Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 February 1885 — Page 7

A Humorist in Several Languages.

A story having gone the rounds that Opie Read, the humorist of the Arkansaw Traveler, began his journalistic career under Cowles, of the Cleveland Leader, and that the latter had no apprecation of humor, Mr. Bead comes to the defense of his old employer: “I was employed by the Leader Company to do ‘humorous’ writing, and my sad attempts at wit must have made the old gentleman’s hair stand up like the excited tooth-picks on the back of the agitated porcupine. One day, calling me, he said: ‘Look here, I wish you wouldn’t write any more sketches in the negro dialect. Many of our prominent colored citizens have become offended. Can’t you write some other kind of humor?’ “‘Yes, sir.’ “ ‘All right; see that you do.’ “Several days later he sent for me. ‘Look here,’ said he, ‘I wish you’d drop that German dialect. You don’t understand German, do you?’ “fto sir.’ “ ‘Well, then, don’t try to write it. I’d much rather you would atteihpt English. We can’t afford to offend our German citizens.’ “‘AH right, sir.’ “A few days afterward, he came to me and gave me a few more lines of advice, which found me enjoying the same blessing. “‘Look here; I notice that you have taken up the Irish dialect. Were you ever in Ireland?’ “‘No, sir.’ “ ‘Then don’t try to write Irish. Another thing I wish to say. In writing up the baker’s strike, you headed the article “On the Loaf!” What did you mean by that ?’ “‘W’y, that was a joke.’” “‘So I was told, but I took the paper home with me and studied the question pretty thoroughly, but I can’t see where the joke comes in. I must compliment you, though, on one article. That one headed “The Widow’s Last Biscuit,” was one of the most laughable pieces of description I ever read.’ * “’W’y, Mr. Cowles, that was a pathetic article.’ “‘That so? I thought it was funny. Bay, can’t you fix it some way so I can distinguish your humor from your pathos? It is embarrassing to be constantly in doubt. Eun must be hilarious. There must be no mistake about it—no room for conjecture. Your sketches are all very well in their way—they show much hard work; what an effort it costs you to enable the compositors to read them, but it strikes me that there is something lacking. Some people say that I have no idea of fun. This is a mistake. Didn’t I laugh the other day when Perdue fell down stairs ? Of course I did. I don’t want you to think that I am hard to please, for I am not, but if you want to make me laugh you must write something funny. You seem to have brought gloom along with you. Can’t you shake off the despondency which seems to be clinging to your garments? I think that you have made a mistake in your calling. This very minute you ought to be an undertaker. You would make an excellent hand to lift heavy metallic cases. I have just told Perdue to pay you up. I think you’d better go back to Arkansas. lam sorry that we must part so soon. Good-by,’ and turning around with a pleasant smile he discharged the city editor and begged the base ball reporter to throw down his pencil and seek the fresh air <of the country. ”

Byron’s Tomb.

Byron, when owner of Newstead Abbey, built a tomb in which he wished to be buried, but at the time of his death the property had passed into the hands of his cXd schoolmate, Col. Wildman. As the little, square-towered stone church at HucknaU Torkard, three miles away, was the place where the poet attended church when a Aad, it seemed appropriate that here bis mortal remains should be placed. This was done Jiuly 16, 1824. When the writer of this visited the church some ten years since, he noticed a wreath of leaves upon the wall above the poet’s tomb, and recalled this note from the poem, “Burns and Byron,” by Joaquin Miller: “The day before my departure for Europe last summer, a small party sailed out of the beautiful searfront <&f Saucelito, lying an the great Bay of San Francisco, forever green its crowm of California laurel; and there the fairest hands of the youngest .city of the new world wove a wreath of bay for the tomb of Byron. I brought it over the Rocky Mountains and the seas, and placed it above the duet of the soldier poet as desired.” The humorous old sexton, in reply to a question asked concerning the history of the wneath, said: “An American poet jwho adanined Byron very much brought it from his .country, and, with permission of the rector, placed it there himself. Tl*e reetof’s daughter, who did not think highly of Lord Byron, wanted the wreath removed, and .her father said: 'lf youttake it down, you maybut the daughter did not tike ladders! Se it remains. ” The closing lines of the poem referred to are: No sign ,of cryptic stone or cross Unto the passing world has said “He died, and we deplore his loss." No sonnd of sandaled pilgrim’s tread Disturbs the pilgrim's peaceful rest, Or frets the proud, impatient breast. The bat flits through the open pane, ; The black, swift swallow g thers moss. And builds In peace above his head, I Then goes, then comes and builds again. And it is well, not otherwise Would he, the erand, sad singer, will. The serene peace of paradise He sought—'tis his—the storm is still. Secure m his eternal tun •, And blended pity and respect. He does not feel the cold neglect. And England does not tear the shame. Nottingham, 1870.

Crystabel’s Chestnut Cry.

Crystabel Pendennis, with hot alkaline tears on her damascus cheeks, rushed into her mother’s arms and frantically embraced the mantel, and called for a poultice of tea-leaves for her aching and wounded orbs. A red sunset glinted on the western fog, and deep, dark tar-flat-like shadows spread across the three-ply Brussels. Then she tore the chesnut from her pocket—the cbestuut which since early childhood she had carried to prevent rheumatism—and threw it into the rosy, rubicund grate, and lifted the red-and-yellow chamois-and-flannel waistcoat from her dimpled shoulders, and pre-

pared to die of consumption. In vain her mother appealed to her, in the name of bric-a-brac, to reveal her sorrow. But at last she dried her Oolong tears, and said: “My sister, the beautiful but dreaded Irene, has fled with the coachman.” “But why do you weep, Crystabel ?” “Because, mamma, 1 was engaged to fly with him myself, only she stole my stockings and I couldn’t get hers on.”— San Francisco Post.

The Candle Fish.

I first observed the candle fish when I was on the shore of British Columbia. I had lived in an Indian village for nearly a week before I heard anything about the fish, and one beautiful moonlight night was standing on the beach when I saw something that appeared exactly like the reflection of the moon, only it was in the wrong direction. I called the attention of a native, who was not far off, to it, and immediately it seemed to throw him into the greatest excitement. He sang out, “Eulachon!” as loud as he could, and in a few moments at least fifty men were on the beach launching their t canoes. There was so much confusion that I could not learn what was the matter, but I tumbled into one of the canoes, and off we went. There were two men in all the boats but ours, I making a third. One sat in the stern and paddled, while the other stood in the bow with a curious instrument in his hand that until now I had not observed. It looked like an enormous rake, or comb, made of a piece of pine at least eight feet long, with a hole for a grip at the top, the lower part thinning off to an edge, into which was driven sharp iron or bone teeth, from three to four inches apart, so that the weapon resembled a great comb held by the back. The ripple I had seen on the water was an enormous school of fishes, and to surround them now seemed to be the chief object. The canoes were swiftly paddled out until they were all upon the outside, and then they rushed at them full speed, each man wielding his comb-like scoop and dashing it into the sparkling mass that gleamed like silver, and at every stroke, so thick were the fishes, that the teeth of the comb came up covered with their impaled forms. These were quickly jerked into the boat and another dash made, and so on until the school was finally driven in shore, where the excited natives leaped into the water, knee-deep in the throng, and fairly scooped them into their canoes, where their vivid phosphorescence made them look like molten gold. The school seemed so terrified and demoralized that they hugged the shore, and if the men had nets instead of those outlandish combs, they could have captufel millions where they only took thousands. The boats were rapidly filled, however, and in an hour the excitement was over and the canoes were hauled by the exhausted fishermen upon the beach.— A Na'turalisCs Story.

The Clothes Basket Superseded.

As a substitute for the conventional clothes basket, a bag is now attached to a triangular table, with a movable top. The bag is hidden by a flounce either of serge, embroidered in crewels, or any fancy material, fixed to the woodwork and reaching to the ground. The top of the table, when on, serves its usual purpose of holding knickknacks. These receptacles are easily made, and generally at home. Another contrivance is to attach a bag to the ordinary towel horse, covering it with American cloth, which should fit ®s (compactly as possible, and fixing it to the lower rails, as the bag is behind. This idea could be carried out with advantage where economy of room is desixed.— American Queen.

A House-Building Fish.

In Lake Nyassa, in the far interior of Africa, is a kind of black fish which every v'eiur builds what the natives call “a house.” In the mud at the bottom of the lake it makes a hole some two or three feet broad, allowing the earth removed focm the hole to form a little wall around (it. The depth of the hole and the height of the wall, measured together, make a small basin from fifteen to eighteen inches deep. Ln this little lake within a lake the fish feels secure from all enemies, and very quietly keeps house until the eggs Are laid, when it becomes restless and leaves the 'house as a nursery for snaccessors, when dt roams about again .a± will.

Hospitable but Excited.

Dumley was giving a little dinner and everything was going on nicely. Dumley is a very, hospitable man, but lacks self-possession. “I believe, Mr. Dumley,” said one of his guests, an old lady, “that you may help me onroe more to the oysters. I’ve eaten very heartily of them already, but they are srmply delicious." “Certainly, my dear madam, certainly,” replied Mr. Dumley, with excess of hospitality. “I hope you will eat all you wantiof them. We have a fresh barrel in the cellar, and if that isn’t enough we know where we can get— Jane, pass Mrs. Lighteater the celery.” —Detroit Poet.

Times Change.

Forty years ajgo no man with a mustache could have been elected President. In those days the mustache was considered undignified if not immoral, and a man who sported one was looked upon with suspicion. It was the badge of the adventurer, gambler and the rake in the estimation of many good people. A mustache like Cleveland’s would have imperiled the chances of the most popular candidate in the country, and Logan’s would havecaused an absolute stampede to the other party.— Bloomington Eye.

Splendid Honers.

-The public should note the fact that the only proprietary medicine on earth that ever received the supreme award of Gold Medal at the great International World Fairs, Industrial Expositions and State Furs, is St Jacobs Oil. After the most thorough and practical tests, in hospitals and elsewhere, it has universally triumphed over all competitors, and been proclaimed by Judges and Jurors, including eminent physicians, to be the best paiD-cDriog remedy in existence.

When in the Wrong Channel

The bile wreaks grievous injury. Headaches, constipation, pain in the liver and stomach, jaundice, nausea ensue. A few doses of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters will reform these evils and prevent further injury. It is a pleasant aperient, its action upon the bowels being unaccompanied by griping. The liver is both regulated and stimulated by it, and as it is very impolitic to disregard disorder of that organ, which through neglect may culminate in dangerous congestion and hepatic abscess, the Bitters should be resorted to at an early stage. Failure to do this renders a contest with the malady more protracted. Fever and ague, rheumatism, kidney and bladder troubles, are remedied by this fine meiicine, and the increasing infirmities of age mitigated by it. It may be also used in convalescence with advantage, as it hastens the restoration of vigor.

Senator Edmunds’ Weakness.

“Senator Edmunds is passionately addicted to onions,” said a lady who goes camping with him every season. “His craze for the pungent, pestiferous vegetable is simply awful—l never saw anything like it. When he starts off for his annual holiday in the woods he has an enormous supply of onions among the stores provided for the trip, and then every farmhouse he comes to he wants to stop, and buy a few more onions, until every one feels as though he belonged to an onion caravan. While he is in camp his morning meal is an onion and a graham crackej; for his luncheon he takes a graham sandwich and an onion; his dinner consists of meat and onions.” In his inordinate appetite for onions may be found an explanation of the dark and mysterious hints as to* the personal habits of Senator Edmunds, which formed the basis of the Sun’s opposition to him as a possible Bepublican nominee for President.— New York Graphic. Young men or m (Idle-aged ones, suffering from nervous debility and kindred weaknesses, should send three letter stamps for illustrated book suggesting sure means of cure. Address World’s Medical Association, Buffalo, N. Y. A fellow feeling makes ub wondrous blind.

Important. When you visit or leave New York City, eave Baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire, and atop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot: 600 elegant rooms fitted up at a cost of one million dollars, reduced to $1 and upwards per day. European plan, Elevator, Restaurant supplied with the best. Horse cabs, stage, and elevated railroad to all depots. Families can live better for less money at the Grand Union than at any first-class hotel in the city. Mormons hold faith in a religious re-wive-all. Horsford’s Acid Phosphate, IN DEBILITY. Dr. W. H. Holcombe, New Orleans, La., says: “I found it an admirable remedy for debilitated state of the system, produced by the wear and tear of the nervous energies.” A base deceiver is fit for nothing but p’aying ball. . The secret of the large and constant sales of Mrs.Pinkham’s Vegetablecompound probably lies in the fact that whereas there are many “Bitters” and ••Tonies” of equal value, be it more or less, the Vegetable Compound is so completely superior to all other preparation; specially recommended for the needs of women that it has practically no rivals. A Connecticut man has invented a paper carpet. Of course it will be read.

Low Rates to Inauguration Ceremonies at Washington.

Mr. E. A- Ford, General Passenger Agent of the Pennsylvania lines, west of Pittsburg, announces the following low first-class rates for tickets over the Pennsylvania lines to Washington and return, on the occasion of President Cleveland’s inauguration, March 4th, next. The original rates proposed by Mr. Ford for this purpose were considerably less than these, butbecau -eof a determination on the part of has .competitors that higher rates shoui d prevail, the figures named below were finally adopted as a compromise: Frora : Ohicago to Washington and return, S2O. Solid trains of coaches and Pullman sleeping cars will be run to Washington over the Pennsylvania lines from their various termini in the West, and Mr. Ford assures us that the standard of excellence in allithat pertains to the transportation and care of their patrons, for which these lines are already famous, shall be fully maintain efl on this occasion. For particulars, address C. W. Adanas, Assistant General Passenger Agent, No. 65 •Clark street, Chicago, 111.

Are Yon J>i*courage<l ? Uns your,physician failed to arrest the disease from which you are suffering? Ate j*>u losing faith in medicines, and growing alarmed at your condition? Then give Compound Oxygon a trial. AVriio to Drs. Starkey & Palcn, llOt Girard st., i’liila., for their treatise on Coni pound ctrygen. Sent free. 'The last place in the word for a man to .economize is.in buying a Cough Medicine, yot .there are many who will go to their druggist .and, instead.of asking for Allen's Lung Balsam, the best Cough Syrup he has in bls store,'they will take anything at all (if lit la .only cheap) that may be offered. These same peop e would exercise more care and thought while buying bread and cheese for their families, where different qualities were to be had, and would always take the best. Ought they not, where life and death Is at stake, exercise, at leastas.much care'? I have . had catarrh m head and nostrils for ten years so bad that there were great sores in my nose, and one place was eaten through. I got Ely’s Cream Balm. Two .bottles did the work, but am still using it. My nose andkead.are well. 1 feel like another man.—Chas. 8. McMillen, hibley, Jaeluon «Qa., Mo. There was a young lady quite fair, Who had much trouble with her hair, So she bought Carboline And a eight to be seen Is the head .of this maiden, I declare. From Col. C. 11. Mackey, 32d lowa Infantry: I have now been using Ely’s Cream Balm for three months and am experiencing nd trouble from Catarrh whatever. 1 have been a sufleaer for twenty years.—C. H. Maekey, Sigourney, lowa. gS®S F’OR T>2kI3NT. Rheumatism, neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago, Backache, Headache, Toothache, Barns.lcaldsJ . AMk OTUEB aODILT PAHS AMD ACKHL MdbraraalatauxlDMteraunrprtmM, FinyOsutsatoUla. Directions is 11 LxnsnasM. THE CHARLES A. VOOEUEBCO. (•w—xrraA. Youxlmsoo.) Milam, MA, a kA.

Thi leprous distillment. whose effect Holds such an enmity with blood of man. That, swift as quicksilver, ifcoouins through The natural gates and alleys of the body. and causes the skin to become “ barked about, most lazar-like, With vile and loathsome cruat " Such are the effects of diseased and morbid bile, the only ant d. te lor which is to cleanse and regulate the liver—an office admirably performed by Dr. Fierce's “Golden Medical Discovery.” Europe is always governed by the powwow behind the throne. It's no secret that Dr. Pieroe’s Compound Extract of Smart-Weed is compose I of best genuine French Brandy, distilled Extract of Smart-Weed, and Jamaica Ginger Hoot, with Cumphor Essence, and constitutes, therefore, the best remedy yet known for colic or cramps, cholera morbus, diarrh ea, dysentery, or bloody-flux, or to break up colds, fevers, and Intlammatory attacks. 60 cents. By druggists. It hurts nothing to drop a conversation that is out of place. The Combination of Ingredients used in making Brown’s Bronchial Troches is such as to give the best possible effect with safety. They are the best remedy in use for Coughs, Colds, and Throat Diseases. Pain nn<l l>ren<l attend the use of most Catarrh remedies. Liquids and snuffs are unpleasant as well as dangerous. Ely's Cream Balm is safe, pleasant, easily applied with the linger, and a sure cure. It cleanses the nasal passages and heals the intlamed membrine, giving relief from the tirst application. 50 cents at druggists. 60c. by mail. Ely Bros., Owego, N. Y. DR. JOHN BULL’S SmiWoiiicSw FOR THE CURE OF FEVER and AGUE Or CHILLS and FEVER, AND ALL MALARIAL DISEASES The proprietor of this celebrated medicine justly claims for it a superiority over all remedies ever offered to the public for the SAFE, CERTAIN, SPEEDY and PERMANENT cure of Ague and Fever, or Chills and Fever, whether of short or long standing. He refers to the entire Western and Southern country to bear him testimony to the truth of the assertion that in no case whatever will it fall to enre if the directions are strictly followed and carried ont. In a great many cases a single dose has been sufficient for a cure, and whole families have been cured by a single bottle, with a perfect restoration of the general health. It is, however, prudent, and in every case more certain to onre, if its use is continued in smaller doses for a wesk or two after the disease has been checked, more especially in difficult and long-standing cases. Usually this medicine will not require any aid to keep the bowels in good order. Should the patient, however, require a cathartic medicine, after having taken three or four doses of the Tonie, a single dose of BULL'S VEGETABLE FAMILY PILLS will be sufficient. BULL’S BABBAPABILLA is the old and reliable remedy for impurities of the blood and Scrofulous affections—the King of Blood Purifiers. DB. JOHN BULL'S VEGETABLE WOBM DESTROYER u prepared in the form of candy drops, attractive to the sight and pleasant to the taste. DR. JOHN BULL'S i SMITH'S TONIC SYRUP, BULL’S SARSAPARILLA, BULL’S WORM DESTROYER, The Popular Remedies of the Day. Principal Office. Ml Main St., LOUISVILLE, KT. CBIMBB mjMENTS. Any Fool can Destroy—Only the Man with Valuable Material can Save—Header, take Warning Before it is too Date. The summer of 1880 contributed largely to the records of disaster and death. Stupidity, ignorance, and carelessness can take life; any fool can destroy. But the ability to restore, to crush 'disease, to make life worth having, is the Joint product of nature and education. For this reason Dr. David Kennedy, of Rondout, N. Y., has cause to be both proud and thankful that his mame is gratefully mentioned by so many whom he has healed or helped. “Kennedy's Favorite Remedy" has become a household word. Everybody, sooner or later, gets sick, and sickness is both wearisome and costly. “Favorite Remedy" steps in at this point. It is not expensive and it is efficient. For all Diseases of the Blood, Bilious Disorders, Kidney Complaint, Constipation, and the aches and ills which make the domestic life of women a cross so hard to bear, “Kennedy's Favorite Remedy" has been successfully used by thousands. It will build up a system which has been rundown by overwork. It is the thing for the student and literary man to have at hand and should i>e in the home of every mechanic. “Favorite Remedy” is economical, safe, and pleasant. Buy it and try it; or, if vou need advice as well, write to Dr. Kennedy, who is in active practice as a surgeon and physician at Rondout, N. Y. “Dr. Kennedy's Favorite Remedy” for sale by all druggists.

GOLDEN HEAL BITTERS. I Broken down Invalids, d« you wish to gain flesh, to ao- . quire an appetite, to enjoy* Ik regular habit of body, to ob- ■ . tain refreshing sleep, to feel ■V ind know that every fibre Kt uid tissue of your system is Hi eing braced up and ratioiffy - r ated? If so commence at AC once a course of GOLDEN jjjt SEAL BI'ITERS. in one H; week you will lie convales--5 cent. In a month yon J will lie well. Don’t despair K because you have a weak r* constitution. Fortify the tri body against disease by PZ purifying all the fluids with NOLDES? SEAL BITTERS. S< No epidemic can take hold cNI ota system thus forearmed. I'iic liver, the stomach, the bowels, the kidneys, are 5» rendered disease proof by *• this great invigorant. Rulnooe bills for medical attendance may be avoided by counteracting the first symptoms of sickness with this great German remedy. They are recommended from friend to friend, and the aaletncreaaoß daily. Wo warrant a cure. GOLDEN SEAL BITTERB CO., Holland City, Mich. Sold by <U dauudsta. Take no others. flk RIIS Sampleßook, Premium List, Price List sent vJinildiree. U. 8. CARD 0O« Centerbrook, Conn I FARM Telegraphy, or Bhort-Han<l and Type PENSIONS * waew tomey, Washington, D. C. PATENTS Hand-Book FREE. ■ ft ■ Kell I J R. S. AA. P. LACEY, J Patent Att’ys, Washington, D. C. VAI UARI F MOFORMATION fleeof charge to ■/•■■USPkE all afflicted wl h CATARRH, COUGHS. COLDS OR SORE THROAT, whereby a permanent cure can be effected with but very little expense, by sending address to J. M. TAYLOR A CO- Manufacturing Chemists, 78 St SO Dearborn Street. Chicago. CHICAGO LEDGER. It sells on sight, and always pleases readers. For Fun and Fiction it ha< no equal in the United States. For sample, a Idrens The ffl-t or-®ap Chicago LEDGER, 271 Franklin Street, Chicago, 111. (A. REED & SONS A PIANOS, y

CommoDSDnsßAflvice He Who Becomes a Treasurer of Money for Another is Responsible for a Safe Return. How much more responsible Is he who has in charge the health and life of a human being. We have considered well the responsibility, and in preparinu our ALLEN’S LUNG BALSAM,which for twenty-five years has been favorably known as one of the beat and purest remedies for all Throat and Lung Diseases, we are particular to use nothing but the best ingredients. NO OPIUM in any form enters its comrosition. It is to your interest to stand bv the old and tried remedy, ALLEN'S LUNG BALSAM, and see that a bottle is always kept on hand for immediate use. READ THE FOLLOW* 1 ING NEW EVIDENCE: , , Addison. Pa., April 7.1883. I took a violent cold and it settled ou my lunes, so much so that at times I spit blood. ALLEN S LUNG HAI.SAM was recommended to me as a good remedy. I took it sud am now sound and well. Yours respectfully, A. J. HILEMAN. Addison. Pa., April. 1888. A. J. COLBOM, Esq., Editor of the .Somerset /ZemZit, writes: I can recommend ALLEN'S LUNG BALSAM as Iteing the best remedy for Colds and Coughs 1 ever used. _ , Astoria, Ills.. April 6,1883. Gentlemen: -I can cheerfully say your ALLEN'S LUNG BALSAM, which I have sol 1 for the past fifteen years, sells better than any cough remedy, and gives general satisfaction. 'Tis frequently recommended by the medical profession here. Yours truly, H. C. MOONEY, Druggist. L* Fayette, IL 1.. Oct. 12.1881. Gentlemen Allow me to say that niter using throe bottles of ALLEN’S LUNG BALSAM for a bmlattack of Bronchitis. I am entirely cured. I send this voluntarily. that those afflicted may be benefited. Yours respectfully, BURIULL H. DAVIS. J. N. HARRIS & CO. (Limited) Props. CINCINNATI, OHIO. FOR SALE by all MEDICINE DEALERS. A CLVIITQ WANTED forth* MISSOURI AurXlAlp, STEAM,WASHER! will pay any intelligent man or woman 4^* seeking profitable employment to write for Illustrated Circular and terms at ■UM'lc'GalvstAgency for this Celebrated Washer, RIW which by reneon of ita intrinsic merit a meeting with such wonderful suooom J,WORTH, CHICAGO. ILL., or ST. LOUIE, MO DON'T FORGET There is no infirmity so oppressive and burdensome to the human mind as that tired feeling of which so many complain on tho approach of serious disorders. The depression and despondency of spirit attendlngthis state are immeasurable. That constant drain that is taking from your system all its former elasticity, driving tho bloom from your cheeks; that continuod strain upon your vital forces, rendering you irritable and fretful. DON'T FORGET, all of those ailments can bo easily removed and permanently cured, by the use of HOPS i MALT BITTERS Recommended by physicians, ministers and nurses. I prescribe Ilopsand TI.AIZF llit-tei-N regularly in my praetico.—ROßEßT TURNER, M. D., Flat Rock, Mich. If you cannot get Hops nndMAI.T Hitterw of your druggist we will send it, express paid, on receipt of regu'ar prioo, $1 per bottle. We prefer that you buy it from your druggist: but if be has not got it, do not be persuaded to try something else, but order at once from us us directed, Do not get Hops and .VIA 1/1' HiltvvM confounded with other inferior preparations of similar name. Take nothing but Hops and MALT Hitter**. HOPS & MALT BITTERS CO., Detroit, Mich.

BUY NORTHERN CROWN SEEDS. JMHvVwte ».><■■ flower.. vegetables and Crops, than our reliable Northern Crown Bendat|AM| IzSCdKvftX All tested. Don’t buy woithleus Seeds when for less money ours are derivereu BY MAIL utyourdoor. Catalogue free. JOHN A. BALZER, Creeee, Wia. 1100,000 ROYAL PRESENTS 111 I . AXD A Zjon> Lioan cat ca XsOXiv Elate. fl THE publisher*of the Chicago Post and Conder desire te secure 100,000 subscribers. 87,1X0 more subscribers ucedtod before the Grand Distribution takes place, April 25,1885. For m cents wc will mall you our paper? month* on trial, and Immediately send you a numbered Receipt®! ■ w 1 en p ll6 .p‘ e holder io one of the following presents. All these presents will be given to M new 100,(XD subscribers. ■ i HI PARTIAL LIST OF PRESENTS TO BE GIVEN AWATI H 2° U.S. “»'»«’•• B*OQ each)lo V. S. Greentmckifll • 100 cash.lOO V. NGreen backs, «1O each I 1,000 eash Presente or Ml aacbf 1 (Jr® °P <ir Sr , **. < l'‘ b, “£ 1 t .2 r * an l 100 todies’Gold Wntfli.es, MAO CMC 111 loolg S?° Winding Ntekef-Case Watches, <JenU' Gold Chains, CZS eaeh) SO Ladles* Gold Bracelets, ®ls ench| IO Silver DtnKl »«“•• •*> ’ o fc’s PkriSr Furniture, isl $?* h ' , &00 a2?J ,d V. d MS eaeh) SOO Bet. Solid Hllver Teaspoons, «to a Bicycles. MOO each) 1 matched pair Trotting Horses, MI.OOOi 500 naira Ladles’ pl V ß ” ller Skates) and hundreds of other useful and valuable pfl| hcre - All the above presents will bo awarded In a fair antjj partial manner. Presents will be sent to any part of the United States or Canada. Every person sendiiSH St J™*, 1 ”'^5 cr, P tlo J , OUT P»P«c *• ««« Privileged to apply for a loan, to be made cnfl| n K T.nS Ja . l kotowed being permitted to remain unpaid as lone as the borrower 1,000 inches advertising. 12.50 pef'line, »15 per Inch, 24 l*.ue*m oooTtotal. Sl«8S). y WMStW t i Ople <’’ 24 Issues, 4200,000: editorial work, office, repairs, etc., 426,000; .IyWSSLjfIB 421 L esvl 2,F* net profit of *345.000. Forthit enormous profit for fn*Srnnortinn h 250.000 subscribers, for advertisers pay M n enh«ei<b™ t J~> n <Yl t . h bu J 28 ’ 000 circulation the profits would be but a tenth of the T2 I ™. » e ‘‘redolhg us a favor when they send us their names, we desire to return CONDITIONS: to be deductedfrom^mVuntlonn n ed IW Your > ?nd| t vfduaTn'ote r ?B alfthe security Tided you will send the names of several of your neighbors t- < ' to whom we can refer—not as to the amount of property vou ‘meyear after date, lor value are worth but as to your good character. Every subscriber Promise to ray to the order of the puMlshMgi must poitttnelv agree to show the paper and present to his a>.,rfr the sum 0f.... friendsand neighbors. When a loan is made, the adjoining wlflilpterest at * per mnt. per annum aft|M form of note will be sent with the money to the subscriber's maturity. It Is understood and agreed 900 GOLD WATCHES FREE I t oMdWL h .tt If" eend 50 cents you will be entitled to one receipt good for one preeent. and ■ ) If your letter Is among the first 900 received you will also be entitled to IV j H IMII We e wn t l ren5 0 . l nHnre l H.? he rTh tClll,O ? 0 y i,r “ 1 ‘‘ r ? erth, ‘ nth< ’P lctUre - I WKA Ma We will send a printed list of the awards, free, and all presents will bo ■ &v CIS. nsl forwarded to holders of receipts as they may direct. A list ■ r« of watch winners will be published tn our paper. The 50 H cents you send us is the regular price for 5 months, therefore L° u P *I nolll Y£ B furtho present. Subscribe at once. Don’t ■■■■NNH IIH waltaday. We wlllssndyou the paper 9 months and 2 num- WM Ijcredrecelntß good for a presetits, |f you gcnd u , 75 CCQti , Iga ana the paper will be mailed you 1 year and 3re- H 8 presenta. Get 5 friends to join vou and send 52.50* and we will send the paper fl months 1 numbered receipt for each of your subscribers and 1 extra for To°”ub7crfbere VIHi t « el JnS <> w f . Urt, l n r P°»tboncment. Send njSIMM lu flUDicrlbcrs, with tf>, and we will send you 12 subscrln- wttWlillillllil' 13-l 3 -. r « ece , l^ t V Tbl ’ '• good only W h " ve -m uID subscribers already, and flB require 87,000 more to have the desired number. Our old patrons ano subscribers, whom we number by lAou- WiMilai ■ aonds should go to work at once and help us Increase ES ; J'*V ■ ONLY 50 CENTS “ re » 0,,r paper o months on MV Its. I VW uunij trfi | and one reccfpt d f W ■ onepreseav A. to our reliability. w i to W ■ auy Bank or Mercantile Agency. Remember ' ? jSswS®Bn»kS'® ■ these » re presents to our subscribers, glr. nto them ■ lately free. Thts Is a chance of a lifetime, the trut noth- ■ wav to your /utwe fortune. Every subscriber gets a ■ m«V bey our 0 <f you wiU but itroteh B forth vour hand to receive It. It coats only 50 cents to try ■ teltfiOOtibU ymnotlUetltpeutr Postage stamps take{ ■ from places where a Postal Note can not Ge obtained. Remit by Poatal Kota, nlaln smvelim. < EAddreas_€hicag’oP<>stand Coarter, Merrtsffn>l4*g,Cor. Clark 8LandCalkeaa FlanajCMmSjilM'

teQk R. U. AWARE that Lorillard’s Climaz Plug wfciQaw hearing a red tin tao ; that Lorillard’a „ —„ Rose Leaf line cub; that Lorillard’a Clippings, and that Lorillard’a Snufls, are tbe best and cheapest, quality considered ? '■ — 1 ' ' * . ■ HAGAN’S Magnolia Balm is a secret aid to beauty. Many a lady owes her freshness to it, who would rather not tell, can't tell.

••MARYLAND, MY MARYLAND.” | • • • "Pretty Wivee, I Lovely daughters, and noble men.' I "My farm lies in a rather low and mini mafic situation, and I “My wife!" I "Who?" “Was a very pretty blonde!” I Twenty years ago, became I "Sallow!” I “Hollow-eyed!" I “Withered and aged!” I Before her time, from I “Malarial vapors, though she made no paa ti color complaint, not being of the grumfl kind, yet causing me great uneasiness. I “A short time ago I purchased your retfl edy for one of the children, who had a vtfl severe attack of biliousness, and it occurrfl to me that the remedy might help my wifl as I found that our little girl upon reeovefl had “Lost!” I “Her sallowness, and looked as fresh afl new-blown daisy. Well, the story is soew told. My wife to-day has gained her olfl time beauty with compound interest, and I now as handsome a matron (if I do say I myself) as can be found in this countffi which is noted for pretty women. Andi have only Hop Hitters to thank for it. I “The dear creature just looked over isl shoulder and says, ‘I can flatter equal to tfl days of our courtship,’ and that reminds Isl that there might be more pretty wwefffl my brother farmers would do us I hafl done. ” ■ Hoping you may long be spared to fl good I thankfully remain. I O. L. JAMEftfl Beltsville, Prince George Co., Md.fl May 26th, 1883. I tOT None genuine without a bunch of grfl Hops on the white label. Shnn.all thevire, pofl ©nous stnfT with “Hon" or "Hors"tn their m. -w. iSttktsjSlm Wayne, Du Pago Co., Illinois. ■ HAS IMPORTED FROM FRANCKfI Peraheron Uorseo valued nt fl which Inelude. ■ 15 PER CENT OF ALL HORSfI Whose pnrity of blood la established by thelrpedigrifl recorded in the BTUI» BOOKS OF FRANCE,fI EVER IMPORTED TO AMEIMOA. E STOCK OK UANfI 180 fl nportedßroodKufl fl <3O U Imported Stalllifl Old enough for fl eervloe, fl 100 COLT® Two year* old dfl younger. fl ecogniring th. ptfl plo aocepted by fl (Agent breedora tnfl rer well bred nmmfl i eaid to be. if thfl nnot beanthenthfafl kiven, they should bo valued only nagradee, 1 will eeilfl Imported Stock at Grade Price* when I cannot fnrnfl with tbo animal aold pediirree verified by.the or'gljM Vronch certlflceto ot |fa number and record in thefflfl hook in Fnoica, .140 I’ngo CaUlogunlient tno. Isl Illustrated with Bix I'rfro Horseaot tnn Exhibition of fl Jociete Jlippique Percheronne of Fiance, 1884, nfl oh seed by M. W. Dunham and drawn from life by RM Bunheur. tliamostfamo"" <‘f »» sulmalsalntore. fl CONSUMPTION! use thousamiaof caaoaot the worst kind and al fofl standing have been cured. Indeed, • oat nmfffs myf®M in its efficacy, that I will send TWO BOTTLES together with a VA LUA BT.B THE ATISS On thia diMufl to any sufferer. Clvnoxnresa and PO. nddr as. M Dll. T. A. BttxJUM, >ll Tear!St., Now Totfl

C-N.U. No. U’HI N WRITING TO ADVERTISIS VV please say you saw the advertisezß in this paper. >■ —— FOR ■ Man and Beast.l Mustang Liniment is older most men, and used more aB more every year. fl . . ' r' l I , I .