Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 October 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

It was a Massachusetts jury that rendered the verdict: “Died by the hereditary visitation of God.” The man had broken his neck when drunk, ! and a similar mishap had befallen his I grandfather. Gimlet— “By the way, I was misj taken about Oleson.” Auger—“ln what ! particular?” Gimlet—“ You recollect I said he was a Swedenßorgian.” Augur —“Yes.” Gimlet—“ Well, he’s a Norwegian.” Mbs. Classical, who has experienced j the pleasures of the sea, wonders if j they are ever seasick when crossing the ! Styx. If they are, she says she would rather live forever than attempt the passage. Passenger— “ Here, porter, take this | thing away.” Sleeping-car Porter—- “ Why, sah, that’s a pillow.” “A pillow! This little thing?” “Why, yes, sah. What did you ’spect it was?” “I | thought it was a poultice.” The young man from the country and his girl were drifting slowly into an icecream saloon when the following met his eye: “Vanilla, chocolate, lemon, and strawberry ice-cream, $1.50 per gal.” He turned and fled. Wife (anxiousljO—“What did that young lady observe who passed us just now ?” Husband (with a smile of calm delight)—“Why, my love, she observed rather a good-looking man walking with quite an elderly female: that’s all. Ahem!” “Mary,” said Mrs. Sharply to her maid, “you really must put some sort of a dish out on the step to hold the ice, so there won’t be a puddle of water left there every morning. ” “ What dish shall I use, mum?” “Anything would do. Suppose you use a teacup.” “No,” said the housemaid. “I don’t apologize to a man when I throw a bucket of water down the front steps to wash ’em, and he comes along and gets drenched. I’ve tried apologizing, but I’ve found there’s nothing you can say to a man will satisfy him.” Wife —“ What are you dreaming of, John?” John (a New/York cashier) — “I was not dreaming, I guess.” “0, yes, you were in a regular day dream. Were you thinking of your castles in Spain?” “Well, no! The fact is, I was wondering about the price of castles in Canada.” She —“ You say he couldn’t straddle the blind?” He—“ Yes.” She—“ What was the matter? Was the blind too wide for him?” He—“ No.” She—- “ Was it a defect in his legs?” He—- “ No. I believe the defect was in his hand.” —New York Graphic, At the club: Young de Philltoddle (to friend) —“Do you know that poor Gabbleton has lost his mind?” Friend —“lndeed! He is to be congratulated.” Y'ouug de Pliilltoddle —“Congratulated! How so?” Friend —“It was the general impression that he had none to lose; but now he has corrected that error. ” /‘George,” said a South Side girl to her beau the other night, “here is a piece in the paper headed ‘Kismet.’ What does kismet mean?” “The word must be pronounced with the t silent, Nettie,” replied George. “Why, that would be ‘kiss me,” said Nettie. “With the greatest pleasure, ” replied George. And he did. Inquisitive Boy— What do editors have posts for, pa? Do they kave to be hitched up like horses ? Pa—Posts ? They don’t have posts, my son, although some of them ought to be hitched up undoubtedly. What makes you ask such a queer question. I. B.—Why, I have seen in lots of papers where it said the editor of this paper is absent from his post. Pa—A mere figure of speech, my boy, meaning liis office or desk.