Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 June 1885 — She Caught a Severe Cold in Jerusalem in 1565. [ARTICLE]

She Caught a Severe Cold in Jerusalem in 1565.

On a west-bound Michigan Central train the other day were a delicate-ap-pearing young woman and an intelli-gent-looking young man, evidently husband and wife. Immediately behind this couple sat the man—to be found on every train, who would die if not permitted to hear the sound of his own voice at all times and in all places. The young lady had a troublesome cough, a fact which seemed to bother the talking machine behind her greatly. At last he leaned forward and addressed her escort: “That gal’s got a bad cough.” “Yes.” “Ever try catnip tea?” “She hasn’t drank anything else for more than two hundred years. She caught a severe cold in 1568. I had fifty barrels of catnip tea put into the baggage car for her use between here and Chicago. ” (Pause.) “Lungs?” “No, bunions. That’s purely a bunion cough you will notice, if you watch her closely. ” “Ain’t the draft a leetle strong from that window?” after a longer pause. “No, she has to .have it. It takes 15,000 pounds of air to make her a respectable breath. We have a patent breath incubator which she uses at home. It covers 17,000 acres of valuable land.” “Did you say she -was your wife ?” “No; I didn’t say anything of the sort. She’s one of these new-fashioned infernal machines that I’m taking over to England to blowup the Queen. The only trouble is that I am subject to fits, and when I get one of them I break things up terrible.” “What brings them on to you?” “Talking. Why, it was only yesterday that I killed three men, a woman, and a, pair of twins before I could be got under control. I feel very queer about the head now. I ” “I reckon I’ll go out into the smokin’ car,” said the bore, sidling out of the seat. “I don’t feel very well myself. ” “Don’t hurry away,” shouted the young man, while a general titter ran through the car. —Louisville CourierJournal.