Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 July 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

“Jim Smith is a cottage built man.” “What.sort of a man is that?” “The man with only one story is called a cottage built man, and Jim has only got one.”— Texas Siftings. Mrs. Ingalls says “woman is a silent power in the land.” All that is necessary to become convinced of the truth of this assertion is to attend a woman’s rights convention or a charitable fair.— Exchange. Elopements are very romantic, but there would not be so many of them if young men could see the girls they were going to fly with trying to make a beefsteak pudding. Love flies before helpless inability.— Exchange. Johnnie’s epitaph. This is little Johnnie’s mound, Sa l are his loving mates; He entered heaven up-side down; Beware the roller skates. —Macon Messenger. “But, Tommy, you really must not eat so much; you’ll make yourself sick.” “No, I won’t, mamma.” “Yes, you will, you’ve already eaten so much I expect you feel uncomfortable.” “No, I don’t, mamma; I dis feel smooth.”— Chicago Ledger. An Irishman, recently over, entered a barber-shop in Main street, Danbury, for a shave. After the barber was through he asked the customary question: “Have bay rum, sir ?” “No, sor; the fact is, sor, I’ve just had a glass of beer, an’ don’t like mixin’ drinks.”— Hartford Times. A scientist estimates that there are one hundred and twenty-eight thousand hairs on a man’s head. We take it for granted the estimate is based on the supposition that the man is unmarried, though the paper doesn’t say so.— Chicago Ledger.

“We prefer poetry of a higher range of thought than this contains,” said the editor kindly, as he returned some rejected manuscript. “Higher range of thought?” repeated the discouraged poet. “I -wrote it on the top floor of a seven-story flat. Do you expect a man to sit out on the roof and write poetry ?” The Ingleside. Some of our local Jenkinses have adopted the style of writing “society news” as follows: “I dropped into Mrs. Astor’s reception, etc.” “I looked in at Mrs. Lorillard’s ball, etc.,” “and I happened in at Mrs. Goelet’s tea, and so forth.” “I” forsooth! If they “dropped,” “looked,” or “happened” in it was to deliver ice-cream or tell the servant Mrs. Jones’ carriage was ready. —Hotel Mail.

POPPING THE QUESTION. Alonzo, wooing Emeline, Resolving to be wed, Attempts no phrases airy, fine; Betrays no nervous dread. He makes no vows of constant love; Assumes no tragic air, Invoking witnesses above To vouch tor tender care. The theory he learned long since, By which a maid is won— Biough plainly put it makes them wince— In practice thus is done: “My dear," he says in steady voice, “I’ve wealth -admire your charms — Let’s wed.” She waits no further choice. But folds him in her arms. —Exchange. Food for reflection: Mr. Societe—“l have just learned of your sister’s engagement, and congratulate her. I really wonder, though, how Jack Simmons ever got up his courage to speak to your father.” Miss Unplucked Flower: “Why so, Mr. Societe?” Mr. S.: “Why, youi father has always seemed to me so distant—a man difficult to approach.” Miss U. F. (with animation) : “Oh, not at all, Mr. Societe. Get that idea out of your mind, I beg of you, as soon as possible.”—Exchange. Mrs. Winks—What queer things statistics bring out. I see that the figures gathered by the Paris authorities show that nine-tenths of the male victims of the cholera there were unmarried men. _Mr. Winks —I am not surprised. That proves that Koch’s theory is correct. “Indeed! What is his theory ?” “That cholera germs are easily destroyed by boiling.” “Why, what has that to do with the immunity of the married men, pray ?” “They are generally kept in hot water, you know. ” —Exchange. Mrs. Parvenu had been abroad, and when she returned she had much to tell. One day a lady was talking to her. “Ah, my dear Mrs. Parvenu, did you go into Italy?” “Oh, yes,” was the reply, “we weie all over it, and saw everything.” “Did you visit the Vatican?” “Yes, we were there; but it was erupting fearful that day, throwing up lava, and smoke, and stuff, and they concluded it would not be safe to go up to the top. It was a fine spectacle from the conservatory of the hotel, and I enjoyed it quite as much as if I had been right on the spot.”— Exchange.

BREAKING THE ICE. We were skating on the river, ’Neath the trees. She and I: And my heart was all a quiver. For at last I’d dared to give her Hand a squeeze. On the sly. Side by side we flew together, Swiftly gliding O’er the ice. What cared I for wintry weather?— Light her hand as any feather, So confiding, And so nice. Then I kissed—and do you wonder? Nothing loath, Her dimpled chin— With a crack like summer thunder, Burst the brittle ice asunder, And we both Tumbled in! —Somerville Journal. A young lady the other evening kissed in the dark a young man whom she mistook for her lover. Discovering her mistake, she said, “It’s not he, but it’s nice.” “I have noticed that ladies in society are more truthful than they used to be'” “Indeed!” “Yes; at parties th6y usually make a clean breast of it. ' ; *