Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 February 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A sleepy man is a nod fellow. Tub little god of love is an arrowminded fellow. Wiiex it is written “D. D.” it stands for Doctor of Divinity; but when it is put in this fashion, d d, it stands for something divergently different.— Carl Pretzel's Weekly. A Mexican who has money to lend can get 21 per cent, interest. This looks like usury at first glance, but, as the borrower is liable to bo shot almost any day as a conspirator, the lender never feels solid. “O, dear!" yawned a little boy after he had returned from church, “I don’t wonder the world is so full of wickedness.” “Whyeo?” asked his astonished mother. “ ’Cause God pioked out such a tedious day for Sunday.” “Do you doubt me honor, sir?” 6aid Alderman Mulvaney to Alderman Rorke. “Bah! ye make me tired,” said Rorke. “Give us something tangible to hang a doubt on.” He got it. Mulvaney gave him a black eye that was tangible enough to hang an overcoat on. — Texas Siftings. “My dear boy,” said tho gray-haired old man, placing his hand on the young attorney’s shoulder -and looking him kindly in the eye, “don’t get discouraged; there’s always room at the top.” “Ye 3 replied the promising young lawyer, “I got on to that fact the first time I stopped at a hotel. ’’ • Doctor —“ You see, wifey dear, I have pulled my patient through, after all; a very criti -al case, I can tell you!” His Wife—“ Yes, dear hubby; but theu you aro so clever in your profession. Ah! if I had only known you five years earlier, I feel certain my first husband —my poor Thomas—would have been saved!” gossip’s exaggeration. There was an old lady in Danbury Made a meal enthe h ilt of a cranberry, But t :e story it grew. And the first thing she know, From a half to a few It was state l as true— Then a ca lon—then two. Till old Mrs. IVlcKew To A the news as if true. That a Mis. Bellew Ate a wonderful stew Of a ton of cranberries in Danbury. Mrs. Blank— “ You must not mind baby’s being cross, dear. He is cutting teeth.” Mr. Blank—“ ‘He is cutting teeth.’ What an expression." “It is the commonest kind of an expression. Isn’t it right?” “Certainly not, my love. It is incorrect.” “Nonsense! How can it be ?” “Because baby is not cutting teeth. If he were he would not cry.” “Well, what should I say?” “ ‘Teeth are cutting the baby.’ That’s why he howls.” the retort. Old Birch, who taught the village school. Wedded a maid of homespun habit; He w-s as .--tub Dora as a mule, And she playful as a rabbit. Poor Kate.had so .rco become a wife Before her husband sought to make her The pink of polished country lite. And pi':m and formal as a Quaker. One day the tutor went abroad. And simple Katy sadly missed him; When he returned, b hind her lord She shyly stole and fondly kissed him. The husband's anger rose, and red . And white his face alternate grew; ' “Less freailorn, ma’am!” Kate sighed, and said, "O, dear, 1 didn’t know 'twas you.” —Fhuaae.iiltici Call. “What are you going to do with that ?” asked a gentleman upon entering his room and finding a negro with his coat. “Dis coat?” “Yes, that coat.” “Wall, I ain’t goin’ ter do nothin’ wid dis coat. Thought dar wuz suthin’ wrong.” “There is something wrong.” You are in the wrong place, and I want you to get out.” “Ain’t ver gwinter ’ploy me no mo’ ?” “N o, I am not. ” “Dat’s whut er man gets fur bein’ so kereful. Hadn’t ar been fur me yer wouldn’t er had no clothes.” “How so ?” “ ’Case I could er stole ’em es I had er wanted ter; dat’s how so.” “I believe you did steal my vest.” “Didn’t do nothin’ o’ the kin’.” “I believe you did steal that gray vest, for it disappeared shortly after you came.” “It Wuz de black vest, sab. White man’s so reckless wid de truf yer kan put no confordence in him.” Arkansaw Traveler.