Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 July 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

An exchange says that sharks’* teeth have been dug from an artes an well 1,200 feet deep, near Jacksonville, Fla. They must bury keepers of winter hotels very deep in Florida.— 'lhrough Mail. “Papa, where did the dogs get their bark?” “Can’t say for sure, my son, but presume they obtained it when the druggists, following Shakspeare’s advice, threw physic to them.”— Boston Budget. We ken alius furgin er nuder pusson easier den we ken furgin ourselbes. Es I makes a mistake an’ fools roun* de wraung man it takes me er l.<ing time ter furgin mese’f fur not habin’ mo’ judgment.— Arkansaw Traveler. An exchange remarks that there is a good deal more under a boy’s hat sometimes than older people suppose. Tndeed there is, but his, mother generally finds it out when she goes prospecting with a fine-tooth comb.— Chicago Ledger. A citizen stepped into a Lftiisville drug store and picked up a small Lottie of ammonia from the show-case. After drawing two or three inhalations, he said to the proprietor: “I see you have got hold of some new goods. It seems to be the right sort of stuff; just put me up a quart bottle of it.”—The Ingleside. TO A SCANDAL-MONGER. When, obeying the doctor, you held out your tongue, You swooned when he swore ’twas alarmingly red. But, oh, how much longer those swoons would have clung Had you known it but blushed for the things it had said 1 —New York Telegram.

A Houston inebriate was reading to his wife about the English in Egypt. He remarked: “The camel can work steadily for ten days without drinking. Isn’t that strange ?” “No,” she replied, calmly; “there is nothing very strange about that; I’ve known men who could drink ten days steadily without working. ” — Texas Siftings. One of our exchanges from way back tells how the country choir spent the time during one of the parson’s long sermons. Among other things, the alto laid her head on the basso profundo’s shoulder and quietly slept for an hour. She certainly ought to have been put out, for when the minister looked up he caught her napping on first base.— Portland (Me.) Press. “Young Artist (displaying a picture) —“This painting is entitled ‘Jonah and the Whale.’” Possible Purchaser—- “ Where is Jonah?” Young Artist—- “ You notice the rather distended appearance of the whale’s stomach midway between the tail and the neck ?” Possible Purchaser—-“ Yes.” Young Artist—“ That’s Jonah.”— New York Sun.

CONFESSION. I had loved her since first we met, With a love I cared not tell; For I feared I might lose my pet, My beautiful ene; nay Belle! But I poured out ot my passion at While she listened with downcast eyes; And my throbbing heart beat fast— For 1 dreamed 1 might win my prize. The mere thought filled my soul with bliss. And, emboldened by fancied success, I pleaded for one little kiss. As a sign of the maiden’s "Yes." Then her cheeks flamed a sudden red— And I knew what her blushes meant I—"I will give you just one, dear,” she said, “Just a little ene for assent." —Somerville Journal. “Am I on the right road to the vilr lage?” demanded a traveler of an old darky who was working in a fields “Yes, sah,” said the darky. The traveler pursued his wav, but presently returned very mad. “I say,” he shouted to the old fellow, “what did you. mean by telling me that I was on the right road to the village?” “I tol’ you de truf, deed I did, boss,” replied the darky, “but yo’ tuk de wrong direkshun, sah.”— Drake’s Magazine.

An American, while on a visit to the old country, was talking to a group of cockneys about railway traveling, and remarked that some of the fast trains in this country ran long stretches at the rate of a mile a minute. “O, that’s nothing to the rate they travel on this side,” interrupted one of the Londoners. “I know the conductor of one of our fast express trains who aimed a blow with a club at a man standing at little wayside station through which the train passed, and knocked down and killed a man standing at a station seven miles further on. That’s what I call speed. * — Exch ang e.

“Do you consider him honest?’*’ “Why, bless your goggles, Judge, he’sbeen a.railroad conductor twenty yearsor more.” “That’s what I call volumea in a few words, sir. I thought he had. a roguish look. You may step aside."* “Hold on, Judge. I was going to say ” “What, sir?” “That I saw him getting a patch put osa his boot last night.” “That alters the case completely, sir. Why didn’t you say to begin with that he was an extremist, and let it go at that?” —C/ucfflgo Ledger.

Her dainty grace. Her dimpled face, They set me crazy; Her perfect form, ’Mid sealskins warm — She was a daisy! Her faithful slave, O’er her I’d rave From morn till even; Though Fate made me Sixteen when she Was thirty-seven! ’Neath passion’s sway I Urged one day That we should marry; She shook her head And smiling said: “No, thank you, Harry!” Well, let her go! I Aardly know Why I should bother, For all 'twas rough— She’s old enough To be my mother. —Somerville Journal. Henby M. Stanley, the explorer, ia in religion a devout Baptist j