Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 August 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A Bios of approaching spring —% bent pin upon a chair about to be occupied.—The Judge. As honest, conscientious politician Is the hardest thing to find among all of- the “noblest works.” —Gouvemeur Herald. "Mr father Is wflllnf,” a Paris girt wrote, ‘That yon for my love make pursuit; But be careful, dear John, when you Rive him your note. For he always wants something to boot’ —Paris Beacon. It is asserted on high authority that the most of the game had at club suppers is poker. This may account for the big expense some men complain of after attending a game supper.— Peck's Sun. A disconsolate looking tramp picked up a spectacle case, which was lying on the sidewalk. “I am in luok,” remarked the seedy party to himself; “all I need now is to find a pair of spectacles to fit the case, and lose my eyesight and then lam fixed.”— Texas Siftings. The first Selectman of a town near Boston was lamenting the inferiority of public men. “The great men,” he exclaimed, “are all dead. Washington is dead, Jefferson it dead, and so are Jackson and Clay and Webster, all gone, and— ahem—l don’t feel very well myself!” IN SACKCLOTH AND ASHES. Into my life three years ago She came and took a place None else coaid fill. Her step was slow And full ot gentlest grace. Beneath the ash they laid her; I have not smiled since that Sad day that death b trayed her, My own dear —pussy cat. —Cincinnati Ji’eics Journal. “I hope,” she said to the new boy in school, “that you do not indulge in the wicked and filthy habit of smoking cigars?” “Naw,” replied the new boy in a burst of proud disdain, “gimme a clay pipe and some niggeihead tobacco when you want me to enjoy comfort. None o’ your fancy smokes for me.” And then she knew that the new boy used to clerk on a raft.— Burdette. He was a young lawyer and was delivering his maiden speech. Like most young lawyers, he was florid, rhetorical, scattering, and windy. For four weary hours he talked at the court and the jury, until everybody felt like lynching him. When he got through, his opponent, a grizzled old profess.onal, arose, looked sweetly at the Judge, and said: “Your Honor, I will follow the example of my young friend who has just finished, and submit the case without argument.” Then he sat down, and the silence was large and oppressive.

An exchange gives an account of an editor found dead in a bath-tub. This is indeed a remarkable place to find an editor; dead or alive. How in the world did the editor come to stray into such an out-of-the-way place and be in his right mind ? There are several ways to account for this. He may have been laboring under a temporary attack of mental aberration when he strayed into the tub, and recovering his senses before he had got out of the place, realized his terrible situation and was frightened to death. However, the story is doubted on account of the unusual and unreasonable position in which it is claimed the editor was found.— Peck’s Sun. ‘‘What’s the matter, Slipity?” asked a friend, as the person addressed approached, with the impression of five finger-nails on each jaw, with his hat off, cooling his head, that resembled a half-picked fowl. “Nothing much.” he answered, trying to smile; “just a little domestic cyclone.” “Whatcaused it?” “Well, you see, at breakfast my wife asked me what I thought would be the next thing to heaven.” “And I remarked that I thought my mother-in-law was the next thing to heaven. She wanted to know why, looking awful pleased, and I told her because I didn’t think my mother-in-law would ever get to heaven, and, consequently, she would be the next thfcig to that place. Then the air got sorter tangled up with finger-nails, hair, and me, and I thought best to come out and cool off.”— Atlanta Constitution.