Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 March 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The original barber-queue: The pigtail of a Chinese tonsorial art st. A young lawyer of Camden, Pa., has just had his first case. It was a case of measles. Judge—You are charged with drunkenness.' Prisoner—is, yer Honor, and if ye blaze I’d like to be dis-chaiged.— Washington Hatchet. A Georgia man has paid for a farm with the melons off it, to say nothing of the struggling young doctors he has firmly established in bus.ness. “Yes,” said the Deacon, “our Heavenly Father knows all our inmost thoughts.” “Then,” replied “He must be possessed of a deal of worthless information.” when he kicks. A man is very like a gun. Tne fact please try t > affix; For it he finds he’s char ed too much, Why, that’s ihe time he kica.s. Yonkers Statesman. Wife—“Do you think Jeff Davis aimed at despotic power?” Husband (henpecked)—“l think so, dear. He was found dressed in women’s clothes.”— New York Sun. “Why don’t you keep your hands clean ?” asked a Detroit parent of his 9-year-old boy the other day. “Oh.it takes too much Lme, and times are hard,” was the reply.— Detroit Free Press. Landlady—“Do you find your steak tender, Mr. Dumby? If not, I will ” Dumby (who was wakened at 5 o’clock that morning by the cook pounding it) —“Er—it might be well to let the cook hit it a few more times, I think.”— New York Sun., Mother—“ Are you quite sure, dear, that young Featheriy is not fond of you? He certainly seemed very devoted last night when he buttoned your glove.” Daughter—“Ah, yes, mother, but his hand never trembled.”— New York Sun. “Doctor,” said the grateful patient, seizing the physician’s Hand, “I shall never forget that to you I owe my life. ” “You exaggerate,” said the doctor, mildly; “you only owe me for fifteen visits; that is tlfe point which I hope you will not fail to remember.” “It is easy enough to see that that man has never served on a jury before,” remarked an old lawyer in court to a friend. “Why?” his unprofessional friend inquired. “Because he pays such close attention to the evidence."— New York Times. “Pa,” said a young Danbury boy te his father, “where are you going?” “To a hog-guessing match, my son.” “What do the hogs guess about, pa ?” was the next query. “Little, boys should be seen and not beard,” said the father, in an impressive voice.— Danbury News. “Algernon, love, the Doctor said that I absolutely required a little change. I was forced to tell him yon was always just run out of it whenever I asked you for any, and that it was weeks since you had given me a cent. Then he said I must need a great deal of change. Ain’t you ashamed, now?” But he wasn’t Not one bit. When Mrs. Oleo. the b arding-house mistress, was told that the inspector of provisions had seized 4t>B pounds of veal, 92 pounds of poultry, 52 pouncte of bear meat, 37 iambs, 6 barrels of peas, and 200 boxes of herring, she remarked : “Pretty good appetite; but nothing to some of my boarders. You?d ought to see them when they’re good and hungry.”