Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 November 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The diamond pin of the Wall street broker is Being worn this summer by ; the wife of the pawnbroker. “I’ll treat you to a mug of half-and-half," said the pugilist, as he struck ; the other fellow in the face, making it black and blue. The wife of a preacher in Georgia takes turns with him in preaching. ■When his parishioners see the old gentleman digging worms in the back-yard they know that it is his day off A cyclone in Kansas carried away a bank building, but, as the cashier had departed in an opposite direction the day before, it wasn’t thought worth while to hunt alter the bank. A juvenile inquirer was looking at some of those pictures of angels in which only heads and wings are visible, and, after a few minutes’ reflection, he gave voice to his thoughts as follows: “Well, mamma, how do they sit down?” —Savannah News. “How abe- times with you ?" asked an old resident of Austin of a colored barber. “I nebber seed ’em so bad, boss.” “You don’t have much to do?” “I reckon not, boss. Times am so hard dat outer ten men, eleben don’t get shabed at all, and all de rest shabes ’emselves.”— Texas Siftings. “I hear you’ve had a promotion. Glad t® hear of your good luck. ” “Good luck! You don’t call it good inck to be taken into partnership, do you?” “Well, yes, I should think so. It gives a man a better chance to accumulate a fortune.” “Not when he was cashier in the first place. ” “Tot,” said Blossom, “have you ever been baptized?” “Yeth, I have been baptithed. I remember all about it.” “Do you?” said Blossom. “Did the minister put water on youp head, like he did on Baby Johnnie’s ?”. “No-o-o,” said Tot; “the doctor he jutht scratched my arm and rubbed something on it. It didn’t hurt a bit.” In the shop of a boulevard pastry cook in Paris a young masher questioned the freshness. of a tart. The shopkeeper was touched to the quick, and remarked severely: “I made tarts, yqung man, a good while before you were born.” “I don’t doubt it,” was the reply, “and this must he one of them.” A popular London comedian had in his service a short time since a servant whom he had taken, out of charity, from- the work-house. One day she was yery insolent to her mistress, whereupon" the comedian told her that if it occurred again he should certainly send her back to the place whence she came. “I there,” she replied, “on any account. If the worst’ comes to the worst, I’ll go on the stage.” Jones —“Ha! ha! Life will now be worth living. I might show this item of new»4o'my next-door neighbor. He can’t fail to take the hint. * The paper says sonle genius has invented ‘ noiseless violins for- practice,’ and they are already on sale.” Smith (wearily}— “That won’t help mo any. I’ve gofto have my sleep broken until a greater bobii to humanity appears.” Jones—“Why,wliat could be a greater boon to r humanity than noiseless musical instruments?” Smith (mopping his throbbing temples)—“Noiseless babies.” narrow escape. "Ami so you are going, you tell me. io-.t orroV? I’ll,miss you so much, Mr. Brown; But the world, as you know, is o’erflowing with i-orrow They tell me It’s very lively in town; I’m sorry you re off; good by; thank you kindly For reading me all those book.” (He didn’t propose, as I thought he would, blindly; He’s not such a fool as he looks.) “Qh, yes. It Is true; lam g’oing to-morrow; Good-night and good-by. Miss Grace; And there's always a bane for the world of sorrow ~ In thinking of your fair face. Ah, me, but these partings are sad beyond reason 1 Don’t laugh—it isn’t- a- tear. ” (I’m hanged if I come to this place next season— I've had a close shave this year.)