Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 July 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

No man ever made an ill figure wh< understood his own talents, nor a goo<j one who mistook them. Some one asks: “How long is a mar a bridegroom?” Not very long. Ini majority of cases he becomes “short* before the wedding tour ends.—Norristown Herald. “Is this a singing doll?” asked sh< of the clerk. “Yes, Mademoiselle. * “How do you make it sing?” “Just a* you would any other young ladv.* “How is that?” “By pressing it." “O !” “Do you paint yet?” asked an old friend of a feminine artist, whom she had not seen for many years. “Yes,” was the answer, “I sti lpa nt. I paint the children red and put it on with my slipper.” “So Miss Skimps and Mr. Limbs are to get married. Well, I declare! That aged couple. And she is old enough to be ha mother.” “Indeed she is. And as for him—why, he’s old enough to be her father.” THE SLAM OF LIFE. Tell me not in mournful numbers "Life is but an empy dre; m:“ If you eat, p-ay, two cu umbers, Things will be just what they seem. —Chattanooga People’s Paper. We wrote that “all the windows in a certain dusty village looked as if thCy needed washing.” The printers set it up “all the widows.” A sco.eormoreof letters came “in haste, ” “stop my paper. ” —Nashville World. An Arkansas Grand Jury has indicted a Justice of the Peace for attempting to play on a clarionet. This will for a time satisfy the country that the Grand Jury system is not an entire failure.—Arkansaw Traveler. PURE WOMAN’S LOVE. ■Woman’s greatest beauty is lore; ’Tis tested, oft-times shaken; If nourished, like a rose it b.ooms. But withers if forsaken. Then blest is he by wi.om ’tis nursed— By God ’twos made and given; There is no greater beauty than l use woman's love—\ia heaven. —Philadelphia Call. HER STRONGHOLD WAS TAFFY. She had no wealth of flowing tresses; She had no wondrous store of tin; Her hair and purse, tae bard confesses, Were rather thin. You wonder, then, what was her dower? Well, I will try to ted you briefly; It was her taffy-giving power, Foremost and chiefly. —Harvard Lampoon The hour was twilight, and as the luster of the stars grew brighter in the gathering darkness he pressed his lips to the forehead of the beautiful woman who stood beside him and said tenderly; “When will you consent to name the day of our union, darling—to let the wings of my imagination rest ?” She answered,nestling her cheek against his shoulder: “When you have had your life insured, dearest, and made me a present of the policy.” A merchant in Berlin, having fallen in love with an opera singer, purchased two dresses and sent them to her to make her choice, saying he would call to know her decision. Shortly, however, before the hour he had intended to set out on his errand, the merchant received from his beloved a biliet doux to the following effect: “Of the dresses you have sent I I ke one quite as well as the other. I will, in fact, keep both, so that you have no need to call.” Visitor “You should know the Simpkinses. They are such cultivated people and have no end of wealth. They winter every year in the south of Europe.” Hostess—“l must, indeed. They can tell me the most desirable places for us to spend the winters hereafter.” Visitor—“ And do you think of gofng abroad?” Hostess—“Oh, yes I You see, it don’t matter much where we live now, as my husband has retired from business, and I thought a few winters in Europe, varied by an occasional tour around the world, would —” Hostess’ Daughter (opening the door) — “Ma, here is the butcher’s boy again with that same horrid old bill. Shall I tell him yofi’re not in again, like the last time?”— Exchange.