Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 June 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The disease of the meter—gas trick fever.— OU City Derrick. Noble sentiment by a Washington department clerk: “Let me but draw the nation’s salary, and I care not who does its work.— Boston Globe. “ I'M very matter-of-fact,* she cried. To a handsome bachelor at her side — “An angel without wings. “ Oh, certainly yes," the wretch replied. For it is acknowledged tar and wide That facts are stubborn things.* Thebe is something heroic in silent suffering. Thongh a man with a layer of active and energetic mustard on his chest rarely thinks of this.— Bock land Courier-Gazette. “Your husband is a staid man, now, is he not ?” asked a former schoolmate of her friend, who had married a man rather noted for his fast habits. “I think so,” was the reply; “he staid out very late last night.” Neveb say to an objectionable acquaintance : “Come in and see me some time.” Some time means any time, and he may come when you least expect him. It is better to name some time; then you can take the precaution to be out when he calls.— Boston Transcript. “You ought to be a very rich man,” said a busy working man to a lubberly loafer, who sat on a dry-goods box whistling “Peek-a-Boo,” and carving his initials in the soft pine wood. “ Why so ?” inquired the whistler. “Because, you know time is money, and you have such a tremendous surplus of time. ” Chattanooga People’s Paper. A young lady can have a District Telegraph boy wait for her at the church door and carry her prayer-book home on Sunday mornings. She need not depend upon the regulation churchdoor dude, who is apt to sleep on «his watch, and allow flies to go down his throat while his mouth is open.— New Orleans Picayune. A Bismarck young man told an old maid she was a “matchless woman," and she smiled so sweetly over the compliment that her mouth stretched to its utmost capacity. After he had gone, it occurred to her that there was another meaning to the expression, and the next time that young man calls there will be a sickening tragedy to record.— Bismarck Tribune.

It does look suspicious when a drug firm gives a package of* cucumber seed with every dime’s worth of goods bought. But then we mustn’t judge of a man’s motive, no matter how enterprising he may be to increase his trade. Chromos go with dry goods, why not cucumber seeds with drugs? These seeds will bear fruit in trade in a few weeks.— Peckfs Sun. “ O carry me, then,” cried the fair coquette, “ To the land where never I’ve journeyed yet— To that shore Where love Is lasting, and change unknown. And a man is faithful to one alone Evermore.” * Go, seek that land for a year and a dav; At the end of the time you’ll be still far away. Pretty maid. ’Tis a country unlettered in map or in chart, *Tis a country that does not exist, sweetheart, I’m afraid." “Why do you keep getting up and going out between the acts ?” asked an unsophisticated country maiden of a city cousin, with whom she was attending the theater. “Well, my dear coz," was his reply, “I don’t mind telling you that I am trying to combine the delights of the evening dram and the evening drama.” Burlington Free Press.

“Deuced pretty girl, that,” said Clinker to Plumper. “Ya-as, and a fine catch for somebody.” “Why, has she got money?” “Her pa has oodles of it.” “How do you know that? You can’t be sure of the worth of a man nowadays. People may think him rich when he is heavily in debt.” “Oh, but there’s no doubt about that girl’s pa. He’s solid. He’s just made an assignment, with unlimited liabilities and nominal assets.”— The People's Paper.