page of original humorous articles, from the pen of one of the rnosi racy writer* of the present day. which feature alone is worth more than the price charged for the watch above described. If you wish to see s really handsome and decided* ly interesting paper, send a 2-cent stamp for a sample copy. You cannot fail to be plcaaed with the investment. Write the name, town, countv and Btate plainly, and address your letter to The Chicago Ledger, 271 Franklin street. Chicago, 111. C.N.U. No. 30—85 ViTHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS, I please aay you saw the advertisement, in this paper.