Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 August 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

“This is fun!" ironically yelled an angry man who sat on a tack. It was more likely sat-ire. Breakfast table. The girls in Brittany are not allowed o sell their hair. In this country the girls don’t have to, as it’s a sell itself. — da trloo Observer. The hog may not be thoroughly posted in arithmetic, but when yon ome down to square root, he is there jvery time.— Chicago Sun. Gibus shouldn’t whistle. It reveals to the young men that tney have wind nough to make excellent scolds.— Philadelphia Chronic e Herald. A Vermont editor, in publishing one of Byron’s poems, changed the words ■‘O gods!” to "O go.sh!” because the. former was too profane for his readers. Mary Ellen Chase says “there will i>e three women to one man in heaven. ” Tnen there will be two women out of every three that will be almighty lonesome. “Used you pretty rough, didn’t he?” remarked a sympathizing bystander to the man who had ,ust got an awful licking. “Well, no,” replied t..e subdued one, “I thought lie polished me on very nicely.”— Burdeite. “Alonzo, dear, do you believe in ghosts?” she asked, dreamily. “No, lariing, Ido not,” he replied. “Well, Alonzo, that ghosts tosliowyqru are not -.uperst.tioils.” Then they'fell into a iweet, calm sleep. tarl PretzeVs tVeekly. “Why do they always paint angels as blondes?” asked Mrs. jurank oi her lusbaud, as they stood looking at a picture in the art gallery. “Be ause,” mswered Mr. K., looking at his wi.e’s uair, “artists’ wives are, g nerally brunettes. ” There is a frigidity iu the atmosphere about the Krank mansion now .--Peck’s Sun. A w hite squall caught a party of tourists moving across a lake in Scotland, and. threatened to capsize the ooat. Wh4n it seemed that the crisis was come, the largest and physically strongest of the party, in a state of intense fear, said: “Let us pray.” “No, 10, my man,” shouted tue bluff old boatman;, “let that Lttle man pray; you take an oar.” “D D you atrest that fellow I put you on to?” asked a grocery keeper of a policeman. “Yes, and “ti e Judge u iied him.” “Was he found guilty?” “Yes.” “What did he do?” “Paid the penalty, of course.” “What was it?” “Workhouse for thirty days.” “Well, t’s a good thing it wasn t a grooery bill >r be would have hung before he paid it. I know the snoozer.” — Merchant Traveler.

Mabel —“Do you try to observe the crolden rule, Mr. Nicefellow?” Nicefellow “Yes, indeed. D.> you?” Mabel—“ Yes; I always try to do as I would be done by.” Nicefellow—“That is the right spirit.” Mabel—“ But I sometimes fail. If I wre to try I should fail now.” Nicefellow n;eed. Why ??■. Mabel—“l am not tall enough to reach.” No cards. 1 “Now, brudders an’ sistahs, I will now take up a collection fur de preacher,” said the colored minister to his congregation, “an’ I ’spec fully adwise you ter not put no buttons in de counerbution hat, as I is goiu’ roun’ myself, an’ will take a list of de button membabs of dis congregation an’ make dem le subjec’ ob my sermon de naix meetin’. Close dafc doah da.”— Kentucky State Journal. Mormon papers are trying to prove that the Book of Mormon is true by publishing affidavits. They will have o get affidavits outside of Mormondom if they want to make an appearance of truth, for that commod.ty is not in their society. If they could only get the Angel Gabriel to do a little swearing for them there would be some hope. Maybe the gentleman in bla k has already affixed his autograph to “one of them there happy da vide.”— Peck’s Sun. for man’s delusion givhh. Thcs? tr rls arc all a wicked show. For m m’s delusion given. The r s.niles of jov an l tears of wmo Deceitful shine, deceitful Low. Not one is true in seven. They love you for a little while. And tell you nm-ht shall sunder Two loving h;a is; then full ot guile, Ba t otl ers with their wit liing snide. And you may goto thunder. —Chicayo Sun.