Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 April 1885 — Page 2

®ljc J) c 111 o cratic Sent incl ■ —» I ■ RENSSELAER, INDIANA. ... .. --- .l J. W. McEWEN, - - - Publishes

NEWS CONDENSED.

Concise Record of the Week. EASTERN. Fire destroyed the Music Hall at Buffalo, N. Y., together with St. Louis Catholic Church. The thoater building contained a valuable German library, which was entirely consumed. One man was killed. The loss is estimated at $325,000. The demise of Gen. James McQuade, at his brother’s residence in Utica, N. Y., is chronicled. John H. Eustis, a New York merchant, having been made the victim of a Chicago divorce on the testimony of two unknown men, has secured a warrant for the arrest of his former wife for perjury. The funeral of Joe Goss, the pugilist, which took place from a sporting resort in Boston, was very largely attended. John L. Sullivan sent a floral tribute rc presen* jjy the pates ajar. Another feature wn champion belt made of flowers. Gen. Grant testified that he paid in $200,C00 as a special partner in the flrm of Grant & Ward; that on May 1 last he thought himself worth $1,000,000; that he drew from the firm $3,000 per month for two years, and that everything he possessed was lost in the failure. Becky Jones, the obstinate witness in the Hammersley will case, was released from prison by order of the New York Supreme Court. New York representatives of leading rifle and cartridge manufacturers intimate very strongly that both Russia and England have placed orders in this country for arms and ammunition. There is increasing activity at the works of the manufacturers. A prize-fight in a barn in Reheboth, Mass., between Ashton and Dolan, of Providence, increased in horrors so rapidly that the spectators stopped it, for fear of fatal results. New York was visited by a disastrous fire, which resulted in the total destruction of Schumacher & Ettinger’s lithographic art establishment, involving a loss of $350,000. A corpse found in the Delaware River at Trenton, N. J., has been identified by several persons as that of B. S. Conant, the missing editor of Harper’s Weekly.

WESTERN.

Miss May Simons, of Buffalo, who was visiting friends in Chicago, was arrested at the demand of a State street shopkeeper for attempting to steal a jersey, and was locked up in a police station with two disreputable females. The mistake was speedily made apparent in the court-room. J. H. McVicker secured a permit to place two additional stories on his theater, at a cost of SIOO,OOO. John Neil, a burglar lying in Cleveland jail awaiting sentence to the penitentiary, was married to a servant who desired something to worry about. At Muncie, Ind., lata at night, Olney Scott and William Haines went to the henhouse of Bishop Scott to play a joke by making the chickens cackle. The owner of the poultry toad been forewarned, and endeavored to reciprocate good-naturedly by firing an old horse-pistol at the invaders. He blazed away into the air, and is now bowed down by grief at having killed his friend Haines. A Green Bay dispatch records the death of Mrs. Frink, widow of the first Baptist missionary in the Fox River valley. Orville Cronkhite, a veteran in the insurance business in Chicago, and General Anson Stager, formerly one of the General Superintendents of the Western Union Telegraph Company are chronicled among the recent deaths. Lake men do not expect the resumption of navigation between the upper and the lower lakes much before the Ist of June. The ice in the straits of Mackinac is over thirty feet in thickness. A fire in the cooper-shop of the Ohio Penitentiary at Columbus caused a loss of about $40,000. An inquest was held at Chicago over the remains of the Langham Hotel victims. The testimony was such that the deaths could not be attributed to criminal carelessness, and a verdict was rendered accordingly. Five oil wells have this week been •completed at Macksburg, Ohio, two of which yield 150 barrels per day. The fourth iron tank will be finished this week. Eight deaths from small-pox are said to have occurred this week among the colored people at Mound City, 111. I. S. Hyatt, one of the inventors of celluloid, formerly Sheriff of Heniy County, Illinois, recently died in Florida. The wheat acreage in the southern half of Illinois is -said not to be half what it was in 1880, and the plant has suffered seriously from frost,. Fourteen business buildings at Oakland, Ind., valued at $60,000, and the Miller block at Valparaiso, worth about the same sum, were destroyed by fire. Mrs. Sanford, Chicago, was burned to death by the fall of a hanging lamp under which she was reading. She ran out to a pool of water in the yard, leaving a trail of fire behind, and soon succumbed to her injuries. Judge Dickey "has lately sold his homestead on the bluff at Ottawa, 111., where he settled forty-six years ago, retaining the family burial-ground, containing the remains of Gen. W. K. L. Wallace. Indianapolis reports a case of blood poisoning said to have resulted from vaccination with bovine virus.

Ex-Gov. Thomas G. Fletcher, of Missouri, a prominent lawyer of St. Louie, has been missing from that city, and has friends are unable to account for his mysterious and unaccountable absence from home. Perry H. Smith, formerly Vice President of the Northwestern Road, died at his residence in Chicago, of congestion of the liver. For some years his health has been extremely poor, and a conservator was appointed for his estate. The Court House at St. Joseph, Mo., was burned, with the court records and law library. W. B. McMett, Chief of the Fire Department, received fatal injuries. The buildings cost $250,000.

SOUTHERN.

At Rock Creek, Tenn., last Sunday, John Pearce procured a license to wed Alice Penny, but the young woman refusing to have the ceremony take place on the f-’ab-batb. Pearce drew out his pistol and shot himself dead. Eight members of the “Sara Sata Assassination Society” have been indicted for murder at Pine Level, Fla. J. M. Bennett, of Union Springs, Ala., was to have been- married, but he got drunk and, fearing his betrothed would hear of it, killed himself. A troop of cavalry has been ordered to destroy the permanent improvements on the ranches of two cattle firms in Oklahoma, which is taken to mean that all unauthorized stockmen will be driven out. William D. Cushing, book-keeper for the Belmont Iron Works, at Wheeling, W. Va., was arrested for embezzling the company's funds, and after being released on ball, went home and shot himself, dying in a short time. The death sentence was imposed upon Jordon Taylor, colored, who murdered Sallie Panders, at Hopkinsville, Ky. William Neal, the third and last of the villains who murdered and burned the bodies of two girls and a boy at Ashland, Ky., was executed at Grayson in presence of 100 armed guards. As th, drop fell he protested his innocence. One of his confederates confessed and was lynched; the other was hanged at Grayson last October. Mrs. Judge P. B. Muir, a prominent society lady of Louisvi le, Ky., was burned to death by her clothes taking fire while standing near the stove. The anniversary of Ponce de Leon’s landing at St. Augustine, Fla;, In 1512, was celebrated at that place March 28. Powder smoke and coal dust caused an explosion in a coal mine at McAllister, Indian Territory, and twelve miners were taken out dead.

WASHINGTON.

It is stated that both President Cleveland and Secretary Lamar arc in favor of appointing a commission at an early date to investigate the Oklahoma question. Dispatches from Oklahoma report that there is imminent danger of a collision. A band of settlers is said to have already entered the disputed territory. Capt. Brown, of Indiana, was urged by Vice President Hendricks for Chief of the Bureau of Yards and Docks, but the President nominated-Capt. Harmon, of Pennsylvania. The United States Senate confirmed the following nominations: Samuel S. Cox, to be Minister to Turkey; Henry L. Muldrow, to be Assistant Secretary of the Interior; and William A. J. Sparks, to be Commissioner of the General Land Office. Senators at Washington have decided that it will be desirable to retrench the expenditures of the upper house. There are over 30'J persons now on the Senate rolls who draw salaries aggregating $350,000 annually. The use of the Butler mansion for committee rooms is to be discontinued. Solely upon their records, the President will appoint Col. W’illlam J. Volkmar, of Gen. Sheridan’s staff, Assistant Adjutant Genera], and Capt. George H. Burton Assistant Inspector General. A memorial was presented to President Cleveland by the Oklahoma settlers through their representatives at Washington, requesting that a commission be appointed at once to confer with the Indians as to their supposed rights in Oklahoma. The memorial embodied an eloquent appeal for justice. A Washington dispatch states exPresident Soto is organizing a revolt against Barrios in Honduras, and an alliance with Nicaraugua, Costa Rica, and San Salvador. It is said that Barrios has a force of 20,000 men, and forty pieces of artillery. Secretary Bayard received a dispatch stating that the Central American cable had been cut by a Colombian gun boat at the mouth of the Bnenaventura River. The company ask that instructions be sent to the United States naval vessel at Panama.

POLITICAL.

Carter H. Harrison was nominated for Mayor by the Democratic City Convention at Chicago, William M. Devine was nominated for City Treasurer, John G. Neumeister for City Clerk, and Peter J. Ellert for City Attorney. The Texas Legislature passed a bill to compol railroad companies to keep their principal offices in the State, under a penalty of SI,OOO fine for each month of neglect. The Ohio House passed bills prohibiting the employment of children under 12 years of age, and providing that corporations or others employing women or girls shall procure seats for their uee when not engaged in active duties, and making a fine of $lO to $25 for each violation of the law. The New York Assembly has passed a bill providing for a reservation at Niagara Falls. Notwithstanding that saloon-keepers throughout lowa are closing up their places, the lowa Brewers and Bottlers’ Association has been incorporated at Marshalltown' with

the avowed purpose of raising funds to further test the constitu-Anality of the liquor law. Three clergymen of Washington called upon President Cleveland and presented a memorial with 1,000 signatures asking the enforcement of the Edmunds act in Utah.

MISCELLANEOUS. Secretary Manning has prepared a circular letter to the Collectors of Customs requesting information us to the practicability of curtailing the expense of collecting the revenue from customs hy reducing tho present force of clerks and other employes. Several skirmishes are reported between the forces of Honduras and Sin Salvador in Central America. Honduras takes the part of Gen. Barrios and Guatemala, ban Salvador puts her whole army into the field, Nicaragua provides 4,000 men, and Costa Rica contributes 1,000. President Zaldlvar, of Costi Rica, will assume chief command of the allied forces. More than twenty* veteran Mexican officers have left the City of Mexico to join the forces of San Salvador and Nicaragua. The hostile feeling toward Barrios is growing in Mexico day by day, and aggressive measures are advocated. Fire in Pueblo, Mexico, destroyed a cigarette factory, and it is believed that thirteen employes perished in the flames. A gas explosion caused a fire which damaged the buildings of the Michigan Carbon Works at Rougeville $150,000. The insurance amounts to $85,030. Fire in a business building in Duane street, New York, caused a loss of $117,000; fully insured. There were 212 failures in the United States last week, a decrease of thirty-five as compared with the preceding week. The Canadian Government has received advices of a battle with Riel in the Saskatchewan region, in which eleven mounted policemen were killed and ten wounded. Press dispatches announce the capture of Major Crozier an 1 his command of one hundred men. D. W. Caldwell has been appointed receiver of the Nickel-Plate Road by Jatdge Jones, of the Common Pleas Court at Cleveland, on the application of the Union Trust Company of New York. The bond of $200,000 was signed by J. H. Wade and S. E. Williamson, of Cleveland. Dispatches from the scene of the trouble in the Canadian Northwest Territory state that the mounted police under Irvin have evacuated' Fort Carleton and retreated to Prince Albert, where they can better defend themselves. All the supplies, including the fort, were destroyed. Gen. Middleton and 700 men are on the march from Qu’appcllc to the scene of the Riel insurrection. The Canadian Government has ordered the immediate dispatch of 800 militia from Ontario and Quebec by tho Lake Superior route. Capt. Moore died from a wound received in the engagement of the 20th ult., and there are rumors that Maj. Crozier was killed.

FOREIGN.

Hanlan, the Canadian champion oarsman, was defeated by Beach, of Australia, in their race over the champions’ course on the Paramatta River, Sydney, N. S. W. Hanlan was six lengths behind at the finish. The attendance was enormous The weather was favorable and the water smooth. Both oarsmen were in excellent condition. The Celestials have scored another victory, they having carried the intrenchments at Langson, securing the key to the position and forcing the invaders to retreat beyond Dong-Dang alopg the Lougkoi. The losses are unknown. The Orientals have 50,000 men and seriously threaten the French lines of communication with the South. Gen. Briere de I’lsle has asked for 20,000 men. The Russian orgjm, Le Nord, published at Brussels, priits a letter from St. Petersburg which is retarded as good authority, and says; “Prest nt Russian military movements are nothirg tut precautionary measures, dictated by the most elementary principles of national irudence.” The same paper states editorially that the people of Russia regard the whole quarrel with no trace of irritation. A xmdon dispatch states there is a lull there in tle war scare. The call for the army reserve: and militia alarmed the people, and after the subsidence of the first excitement t ley are asking what number are to be put i nder arms. The Ministry, it is claimed, have allowed reports to circulate without cont •adiction that in fact no more than 25,000 mm are wanted. This is just about enough t< fill the vacancies in the muster rolls cause: by the recent draft for the Egyptian and N editerranean stations. Gladstone replied to tie most pressing requests as to the true i nport of the Queen’s summons by saying hat the Government had decided to postpone all statements upon the subject until after Easter, hoping in the meantime to meet wit h some arrangement with Russia. After two weeks of active campaigning, during which several hundred lives have been lost, Gen. Grahajn’s camp js just two miles nearer Berber than when he started from Suakin. The army is suffering from typhoid fever and dysentery. The Berber Railway has not yet been begun. The cable chronicles the death of Prince Orloff, the Russian diplomat, at Fontainebleau. The “’Varsity” race of 1885 on the Thames, at London, between the Oxford and Cambridge crews, was won by the former by three lengths; time, 21:36. Dr. Higgins, the Catholic Bishop of Kerry, at a meeting held in Killarney, offered a resolution to the effect that an address of welcome be presented to the Prince and Princess of Wales, and was greeted with hisses and groans. The resolution was finally carried. A cablegram from London says Parliament believes that peace will continue between England and Russia, while the court is certain that war is at hand.

LATER NEWS ITEMS.

Gen. Hatch telegraphed to the War Department at Washington announcing that Couch, with 600 or 800 followers, still threatened to defy the President’s proclamation and invade Oklahoma. There was a conference at the White House, the result of which was that orders were issue! to arrest Col.Couch and the other leaders of his band. A New York dispatch of the 30th ult. states that *‘Gen. Grant is rapidly losing strength, but he was reparted at midn'ght as resting easily. Minister Romero expresses fear that the General will choke to death within a few hours by his disease reaching an artery. The General has expressed himself as being entirely in bis physicians’ hands, and said he would do whatever was suggested by them. Nothing whatever is kept from him in regard to his condition, and he was informed ‘of its seriousness and probable termination. He received the statement that there were indications of a speedy end without change of expression, but he did not say anything about his feelings. He has known for some time that his disease was sure to kill, and has been ready at any time to go.” Holders of $21,000,000 Reading Railway securities have given assent to the reorganization plan. Destitution is reported to be increasing in West Virginia. A correspondent says: “The sound of children crying for bread is heard in many quarters.” The Mayor, three clergymen, and a dozen physicians of Worcester, Mass., have started a movement for the building of a crematorium. Teams are still crossing on the ice at Mackinaw City, and the indications are that the Straits will not be open until July 1. The ice, which is thirty to forty inches thick, is covered with three feet of snow. Chicago elevators contain 15,904,217 bushels of wheat, 1,914,428 bushels of corn, 540,931 bushels of oats, 134,525 bushels of rye, and 77,939 bushels of barley; total, 18,572,010 bushels of all kinds of grain, against 22,116,639 bushels a year ago. A fire in Chicago destroyed the building alongside and in the rear of the Montauk Block, in Monroe street, occupied by the National Printing Company ana Bradner, Smith & Co. The loss is $350,000. The same building was burned fllteen months ago. The insurance aggregates $112,5(10. The I resident sent the following nominations to the Senate on the 30th ult.: To be Envoys Extraordinary and Ministers Plenipotentiary of the United States: Thomas J. Jarvis, of North Carolina, to Brazil; Alexander R. Lawton, of Georgia, to Russia, and Anthony JI. Kelley, of ■Virginia, to Italy. To be Ministers Resident of the United States: Isaac Bell, Jr., Rhode Island, to the Netherlands: Rufus Magee, of Indiana, to bweden and Norway, and George W. Merrill, of Nevada, to the Hawaiian Islands. To be Ministers Resident- and Consuls General of the United States: Edward larke Custis Lewis, New Je-sey, to Portugal; and Rasmus B. Anderson, of Wisconsin, to Denmark. To be Consuls General of the United Stares: Thomas M. Waller, of Connecticut, at London; Frederick Raine, 'of Maryland, at Benin; and Edmund Jussan, of Illinois, at Vienna. To be Consuls of the United States: A. Haller Gross, of Pennsylvania, at Athens, Greece; and Ev..n P. Howell, of Georgia, at Manchester, England. Brown, Shipley Co., of London, England, to be special fiscal agents of the Navy Department. To be Coll ctors of Internal Revenue: Nathan Gregg, of Tennessee, tor the Second District of Tennessee, and Isham G. Searcy, of Texas, for the Third District of Texas; Alex. McCune, of New York, to be Solicitor or ths Treasury; David Settle, of North Carolina, to be Marshal of the United States for the Western Dis'rict of North Carolina: Jos. E. Johnston, of Virginia, to be Commissioner of Railroads; Lewis Mullen, of New York, to ba Appraiser of the District of New York City; Wm. Caldwell, of Ohio, to be Surveyor of Customs at Cincinnati, Ohio; Clement Dowd, of North Carolina, to be Collectorof Internal Revenue lor the Sixth District of North Carolina; J.O.Henderson.of Indiana,Collector of Internal Revenue for the Eleventh District of Indiana; Capt. William J. Volkmar, of the Fifth Cavalry, to be Major and Assistant Adhltant General; Capt. George H. Burton, of the Twen-ty-first Infantry, to be Major and Inspector General. To be Postmasters: Michael J. Dougherty, at Galesburg, 111.; Wilbur F. Horn, at Idaho Springs, Colo.; Palemon Wiley, at Central City, Colo.; and Ansel Watrous, at Cort Collins, Colo. The Senate confirmed the following: Postmasters—Frederick G. Kendrick, at Mount Clemens, Mich.; Aquila Jones, Sr., at Intjianapo’ls, Ind.: Mrs. Lizzie H. Ficklin, at Charleston, 111.; Claiborne Bowman, at Yazoo City;Miss.; and N. C. Ridenour, at Clarinda, lowa.

THE MARKETS.

NEW YORK. Beeves $5 oi @ 7.00 Hogs 5.00 ® S.EQ Wheat—No. 1 White 91 & .92 No. 2 Red 90 @ .91 Corn—No. 2...... si @ .52 Oats—White 38 @ .41 Pork—New Mess 13.00 @13.50 CHICAGO. Beeves—Choice to Prime Steers. 6.00 @ 6.25 Good Shipping 5.00 ® 5.50 Common to Fair 4.25 @ 4.75 Hogs 4.t0 « 5.00 Flour—Fancy Red Winter Ex.. 3.75 @4.25 Prime to Choice Spring. 3.50 @ 4.00 Wheat—No. 2 Red 80%® .81% Corn—No. 2 39 @ .42 Oats—No. 2 27 @ .29 Rye—No. 2 61 ® .63 Barley—No. 2 64 @ .65 Butter—Choice Creamery., 23 @ .25 FineDairv 16 @ .20 Cheese—Full Cream .11 @ .12 Skimmed Flat 05 @ .06 Eggs—Fresh 13 @ .14 Potatoes—Choice, per bu 50 @ .55 Pork—Mess 12.00 @12.50 MILWAUKEE. Wheat—No. 2 78 an .80 Corn—No. 2 40%@ .41 % Oats—No. 2 30 @ .32 Rye—No. 1 68 @ .70 Barley—No. 2 57 @ .58 Pork—Mess 12.00 @12.50 TOLEDO. Wheat—No. 2 Red 81 & .82 Corn—No. 2 43 @ .45 Oats—No. 2 : 33 @ .34 ST. LOUIS. Wheat—No. 2 Red 86 @ .87 Corn—Mixed 39 @ .40 Oats—Mixed 32 @ .33 Rye..., 60 @ .62 Pork—Mess 12.00 @12.50 CINCINNATI Wheat—No. 2 Red 8G @ .87 Corn 44 @ .46 Oats—Mixed 33 @ .35 Pork—Mess 12.25 @12.75 DETROIT. Flour 4.75 @5.25 Wheat—No. 1 "White 88 @ .89 Corn—Mixed 43 @ .44 Oats—No. 2 White 34 & .35 Pobk—Family 13.00 @13.50 INDIANAPOLIS. Wheat—No. 2 Red c 4 @ .85 Corn—Mixed 41 @ .42 Oats—Mixed. 30 @ .32 BUFFALO. Wheat—No. 2 Spring 90 @ .92 Corn—No. 2 <6 @ .48 Oats—Na 2 White 35 @ .36 EAST LIBERTY. Cattle—Best 6.35 @ 7.00 Fair 5.25 @ 6.00 Common 4.25 @ 5.00 Hogs. 5.00 @5.25 Sheep 4.50 5,00

CONGRESS.

What the Extra Session of the Senate Is Engaged At The Preaident sent to the Senate the following nominations, March 25: Samuel 8. Cox, of New York, to be Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary of the United States to Turkey. Postmasters—Henry C. Shannon, at Erie, Pa.; William Wortham, at Sulphur Springs, Tex.; Robert O. Denton, at Gainesville, Tex.; Henry C. Cassidy, at Youngstown. Ohio; Henry D. Black, at Coshoctcn, Ohio; Willis G. Neff, at Greencastle, Ind.; Sorden Lister, at South Bend, Ind.; J. Knox Hall, at Toulon, DI.; Thomas J. Bunn, at Bloomington, DI.; John Cunningham, at Mattoon, 111 ; James E. Neet. at Versailles, Ky.; Frederick G. Kendrick, at Mount Clemens, Mich.: George W. Cate, at Stevens Point, Wis.; David O. Irwin,, at Lake City, Minn.; J. D. Armond, at Davenport, Iowa: M. M. Ham, editor of the Herald, at Dubuque, Iowa; Joseph Lander, at State Center, Iowa; Wm. R. White, at Prescott, Ark. The President sent to the Senate the following nominations on the 26th: Thomas C. Crenshaw Jr., to Le Collector of Internal Revenue of the District of Georgia. Po tmasters: Aquila Jqnes Sr., at Indianapolis, Ind.; Osbun Shannon, at Lawrence, Kan.: John Mileham, at Topeka, Kan.; N. C. Ridenour, at Clarinda, Iowa; Vincent J. Lane, at Wyandotte, Kan.; Mrs. Lizzie H. Ficklen, at Char eston, Ill.; and Claiborne W. Bowman, a. Yazoo City, Miss. The Senate met at noon, and live minutes later went into executive session. After some further discussion of the Weil and La Ahra treaties, thev were postroned until next session. When the doors reopened, the resolution providing that a committee of two Senators be appointed to wait upon the President and inform him that if he had no further com-'-munication to make the Senate was ready to adi'ourn was adopted, and Senators Sherman and Jeck were appointed such committee. Senator Mahone made a report from the Committee on Public Buildings and Grounds favoring the substitution of electric for gas light in the Senate. The Senate confirmed Daniel McConville, of Ohio, Auditor of the Treasury for the Postoffice Department. The Senate met at noon and immediately went into executive session, on March 27. The committee appointed to wait upon the President reported that they had performed that duty, and the President had expressed a wish that tne Senate should remain in session until Thursday, April 2. The following confirmations were announced: Postmasters—James E. Neet, Versailles, Ky.; Henry D Beach, Coshocton, Ohio; Henry C (assidy, Youngstown, Ohio; John Milham, Topeka, Kas.; Vincent J. Lane, Wyandotte, Kas.; J. M. Deannond, Davenport, Iowa; M. M. Ham, Dubuque, Iowa; Joseph Lander, State Center, Iowa: Henry C. Shannon, Erie, Pa.; Robert O. Denton, Gainesville, Tex.; William A. Wortham, Sulphur Springs, Tex.; W. R. White, Prescott, Ark.; John Cunningham, Mattoon, Ill.; J. Knox Hall, Toulon, Ill.; Sorden Lester, South Bend, Ind.; Willis G. Neff, Greencastle, Ind.; David O. Irwin, Lake: City, Minn., and George W. Cate, Stevens Point, Wis. Thomas C. Crenshaw, Jr., was confirmed as Collector of the Internal Revenue District of’ Georgia. When the doors reopened the Senate adjourned to Monday, 30th.

A Skillful Professor.

“Ah, hah!” exclaimed Prof. Mayor* huff, looking up from a book and turning to his wife. “What have you found, dear?” “Listen to this from Horace Greeley: ‘I am fully persuaded that if chopping wood were universal, rheumatism and dyspepsia would be unknown.’” “Well, what of that?” asked Mrs. Mayorhuff. “What of it? Why, I shall chop wood, that’s what there is of it. ” “Did you ever chop wood?” “Didi ever chop wood? Haven’t I been editor of the Woodman for years? Didn’t my article, ‘How to Clear up New Ground,’create a sensation? Of course it did. Jane, I swear that sometimes I believe you are blind. Did I ever chop wood, indeed! I have just ordered a cord of hard oak wood and I shall chop it myself. Aside from the healthful exercise, it will save money. I shall order an ax sent up just as soon as I go dowm town.” When the professoi returned at dinner time, he asked if the ax had come. “Yes, it’s out there on the porch.” “Well, I shall go to work at once.” “I hope so. We are needing some now’, for the weather has turned awful cold.” “Don’t fret. You shall have all the wood you want. ” The professor went out, and after laboring three hours, brought in two small sticks that looked as though they had been gnawed in two. “This enough?” “Enough, the mischief! It’s not enough to start a fire.” The professor puffed and “blowed” awhile, and then went out again. ‘ Three hours later he came in again with two more sticks. “This do?” “Of course it won’t. We’ll have snow before morning. ” “Snow!” he exclaimed, wiping his reeking brow. “Yes, snow’.” “Well, I don’t care if it falls fifty feet deep, I am not going to chop anymore to-day. Needn’t expect a man to kill himself just because we are going to have snow.” Just then a rap came at the door. “Come in,” called the professor, too tired to get up. “What have you got there ?” “Ax from the hardware store. Made a mistake before and sent you a grubbing hoe.” Mrs. Mayorhuff shouted and the professor collapsed.— Arkansaw Traveler. “What’s the news, my dear ?” asked Mrs. Smith of her husband, after ho had read his morning paper. “Oh, nothing special. I see that a Frenchman entered a newspaper office for the purpose of killing the editor, but the editor succeeded in killing his antagonist.” “Goody! goody!” exclaimed Mrs. Smith. “Served him right How did the editor kill him ? Shoot him ?” “The editor was newly married,” replied Smith, “and I guess he induced the Frenchman to eat .some of his wife's cooking.” —Newman Independent. While the ladies’ fair was in progress at Dallas, a gentleman from the country who was smoking a cheap cigar, after peering into the door for a while, said: “I would like to go in.” “You have to have two things to get in.” “What be they?” “One is a ticket, and the other is no. cigar in your mouth.”—Taras Siftings.