Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 June 1885 — Woman Cannot Invent. [ARTICLE]

Woman Cannot Invent.

It seems a little singular that the records of our Patent Office contain but a slight sprinkling of names indicating the feminine gender. It looks as though all the heavy thinking was being shouldered on to us poor men, and it is high time somebody was raising a fuss about the matter, and insisting that, if woman expects to vote, she must keep up with her end of the double-tree. But whether it is on account of the brain-blistering tendency of back hair, interference with the proper circulation of the blood by tight lacing and Sunday evening courtship, hot irons and bangs, or wearing shoes smaller than the feet, we don’t know, but it looks as though there was a chance for philosophy to do a little missionary work at home, before it goes to the sky in search of steady employment. It is not because woman is not smart, or quick with ideas, for we have seen one small-sized woman talk four grown-up men into a cold perspiration, and do it easy; and it is not because man is more brainy or fertile in resources, for woman, God bless her bright eyes, can do more to gladden home with a twodollar bill in stringent times than man can do with all his muscle and philosophy. When the wolf crouches on the doorstep, with the apparent intention of becoming domesticated, it is woman, frail and feeble little body though she may be, that can be depended upon to drive him away and give the children bread, and she -don’t go out to beg it either, but gets it honestly, and pays for it with labor that may shorten her days, while her big, strong and gifted husband walks the town in disappointment and dies by his own hand in gloomy despair. Neither can it be because she is lacking in expedients, for you may limit her wardrobe ever so stintingly, and she will turn this, overhaul that, remodel the other, and trip off to church as neat as a pin. But the records at Washington show that it is that way, and we must make the best of it. It is sad, but it is true. With all her gifts and' graces woman comes up with a round turn when she faces machinery, and stands in the presence of cold, unemotional cast iron, wheels, levers, and shop-gear generally. She has no inventive faculty, and would scrub her nails off before she would pause to sit down on an inverted tub and evolve from the chaotic notions in her head a washing-machine that would save Soap and muscle, and be a solace to her sisterhood. Many of them are wearing themselves out in overtaxing their strength, when five minutes’ thought and a little gumption could be worked into a contrivance for getting a drunken man’s boots off without straining a tendon. And then think of the labor of getting a boy up in the morning. Thousands of women are so tired out with the severe exertions of that little job, that they are made nervous and fretful for the rest of the day, when a few little ropes, a pulley or two, a pair of ice tongs, aud a few brains would yank that boy into wakefulness quicker than he could stone a dog, and that, too, with no necessity for climbing stairs or leaving the dining-room. Think of the untold peaceful homes a few patents of this kind would make. Another matter needs thoughtful consideration, and that is the enormous waste of female vitality incurred in the rapid vibration of the slipper against the caboose of the aforesaid boy’s pantaloons. A very little brain work could make suitable attachments to any sewing machine to perform the duty w.th far more vigor and not the least waste of motive force. The only thing the machinery could not do would be to kiss the boy as the grapnel let go of him. But that is not exhaustive labor, and a woman can stand a power of it without breaking down. —Chicago Ledger.