Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 July 1884 — The Coming Man. [ARTICLE]

The Coming Man.

“De cornin' man hasn’t come yet,” said Brother Gardner. “No, gem’len, de cornin’ man hasn’t arrove in dis kentry yet, an’ if de rhenmatics keeps on boderin’ me I can’t expect to be on airth when he gets heah, an’ take him by the han’ an’ tell him how powerful glad lis to see him. But some of our chill’en may lib to see him, an’ dar will be sioh a celebrashun as no Eo’th of Jnly kin hold a candle to. “De cornin’ man, my friends, will go to Congress unpledged an’ come home unbribed, an’ widout f .-ar of meetin’ de people who sent him dar. “De cornin’ man will be ’lected State, County, or City Treasurer, an’ when his term has expired his books will balance an’ his accounts will be squar* to a cent. “De cornin’ man will have a reverence fur de Constitnshnn of de Union an’ a respect fur de laws of his own State. “De cornin’ man will look sternly npon embezzlement, bribery, an' all sorts of fraud, an’ he wdl take a sqnar’ stand upon an honest polytical platform. “If de cornin’ man should happen to be ’lected to de Common Conncil.de people of dat city would h’ar such a rattlin’ an’ shakin’ of dry bones dat de music of ten brass bands oouldn’t drown de noise.

“As I menshuned befo’, de cornin’ man hasn’t got heah yet, an’ when I pick up de daily paper an’ scan de daily record of crime I can’t help but feel dat de hero will find sich a job laid out far him dat he will go down into his butes an’ nebber be seen nor heard of again. “While I don’t want to occupy de waluable time of dis meetin’ ober an hour an’ a-half furder, I feel it my dooty to remark dat dis Lime-Kiln Club isn’t gwine to wait fur any cornin’ man to come. De Committee on Finance am gwine to look into our lodge safe once a week all freu de y’ar, an’ if de money dean’ tally wid the Secretary’s Aggers a cyclone will begin to circle. Whde de janitor of dis club am only allowed to handle 17 cents per week, de fust time he makes seven an* five count up thirteen he will be missed from his accustomed paths. “While dar am naterally a fraternal feel in’ in a lodge of dis sort, dat feelm’ must chop squar’ off when a brudder member am seen promenadin’ down to db stashnn in company wid a puxleeceman. Love one anoder, but return borrowed money exactly when you promise. Stan’ by a member in distress, but let him know dat as soon as he gits well he will be expected to airn his own meat an’ ’taters afr’ fiah-wood. Anticipate a reduckshun in house-rent, but doan’ move out in de night owin’ de landlord back rent. Be obleegin’, but when a man returns your coffy-mill minus de handle an’ boas cog-wheels doan’ fail to drap a hint dat it would be less trubble fur him to drink tea or pound his coffee in a rag."— Lime-Kiln Club Papers.