Democratic Sentinel, Volume 9, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 January 1885 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The pripo of wi-iting paper is going np. We'always thought it was station ery. American young ladies who have been abroad as -ert that it is dreadfully hard to find an honest Cou i, Frooleo croquets are a late thing at fashionable restaurants. There will be many a craok ate in this way. “Mr. Smith, do you dye yonr hair ?” asked the small boy. ' “No; why do you think so?” “O, I -dnnno, only "it’s black, and sister said she reckoned you was bom light-headed.” Too cautious: He—l am going to take away a "bottle of salt-water as a memento of this watering-place. She —But don’t fill it too full, or it will slop over on us when the tide comes in. American renovators now undertake to repair garments and sew on buttons. An unmarried man can now meet a Vassar College girl daring leap-year without dodging into a barber-shop. “Is it cold up your way?” was asked of a man from fifty miles north of St. Paul. “Well, I should say it was. We had to give the stove four doses of quinine yesterday to keep it froin shaking the lids off. ” “Can you tell me; sir, ” asked a young lady at a book shop, “in what order Thackeray wrote his books?” “No, lady,” replied the gentlemanly salesgentleman; “but, don’t yer know, I guess it was in order to make money. ”

NO LONGER. No longer does the"boy In slxady brooklets swim. Nor seeks the maiden coy The goldeqrod so prim. He to his sorrow learns The way to back; She simply sits and yearns For that lovely sealskin saoque. A lover thus wrote to his sweetheart, whose name was Bain: Whilst shivering beaux at mothers rail. Of frost and snow, and wind and hail. And heat and cold complain, My steadier mind is alwltys bent * On one side object of content, I ever wish for rain! Hymen, thy votary’s prayers attend. His anxious hope and suit befriend. Let him not aßk in vain: His thirsty soul, his parched estate. His glowing breast commiserate. In pity give him rain I

He considered it a parental duty to see that his daughter kept only tho very best - marriageable company. “Mary,” said her father, “you have been going with that Mitchell fellow for more than a year now. This courtship must come to a termination.” “O, pa, how can you talk so? He is, O, so sweet and nice.” “Ah,” and the fond father arched his eyebrows. “Sweet and nice, eh ? Has he proposed ?” “Well, pa, not exactly,” and the girl hung her head down and fingered tho drapery on her dress. “He didn’t exactly propose, but, then last evening, when we were out walking, we- passeij by a nice little house, and he said, * That’s the kind of a cottage I am going to live in some day,’ and I said, ‘Yes,’ and then he glancedat me and squeezed my hand. Then just as we got by I glanced back at the house, and —and— I squeezed his hand, pa.” “O, ah, I see. Well, we’ll try him another week or two.”

THE OLE> GOLDEN DUCAT.. How dear to- his heart Is that yellow-backed bank- book His busted condition recalls to his view. The pages all dog-eared; the general lank look; The money has left it save ducats but two! ‘ Ah, many’s the time he has drawn from Its pages And spreed with the principal;, interest as well! But now there Is left him in long r after ages Two old golden ducats that cling to .the Bwell. Those bilious old ducats, those olipt-edged ducats, Those old. golden ducats that cling to the swell. —Life.