Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 July 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Companions in arms— twins. The woman’s cause —beciuso. Fab-in affairs—artesian wells. A new way to pay old debts—liquidate them.— Carl PrelzeYs Weekly. “Young man,” said the landlord, “I always eat the cheese rind.” And the —boarder replied: “Just so; I am leaving i£is for yon.” Here I sent $ { to this man for an infallible remedy for my red nose, and he advises me to go on* dunking zutil it turns purple.— Texas Siftings. A man has been arrested in London for simply laying up something for a rainy day. In his roo u over nine hundred umbrellas were dis .overei. The Mayor of a certain town in Maine receives the princely salary of $1 a year. It is just such salaries as this that cause the American people to be a nation of office-seekers.— Paris Beacon. “No, sib,” said the worldly young man to the life-insurance agent, “I don’t feel prepared to have my life insured just yet. I do not care to feel that I would.be worth more dead than I am alive. ” “Thebe’s one thing about me,” said young Fastboy, “that is always on time.” “I know,” said his friend, “your clothes.” And Fastboy said that wasn’t just what'he was going to say, but it was true, nevertheless. A ihieimng young Pittsburg dentist has eloped with the daughter of a Philadelphia nabob, and all the laugh-ing-gas ever used by the new son-in-law wouldn’t create the’ghost of a smile on the old gentleman’s countenance. The reason farm hands are so scarce can be accounted so in the fact that a man can’t get a moment’s rest on the barbed wire fences now in use. The old rail fence offered some inducement to a man to engage on a farm, but this barbed wire business don’t give a man any show at all.— Peck's Sun.

“No, mv son. prize-fighters never go to war. They know that a cann.m ball, bent upon knocking a man out in one round, doesn’t stop and go back to its own corner merely be<ause the man lies down. You never hear of a prizefighter fighting anywhere unless there is lots of gate money behind the fight.” —Burlington Haw key e. Congressman—“ What is that, sir?” Waiter—“ That is a small bottle of whisky, sab, and a glass of watah, sab.”’ Congressman—“l did not order it.” Waiter—“No, sab; I thought you might want it.” Congressman (angrily)— “What I want I will order.” Waiter—- “ All right, s«h; beg pardon. Will remove it at once, sail. ” Waiter throws out the water. —Philadelphia Call .A Thilalelphia man is exhibiting a rat-killing sheep. A sheep that will grow a good fleece of wool and at the same time go into the rat-exterminat-ing business must indeed be an improvement on the usual run of wool aud mutton resources. If the breed can be propagated it will soon take the place of the dog, which now, judging from reports, seems busily engaged in killing sheep. This may be the cause of dogs raiding sheep ranches and killing off the sheep, fearing that an anti-dog movement may be inaugurated if ratrkiiling sheep become common— Peck's Sun.

It was a dark and stormy night on the seething bosom of the Atlantic. The noble vessel ploughed her way through the writhing billows like a great monster of sentient life. Heavy waves dashed over her bow, and, surging aft, carried the hole of the larboard hawserpipe abaft the main hatch of the starboard gasket. But Admiral Gould stood undismayed upon the bridge, in cool and collected accents directing the labors of the frightened seamen. “Ease her a little!” he cried to the man at the wheel. “Take a reef in Erie 2ds, lower the fore topgallant and run a spanker boom on Wabash. So. Now she takes it.” At this moment the captain of the larboard watch advanced and said, with a pallid faoe, “Sir, there’s ten foot of water in the hold.” “It ain’t enough,” cried the Admiral. “Break a hole abaft the poop. She’ll stand more water than that, and I know it. ” —Pitts burg h Telegraph.