Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 May 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

“Arab” is an article (of war); in the vindictive mood, (at; present (in) tents; disqualifies the iritish army, and has for its object the noun “loot.”— Life. “It is a shame for an old man like you to get 81acre-struck,” remarked the omnibus driver, as ho plaeidly relied over an octogenarian. Pittsburgh Chronicle. “I wish I were a muff,” said a disgusted poker-player. “Why so?” inquired his astonished friend. “Because I might have a chance of finding a fair hand once in a while.”— Bohemian. “How do yon pronounce s-t-i-n-g-y ?” asked the teacher of the dunce of the class. The boy replied: “It depends a good deal on whether the word refers to a person or a bee.”— Providence News. * Sunay-school Teacheb— “What is meant by the words ‘Quench not the spirit ?’ s ’ Bright Scholar—“ Please, ma’am, my father says he guesses as how it means don’t put too much water in it.” When Bangs, the rifle-shooting expert, died his widow was inconsolable. "“There was none like him,” she moaned; “he never missed fire.” “Cheer up,” said a sympathizing friend, “possibly he may be equally successful in his present abode.” The effect upon the widow was electric.— Boston Transcript. Donosto to the public gave Old storie< very badly told, v Well printed in a portly tome, And bound in ciotb and gold. And those who read his limping lines No trouble had in finding The only good about the book. For it was on the binning. —Book Lore Miss Albion (on a visit) —“So our great-grandfathers were brothers ? Indeed, I did not think you had such things over here as great-grandfathers.” Mr. Y. Doodle —“Well, you see, I was so anxious to claim relationship with you that I looked the old gentleman up.” Miss A.—“ And what did you find?” Mr. Y. D.—“l found they were green-grocers. ” Master —Well, Susan, did you mail my letter, as I told you? Faithful servant—Yes, sir; but I had it weighed first, and as it was double weight I put on another stamp. Master—Good girl; only I hope you did not put it on so as,, to obliterate the address. Faithful servant—O, no, indeed, sir; I just stuck it on top of the other stamp so as to save room. " Dear little man with the slender legs, Man with the long, iong hair, Why do you dance on your slender pegs?V Why do you rant and rare? ‘ Why do you howl and mut.er so? W hy do you clench your fist?” “ Silly chatterer, don’t you know? I am an el-o-cu-tion-ist.” —Texas tfif, nigs. Wife—“W’hat a number of ladies there was at church this morning wearing sealskin sacques. I counted no less than twenty-seven.” Husband (wflo won’t see the point)—“Do you think that is the proper way to occupy one’s mind while at church? I didn’t notice a single one.” Wise —“No one c m scarcely be expected to notice such things when one’s asleep.”— New York Sun. JUST THE SAME. Was Shiloh a surprise or was it not? H ath given rise To many a bait e fought with ink. Where printers love the beer they drink; But whether it v. as or was not so We don’t much care to say; For we know who held the real estate At the close of the second day. Is the chieftain's recollection right, Or is it a little oil? This also is a dispute with those At merit who love to scoff? But whether it is or is not so But. little difference maxes; The best judge of the baker’s dough is he who eats the cakes. —New York Bun. A df,af mendicant who was in the habit of blowing a cornet through the streets of this city, met with remarkable success one day last week. His hat was nearly filled with coin. When he repaired to his lodgings he related his experience to his comrades by the sign language, and was surprised to learn that he had not made a sound all day. His cornet was broken. We publish this item in the hope that it may do some good.— Puck. A TRAGIC TALE. “Spell it dynamitard," quoth the editor bold—“Spril it dynami-t-a-r-d.” And the proof-reader did just as he was told, And changed the s-t-y-i-e. TROUBLE BEGINS. Now the proof-reader sipped of the wine when 'twas red. And it flew to his h-e-a-d. And he followed that style in a way that waa dreadFully aggrava-t-l-n-g. THE EOKRIBLE RESULT. It was “elevatard,’’ “Street-sprinklard,” “P-r-e-a-c-h-a-r-d,” It was “enginard,” “Hack-dri yard," O, a sickening sight to s-double-e. THE PAINFUL SEQUEL. Lo, the editor smote that proof-reader sore— He smote him both hip and thigh. With his prostrate body he mopped the floor; He reduced his “form’’ to “pi. ’’ MORAL. Style is a very good thing in its way, But take good c-a r-e That you're not possessed with the i-d-e-a That a rule’s iron-e-l-a-d. —Minneapolis Tribune.

I suspect that we underrate the Mongol. The Celestial, with all his ignorance, has his share of shrewdness. When some American capitalists were endeavoring to get the consent of the Chinese Mandarins to develop the coal fields of China, their answer was, at least, not without diplomatic skill: “No, we cannot permit it. First, it will displace the center of gravity and the world will tumble over; second, if it is a good thing for you it is good for us. ” —The IngJeside. Nature so intertwines the grave with the gay that the color of the web is dark or bright according to the humor of him who handles it. Avoid an angry man for awhile.—a malicious man for ever.