Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 April 1885 — A Skillful Professor. [ARTICLE]

A Skillful Professor.

“Ah, hah!” exclaimed Prof. Mayor* huff, looking up from a book and turning to his wife. “What have you found, dear?” “Listen to this from Horace Greeley: ‘I am fully persuaded that if chopping wood were universal, rheumatism and dyspepsia would be unknown.’” “Well, what of that?” asked Mrs. Mayorhuff. “What of it? Why, I shall chop wood, that’s what there is of it. ” “Did you ever chop wood?” “Didi ever chop wood? Haven’t I been editor of the Woodman for years? Didn’t my article, ‘How to Clear up New Ground,’create a sensation? Of course it did. Jane, I swear that sometimes I believe you are blind. Did I ever chop wood, indeed! I have just ordered a cord of hard oak wood and I shall chop it myself. Aside from the healthful exercise, it will save money. I shall order an ax sent up just as soon as I go dowm town.” When the professoi returned at dinner time, he asked if the ax had come. “Yes, it’s out there on the porch.” “Well, I shall go to work at once.” “I hope so. We are needing some now’, for the weather has turned awful cold.” “Don’t fret. You shall have all the wood you want. ” The professor went out, and after laboring three hours, brought in two small sticks that looked as though they had been gnawed in two. “This enough?” “Enough, the mischief! It’s not enough to start a fire.” The professor puffed and “blowed” awhile, and then went out again. ‘ Three hours later he came in again with two more sticks. “This do?” “Of course it won’t. We’ll have snow before morning. ” “Snow!” he exclaimed, wiping his reeking brow. “Yes, snow’.” “Well, I don’t care if it falls fifty feet deep, I am not going to chop anymore to-day. Needn’t expect a man to kill himself just because we are going to have snow.” Just then a rap came at the door. “Come in,” called the professor, too tired to get up. “What have you got there ?” “Ax from the hardware store. Made a mistake before and sent you a grubbing hoe.” Mrs. Mayorhuff shouted and the professor collapsed.— Arkansaw Traveler. “What’s the news, my dear ?” asked Mrs. Smith of her husband, after ho had read his morning paper. “Oh, nothing special. I see that a Frenchman entered a newspaper office for the purpose of killing the editor, but the editor succeeded in killing his antagonist.” “Goody! goody!” exclaimed Mrs. Smith. “Served him right How did the editor kill him ? Shoot him ?” “The editor was newly married,” replied Smith, “and I guess he induced the Frenchman to eat .some of his wife's cooking.” —Newman Independent. While the ladies’ fair was in progress at Dallas, a gentleman from the country who was smoking a cheap cigar, after peering into the door for a while, said: “I would like to go in.” “You have to have two things to get in.” “What be they?” “One is a ticket, and the other is no. cigar in your mouth.”—Taras Siftings.