Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 September 1884 — Stopped Off at Niagara Falls. [ARTICLE]

Stopped Off at Niagara Falls.

A man, seemingly about 60 years of age, was telling the people in the waiting rooms at the depot that he had been East to old Massachusetts to see his sisters, and that on the way back he stopped off at Niagara Falls. “That’s a place I never saw,” remarked a woman with a poke-bonnet on. “You didn’t! Well, you’ve missed the awfullest sight on earth! I was jest stunned.” “What is it like ?” she asked. “Well, there’s a river, and the falls, and lots of hotels, and several Injuns, and the bridle veil, and land only knows what else. If my old woman bad a-been along she’d have wilted right down. ” “There’s water there, I suppose ?” “Oh, heaps of it. It pours, and thunders, and roars, and foams, and humps around in the terriblest manner. You have bit on a shirt-button in a piece of pie, haven’t you?” “No, sir.” “Well, the feeling was about the same —kinder shivery. Why, the biggest man that ever lived ain’t half as big as Niagara Falls! Let him stand thar and see that ’ere water tumbling over them ’ere rocks and he can’t help but feel what a miserable boss fly he is. You’ve fallen out o’ bed haven’t you?” “No, sir.” “Well, it’s about the same thing, you wake up and find yourself on the floor, and you feel as if you had been stealin’ sheep or robbin’ blind men. ” “What portion of the falls did you most admire ?” she asked. “The water, mum,” he promptly replied. “If you’d put 10,000 kegs of beer on the roof of this building and set them all running, they couldn’t begin with Niagara. It’s the terriblest, appallingest thing ever patented.” “Cost you much?” inquired a gentleman. “ ’Bout 65 cents. It’s pooty tight times, and 65 cents don’t grow on every bush, but I ain’t sonry. It’s sunthin’ to talk about for twenty years to come. There’s a chap in our town who used to travel with a circus, but he’ll have to take a back seat when I git home. Flipfloppin’ around in a circus don’t begin with Niagara Falls.” “So, on the whole, you were pleased, eh?” “Pleased! Why, I was tickled half to death! I tell you, if I had one on my farm I wouldn’t sell it for no SSO in cash! I’ve looked into a field whar’ 750 fat hogs was waitin’ to be sold for solid money, but it was no sich sight as the Falls. I’ve seen bams afire, and eight hosses runnin’ away, and the Wabash River on a tear, but for downright appalling grandeur of the terriblest kind gim me one look at the Falls. You all orter go thar’. You can’t half appreciate it ’till you’ve gazed on the rumpus.” —Detroit Free Press.