Democratic Sentinel, Volume 8, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 June 1884 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Cash shear—the coupon scissors. Remarkably fine board—sawdust. S uperiob court—spark in g & rich girl. The coming man—the procrastinator. Pressed for money a suit of clothes. A man and his wife had a little difficulty in the kitchen the other day, and presently matters became so quiet that one could hear a rolling-pin drop. “Kiss Me as I Fall Asleep” is the title of a new song. It might work all right with some men, but it would wake us right up.— Burling ton Hawkeye. A bantering acquaintance of the other sex remarked to a woman, “I never heard of seven devils being oast out of a man.” “No,” was the reply, “they’ve got ’em yet” A good country priest said to a dying drunkard: “My son, you must be reconciled with your enemies." “Then,” groaned the poor wretch, “give me a glass of water.” Ie some of the politicians of the present decade would “blow out the gas” on retiring, instead of turning it off, their obituary notices would be much longer and more truthful.— Carl Pretzel'B Weekly. Peter Kreps, a veteran of an Ohio regiment, drowned himself in a canal, and it cost SSO to fish him out. This should teach parties wishing to commit suicide to save trouble and expense by stepping into a printing-office and stabbing themselves with the office towel. —Paris Beacon. The sidewalks of Salt Lake City are twenty feet wide. Isn’t that rather narrow for a Simon-pure-died-iu-the-wool-Mormon to go out walking with the whole of his wife at once ? It may be, though, that a Mormon’s wife goes out in the order of a procession.— Peck's Sun. DirHTHEBiA is a terrible thing to have in the family, but sinoo it has been discovered that it is fatal to cats it is expected that there will be quite a demand for it. A chunk of diphtheria laid out in the back yard at night will kill off more cats and make less noise than forty boot-jacks.— Peck’s Sun.